Taking out the Trash

[Fearless_Bum]

Hello this is my journal. After getting some help and inspiration the time has come to express everything that comes to mind through this medium, so perfect this medium, I can type as fast as my thoughts. Oh my god, so satisfying woohoo! 

So this is it, where do I want to take things? I have the golden opportunity right now to express thoughts, and fully see them. When I see my own thoughts like this laid out I can savor them more. 

Today I freaked out and lost my shit, I felt super unstable, the instability comes from not knowing whats what and having a problem with it, theres no problem with it anymore. 

Right now Im feeling hopefulness, I know things are possibly getting better, the focus on the bigger picture is slowly coming together. Listening to music helps to fuel the inspiration. Music is amazing, life is amazing, I got the gift to create what I want, and I have the even bigger gift of thinking that im doing it all! Right now im noticing the power humans have, humans are super powerful, they dont know how amazing they are most of the time, but I see it. Humans are animals too, but capable of thinking they think, quite incredible, like walking gods who are simultaneously powerful and powerless. Most beautiful, we are the Angels, we are the gods we've been looking for!  If we all got our shit together and focused on building a paradise we could totally co create one! Fuck all the doubts, fuck them all. What am I doing here, im not sure really, hoping that this expression stuff really works out, it feels so good honestly. 

When thought can just....flow, flowing ever so smoothly. I notice the "blockages" the moments of writers block have something to do with the ordinary life as well, those "blockages" are there too. The moments of seriousness that plug away all the creativity, all the creative energy goes into "what do I want to create?" rather than creation itself, quite beautiful to witness this. That the infinite energy doesnt go anywhere, its everywhere and for us all! 

Focus, breathe in.... there it is.... the fantasies coming, floating like bubbles made of love, feeling nostalgic yet excited.. I love that feeling. Vaporwave is perfect for this, music that is ghostly, feels like a dream you never had, so nice, so perfect, an eternal genre that brings the light of nostalgia to every era. The fantasies coming, getting the mansions, the beautiful woman in my life, I had a dream about her, she was perfect and full of life, full of POWER, going to the beach on weekends, selling houses and making hundreds of thousands of dollars. Creating for its own sake, owning multiple properties, starting businesses for fun, forming business relationships that are fun and synergistic, I see them already, I got family/friends who come in my life like the perfect puzzle piece. 

I got this, I can do this, saying goodbye to the disempowered bum, saying hello to the powerful Bum with a capital B . I can do this, I WILL do this, it takes only focus which is a given, and aligning it with what is wanted. It can only be felt. What is wanted is not a vision, what is wanted IS feeling, aligning focus with feeling, Aligning Focus with Feeling, FOCUS IS FEELING. Two sides of the same coin, working together, focus and feeling are eternal best buddies. They are helping each other, what if this is the case with all beings and reality, what if reality is pure HELP. What if when accepted, the universe ONLY offers us help, every being that comes into existence is loving and helping me no matter what religion, world view, etc. 

I got people who are willing to share their wisdom with me and I accept it with open arms, I want to move out and live alone, I want to move out, get a girlfriend, and live alone with her, and get a cute friendly cat. I want to be eating healthy food and sipping on good ol matcha green tea and cacao drinks. I can feel the excitement for that life its so cool. Typing out what I feel/think is quite powerful, its perfect for the Focus aspect of life, ive struck gold with this tool and its free what the fuck! 

Journaling helps to hone in Focus which feeds feeling as it clears up space for good feeling to come out, and the good feeling creates space for thoughts created of and as LOVE and JOY, woohoo! So journaling is infinite, infinite like the snake eating its own tail YES!

Journaling is awesome, meditation is all about taking the time to observe this creation and let it be what it is, meditation is like the baseline thingie, the thingie that allows us to see what we are without distractions, Journaling feeds meditation as it helps thoughts to be released, resulting in better meditation, better meditation allows for clearer observation, which allows for more subtle things to be witnessed, and therefore journaled/reflected on! The momentum only continues going up! Its easy and its a given!

I can make a shit load of money, no I WILL make a shitload of money, Six Figures by next year thats for sure, ill make it fucking happen! Money! YEA! Paper, green paper with old men on it, more please! Beautiful properties, a nice penthouse with a space that is super modern and sleek, where I can have my green teas and read and chill with people. I want a special room dedicated to psychedelic trips! Where I can trip alone or with others!

Man im so excited to do stuff, it feels good with thoughts are lined up and executed and reflected on, I notice that in order to "control" our thinking, we must sharpen our abilities to self-reflect, and journaling does just this. Poor self reflection means lazy thoughts, lazy thoughts paradoxically take more effort, "conscious" thoughts dont take any effort even though it seems like it may. 

Im so filled with joy my legs are shaking with joy, they wont stop its awesome, im awesome! I am completeness! I am joy! I have discovered the GOLD here! So grateful for the other "Angels" out there, those who know the power of Loving for no reason, thats the secret sauce! Im happy!!!! Why? I dont know lol!

I can lift weights, strengthen this body, I can stretch, no need for can, I WILL I WILL it to be! I will stretch and feel relaxed in the body more, I will lift weights and feel the physical empowerment that comes with that, I will ride my bike in the mornings and get that nice cardio buzz. All things will be taken care of no matter what! 

I can get a part time job for during my real estate agent chapter, I will become a good real estate agent, a great one! I want to sell! I can sell! I can do it! A super charged Angel selling homes to people, HA thats funny. Sharing the joy I feel when I drive past homes with others, I love houses and their architecture. 

Im a fucking commission man from now on, Im getting that commission bread baby! Im gonna work hard and enjoy it, enjoy the shift, enjoy the freedom in my schedule to dedicate time to what I think is important, I will enjoy the Joy of making shit tons of cash for good work that I enjoy. 

I will do it! Im gonna dedicate at least 20 minutes a day to studying for my real estate license exam, thats the only "bureaucratic shit" in the way really, not really in the way, it IS the way, not in the way. 

All the people I need will help me and provide whatever guidance is needed, they have already been appearing and helping me so much! So grateful for the help, grateful for the people in my life right now and happy! 

I am not trapped, I am doing amazing, I am on the way to nothing, as this is an eternal marathon of LOVE, JOY, and CONSCIOUS CREATING!

[Fearless_Bum]

I felt great last night, I was exploding with energy and ready to go, I didnt want to sleep but did anyways. 

I woke up with wendys in my stomach getting burned away and im feeling better, I had my GOL Loophole shake (Thanks Nahm!) with some cacao for that blissful smooth energy. Im trying it with L-Theanine, lets see how it goes, the mellow buzz from cacao combined with the calm focus of L Theanine will be pretty cool. I notice the ability to "smoothen" the process of thinking and immediately go with what I want is a real powerful skill, thought can actually be smoothened and sped up and more exciting. Its all about warming up the engine, which is why journaling in the morning is great! Im already feeling the excitement building up within me. Ill be going to church today and itll be cool to hear people saying nice words over each other. The people at church are really worshipping Love and Joy, so we are all on the same page no matter what. Its fun to be able to deliberately choose to be happy and joyous (same thing lol). 

The food I eat either supports or hurts vibration, not really hurt but more like stiffles. If I ate a nice fruit salad and was super excited, I feel like my excitement would be superman levels, so im excited to start giving it a shot, ill be eating healthier slimmer meals, maybe the GOL shake and later a fruit salad with honey, or maybe just the GOL shake, ill go by how im feeling. Food gives us the opportunity to consciously choose our fuel source its quite awesome. Like the choice IS the miracle, the ability to choose my fuel source whether it be wendys and sprite or GOL Shake and fruit salads or healthy fats is awesome. Infinite Love is in the bliss of being this human being, this vehicle is fun and cool. Sometimes I look at my hands and its like looking at miracles, I really appreciate this creation. How these hands are inseparable from all cosmic events, quite awesome. 

Im starting to build up, I can feel it, the thought process is smoothening and loosening up. What do I do with this morning, well this morning doesnt need to be manipulated but what is this time for for this one? Its all about setting the tone for the day, and choosing how I feel and declaring that for the rest of the day, this builds the momentum of awesomeness. I choose to feel good and put all my focus on that! The dreamboard is powerful indeed, the power comes from being in touch with Joy and Love, then the dream board makes sense and the things on it are seen being manifested. I learned I can put the little things on it and appreciate those things as well, the little wins! 

The little wins are actually where the powers at, the little wins are what most people overlook, we are conditioned to think that the big wins are the only ones that matter, nope its all about the little wins, as the big wins are made up of multiple little wins! Im excited, I can feel the energy levels increasing, the GOL Shake is in cooperation with the body, they are fusing together. Food is my best friend, my relationship with food is closer than even a sexual experience, as the food I eat becomes one with me forever, the GOL shake is fusing with me, at the cellular level, it feels good. My energy levels are increasing, my capacity for seeing the Joy that already is is increasing woohoo! 

I can bring this Joy everywhere I go honestly, it really doesnt matter, Im awesome no matter what. I notice theres a momentum building up of seeing the bright side to every single thing. This is very alien to me, but I welcome it and accept it, like a welcome surprise. I never knew this was possible for myself, only it was an ideal. This way of living fills me up with so much energy and excitement, im human as fuck right now! Every positive thought is like a gift that needs no thanks, it just feels good to launch these rockets of Love. Its crazy that this Love shit is the norm for some people, and it makes sense how it could be the case. I get excited when I drive past houses, I like architecture and creation, I see all the signs of my real estate success in my neighborhood, tons of shit being built everywhere! My neighborhood is booming, and a bunch of rich people from the north are coming over to this area. Theres lots of opportunity all over the place for me and for everyone!

Im feeling excited and aroused too! Yes hormones! The body is like "Create, Create, Create!". Im filled with life and excitement, I can go on about this forever, like a mirror of love mirroring itself on and on. I want a girlfriend, a beautiful and cool girlfriend of course, someone who is wise would be nice, she doesnt need to know anything, but its that attitude of open mindedness that is perfect.

What else can I do right now? I notice energy can be spent on finding answers to questions, or there can be pure creation without questions. Questions are blockage-forming honestly and pointless. Some questions are great for short term stuff like how do I open a door? But most questions (existential especially) are formulated in such a way that there really is no answer to them. 

Im excited for the future, being rich and responsible with my stuff, having kids and being humbled by my family, tripping on psychedelics for fun! Meeting cool people! Like this whole time source has been most patiently waiting to be found once again, the stream of pure goodness. 

Okay, I can dedicate some time to my real estate course, just 20 mins a day thats all, just put 20 mins on my timer and begin, thats all thats needed, theres nothing else in it. This is taking the steps towards making a lot of money doing something fun and something that suits my personality more, I will do this! Its all just memorization, that is all. I can do 20 mins of studying and reading points and then go for a bike ride! Cardio after learning is proven to strengthen the memory of what was learned. 

Its all right here, all the pieces of the puzzle and guidance is all here. 

Today I will enjoy resting and slowly building the momentum of Joy, no need to do any work today, all thats wanted is to rest in this blanket of Love. 

[Fearless_Bum]

I just completed 20 mins of studying, it was so effortless and easy, I am doing it! 

[Fearless_Bum]

Ahhh, feels nice to be back in this space to be able to express openly without any judgement, taking a second to express this stuff right here. 

Ive been going to church a lot as I see Law of Attraction operating in that space, I see many people helping and offering guidance to me in the church. Sometimes theres a tendency to reject the church and theres a worry about being "Trapped" in the christianity shit, always reading the bible and whatnot, also pretending to agree with things that down right feel off. 

Thats how I feel right now and I blame it on the church, but its how im feeling right now and not about the church at all. I desire a life where theres no going to church at all, a life full of bad words, sunshine, nature, goodness, funny people, etc. I love the people at the church and stuff, but truth is I feel life pulling me somewhere free from church shit. 

How to resolve this stuff? The "issue" is that all that surrounds me in this space is the church life, maybe its all about simply focusing on what I want and working towards that, and not freaking out about the church, maybe with Love and Joy the church stuff will naturally fade away as I melt into the awesome shit I want. 

That is pretty exciting and inspiring, to be able to focus on what I want and not really paying attention at all to "what is". I want to be making six figures in the very near future, enough money to move out and buy a nice house somewhere, this not only opens up my independence, but it also opens the space for me to begin owning multiple properties, thats where the gold is at. Residual income! In comes the residual income . Ignorance really is bliss, and most of us are conditioned to perpetuate the belief that there is something behind what is being said right now, the truth is there is only what is being said/typed right now, so what thought is is what thought is. At one point its about suffering and fear and now its about the awesome stuff im gonna be accomplishing in my life. 

Im patting myself on the back right now, I notice there were no freakouts emotionally all day which is great! I love that totally! Todays been a steady stream of excitement and contentment, with a sprinkle of pessimism here and there  (okay ill admit it was more than a sprinkle). 

How am I feeling right now? Im not feeling overwhelment, im not frustrated or bored either as im enjoying typing this journal entry. 

Feels like some contentment with some hopefulness beginning to settle in. I do feel hopeful that I can possibly get everything I want, I feel hopefulness in that ive gotten through all obstacles before, and can possibly continue getting through them no matter what. 

All it takes is patience and focus, no, fuck patience that isnt needed either. Patience is another blockage, no need for patience, the Joy can be felt now I know it. The time has come to let go of the burdens as the pastor at my church told me, hes a good guy. The burdens are no more! The cork is floating. Expression is already 90% of the effortless work, the other 10% is joyfully watching it all unfold if that makes sense. 

Theres some doubtfulness going on, how do I know I am hopeful? Im a bit disappointed in how its all turning out but disappointment feels better than doubt as im no longer doubting but accepting that what is IS but only that its disappointed. 

Its overwhelming to always be juggling between "this" and "that", its overwhelming to create the belief that theres a shadow to all things, this discord can begin getting cut off with single pointed-ness. There is a frustrated energy at play, like the ball of love is shaking from containing all of this raw energy, this raw energy is being bundled up as a result of pessimistic thoughts that are creating the blockage effect. The pessimistic thoughts are about church and the belief systems and thoughts about other people. I release these thoughts, focusing on these thoughts will never actually solve anything, therefore it is a waste of energy, much much better to begin focusing on the now. 

In the now begins boredom, a highly transient emotion, it is the origin point of the blockage effect, the make it or break it emotion. I choose to bask in this boredom and accept that I am indeed perfectly capable of Love and Creation, yet the blockage effect is operating on a subtle level, wait no there is no blockage effect at all anymore, just now. 

I put my focus on how I feel right now sensationally, I am enjoying the music im listening to, its nice. The body feels a bit bloated from dinner but otherwise nothing else going on that crazy, although it feels great to express all this stuff and it is inspiring hopefulness, as I know that expression is where the seeds begin to sprout. 

I know things can get better, I know things are getting better already right now, Ive been increasing the sensitivity of this body. Ive been taking steps each day to further bring/attract financial independence and a cool girlfriend, the steps are already in place, the map is already in place. Im grateful for this opportunity to be a creator and enjoy this unfoldment. I have been more social and I know im capable of all that I set out to do, there are no real limitations at all, theres only what is / isnt wanted.

Ive eaten healthier today which I pat myself on the back for, Im doing great! Fuck yea! I had a GOL shake with cacao, pollo tropical, and some food from outback steakhouse, today was certainly a step up food wise. Tomorrow I will have the GOL shake and then later a home cooked meal of whatever id like, the next positive move forward is to get used to eating home cooked foods. It is certainly a good step. 

Im feeling very sleepy right now which is great, id like to knock and go to sleep, im gonna sleep so fucking well I know it. 

With Love and Joy,

Bag of Trash

[Fearless_Bum]

I woke up today and darted out of bed to turn off my alarm and meditate. Meditation is becoming smoother, more I dont give a fuck and less taking things seriously, when a thought story comes up it is more obvious that it is a waste of energy to focus on it. Of course there is so much energy and its probably infinite, but much nicer to focus on good feeling thoughts. 

Today is a blank slate, who knows what ill be doing today? All I know is that was is most important is setting the tone of the day and getting that focus on what I want first thing in the morning. What is it that I want? What comes to mind most quickly? 

I want to be making a six figure income in the very near future, I want to have enough money to get a nice house in a nice neighborhood called st petersburg, I want to get a girlfriend, I want to be doing work that is fun and dynamic, which is why selling real estate sounds awesome. Im excited to see the pieces all coming together, and seeing that it is indeed being manifested, all of it. I had a dream about zombies last night, I enjoy those dreams as they pump me up and give me that jolt of wanting to live. Im not sure what the message is from that dream, but all I can say is I never got bit so im good. I wanna drive in the sunset and have the perfect music playing and just enjoying the moment, knowing that everything is okay no matter what. I want to have deep and fun psychedelic trips, I want to have smoother and clearer meditation. 

Without my cacao im feeling less of that mental lubrication, maybe it isnt due to the cacao, no.. it isnt, its all me and what I choose to believe. Im all good with this stuff and I can build the momentum of flowing good feeling thoughts. Life is simple and Great and thats a nice surprise, everyone believes that theres gotta be at least a lil bit of suffering in life, I only see Joy in all the steps in life. Im feeling good right now, definitely on the brighter side of emotions, most likely hopefulness starting to get into Positive expectation. So powerful, to KNOW that all things will work out for me, to KNOW that I WILL make 6 figures and I WILL have that nice house in st. petersburg and that I WILL have a cool gf. I feel better already holy shit, things will work out for me. When probabilities are removed it feels so much lighter. Love doesnt need probabilities, with Love all things are possible. I know it! 

The emotional scale is learning the relationship or communion between thought and emotion, and it is felt directly, with this positive expectation for things in my life I feel more at peace. Its all in thought and being in tune with Love, things begin to not make sense logically the more one moves up the scale. Wish I had a perfect explanation to describe what its all about, but with Love one becomes more foolish. I feel very much uplifted and the momentum only goes higher, any thought that arises doesnt have to be believed, its all about "grabbing" the good feeling thoughts, this is where meditation kicks ass. I have no difficulties being in this optimism and simply letting the cork float in whatever thought is lightest. Im feeling a sense of goodness in the heart center now, this feels great like a blind goodness feeling, this feeling is happiness. 

I see that happiness is a choice to be happy for no reason, I am filled with Happiness right now. I can have a coffee or energized shake and be happy, I can do work and be happy, I can do anything and bring this happiness with me, and any thoughts arising can simply be let go of. In this blind happiness there is no more hardcore planning, this is when one gets inches away from the infinite Love, which doesnt plan yet does all things. I know in this happiness and good feeling that all things are coming closer and at high speeds, I know everything is okay. 

So the emotional state stays how it is, but what "moves" is what thoughts are believed. So in this happiness im feeling good, and some thoughts may arise that dont match, but they dont even need to be acknowledged, as this happiness is so bright that thoughts that match this brightness are extremely easy to see. 

Im not even gonna move further up the scale as this happiness feels good, Ill go up automatically anyways lol, just realized I have no choice but to be Infinite Love. Maybe having 2 GOL shakes is the way! That feels good and yummy, plus I get to combine nutrition with getting some good Ol' Caffeine/ Theobromine. 

[Fearless_Bum]

Was enjoying my morning shake and then my mom came out and starting Momming around (Looking for things to clean, talking about things that dont feel as good, talking about what is wrong etc.). 

Why is this manifesting? What is the lesson here. Why am I living with someone who isnt familiar with this vibrational stuff, perhaps this is learning how to be a wizard in the normal world of people who choose to be puppets pulled by the strings of circumstance. 

I feel an annoyance around my mother, it feels like my parade is being rained on when she comes in the room, because Im holding beliefs about her and I have beliefs of how she should be. I recognize that this is who she is, and who she is is who she is, and that her behaviors dont actually have to bother me or piss me off as long as I know I am creating what I want and thats it. The mom stuff is thoughts, and those thoughts can be let go of. 

[Fearless_Bum]

Ive been thinking on how to study for my real estate state exam. I think itll be perfect to spend time reading the summaries/ key terms of each section of my online course and then go for a bike ride! Exercise is proven to strengthen memory after learning something. 

[Fearless_Bum]

Somethings changed in my life due to journaling and meditating, things are feeling lighter. Even after watching porn and eating out a lot, I notice theres no freakout moments. Its like taking time to journal/meditate ensures that there is no freakout. Freakouts occur when there is little expression, and the pent up stress is released as helplessness/unworthiness. 

It feels good just to express how I feel. Right now I am feeling pretty decent and smooth honestly, not as dense as I expected to feel. I know I have the strength and power to do anything that is necessary. I feel nostalgia, I love nostalgia, it is my favorite thing. The big orgasm is when I have nostalgia for a memory in which I had nostalgia lol. Its like the feeling of nostalgia is exponential. It feels pretty good when I look back and see that with all the apparent work all things that Ive wanted have been created. These past two years have been a time of preparation and getting ready to move forward with life. 

Thoughts come up about the church and how to deal with that stuff lol, it may be obvious looking back but its clear as fuck that the thoughts about the church can simply be let go of, when a thought about the church arises, I will let it go. 

Ha so fucking funny, letting it go. You are literally letting it go gracefully, most are conditioned to think that its all about a let-er who lets it go. 

Those thoughts will be let go of, the church stuff will fade away, as thoughts about the church stuff fade away, thats what its all about! Holy shit, its becoming obvious how direct creation is, like its automatic and right here, there never even needed to be a law of attraction, it simply is the case. 

The law of attraction has that Napoleon Hill / Success sound to it, its annoying lol. I like just calling it conscious creation, aligning thought and feeling and real-izing that creation is automatic and without a do-er, yet the thought of a do-er can arise. Journaling is nice, its like im exhausting all the thoughts and puking them out here, itll be so sweet to meditate and have slower thoughts. Self-Inquiry is the way, feeling the Me-ness and letting it melt more and more. Recognized that the air which flows in the lungs at once appears to be "me" but then it flows back out into the world, so it is not "me".

Infinite Love must Love getting as dark and lost as possible, only to feel extreme bliss in remembering itself, wow! Life is great, theres so much shit to do, are there any real character flaws in this Bum? Or is it all just lil flimsy beliefs? It is just beliefs ha. No self, no problem. Ive taken a step closer to getting my real estate license and im more and more excited for it. I just know ill make so much money, I know the money is already on the way, the 100s of 1000s of dollars, I put 30k on my dreamboard as ive never seen 30k in my bank account, its nice to start at a "realistic" number, only to slowly build the momentum. First 30k, then Ill put 50k, then 80k, then 100k, then 200k, and so on! I watch videos of luxury home tours and theyre so inspiring! 

Imagining just being a responsible grown up, making shit tons of cash, being the man! With a family. 

Heres my plan for life that has nothing on LOA but fuck it: 20s: Make shit tons of cash and fuck around with a GF. 30s: Start a family and learn all the family stuffs. 40s: Reach the peak of that Man / Brain Power! Reach the peak of business performance and shit! 50s-70s: Reach the peak of life wisdom and family stuff, become a rich multi millionaire grandpa! 80s-death: Just get loose and be a crazy old man! Ill get to wear a diaper once again by the time im breaking to pieces! Woohoo!

Human life is so cool, im so grateful to be a human, its beautiful. Everyone wants to "transcend" this shit, I wouldnt miss it for the world. I wanna get as green as possible and slowly turn yellow/brown and wither away. Humans are extremely powerful and cool. 

Im so excited im so excited, woohoo! Whenever I have an opportunity like this to sit and observe my own thoughts, I always make sure to craft exciting thoughts about my life and stuff. Whats most important than anything else, is being in touch with that excitement. 

[Fearless_Bum]

Im feeling inspired to come up with my own little twists on the loophole shake. 

Some quick ideas I wanted to type out: 

-Loophole Shake (Matcha or Cacao Based)

Will have Banana (1), Matcha/Cacao (2.5 Tbsps of Cacao / 1 tsp of Matcha), Greek Yogurt (1-2 spoonfuls), Ice cubes, Water (6-8 oz), and GOL powder (1 scoop). 

I can have 2 Shakes a day as my meals. In the morning I can enjoy a shake with Matcha, in the evening I can have a shake with cacao. 

[Fearless_Bum]

I woke up this morning and didnt meditate yet, its no problem and I forgive myself. I only didnt do it as I thought my mom might interupt the meditation by saying good morning to me or something. The next best thing to do instead is to type in my journal, I mean its the process of releasing thoughts so its accepted with open arms. 

Each day there is more clarity its pretty nice, I just had my loophole shake with matcha. Its so yummy and im obsessed with how simple yet effective it is, already ive noticed my stomach digests food more efficiently (thanks greek yogurt!). I can take a step closer to getting my real estate license by completing a section of my course! I dont know what to type about but I can certainly practice the emotional scale. 

What am I feeling right now? Im feeling boredom and its almost at contentment, like theres no intensity in emotion so I know im not in the "lower" emotions, it feels like a blank slate, so its like boredom. Boredom can be an easy emotion to miss, as it is highly transient, it is often quickly suppressed and turns into pessimism (isnt that surprising?). Boredom is simply just the emotion of nothing, I cant even say if its negative or positive, although no emotion is actually negative or positive, and all are deserving of expression. 

To move from boredom I can feel the inspiration move me, we often try to move ourselves out of boredom. There is boredom then the thought arises that "I" should do something to get free from boredom, but nope... its all about letting life move you. If youre listening to music letting the music move you, if you have a coffee/tea letting that caffeine swim through your veins and fill you with energy, simply letting life inspire you. I take this opportunity to accept contentment. Holy fucking shit! Content-ment, letting the "content" fill in the space of boredom, the content is the music im listening to, the sun rising, the shake fusing with this body, letting it all fill in and inspire. Contentment is just recognizing that Life or the "Content" is what really moves us. The whole thing is intensifying, and it feels good, feels good to know that life itself is peace. Already there is hopefulness presenting itself in small doses. When contentment is recognized, there is automatically hopefulness as one is aware that life inspires, and that there is always this life energy present. I am feeling more and more hopeful, im hopeful for my life and making money, I am hopeful for the fate of the people on this planet, im feeling hopeful that abundance has me in its arms, im feeling hopeful that I can get through anything I want. I am hopeful in knowing that it is simply thoughts that either worsen or better ones life, its all just thoughts. If you quit junk food, it isnt about the actual junk food, but the thoughts about them that can be let go of, and junk food ceases to exist in ones experience. 

There is inspiration to meditate right now!

[Fearless_Bum]

The meditation was nice. Noticed that nothing is the source of all activity, it all moves in response to another movement, but there is no original movement. 

Noticed that when a thought arises, there is first a belief that it is "my thought". Nothing much to add on to this journal entry, I am feeling calm, and focused.

[PurpleTree]

18 minutes ago, Akashic said:

You're either stupid or gaslighting. Probably both.

 

11 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

@Akashic Please leave me alone. 

boys please ? we want peace in the forums and peace in the middle east

especially this section of the forum 

[Fearless_Bum]

Now im feeling more worry, I worry that this stuff isnt working, what if its not working!? 

Doubt is quickly a result of worry, but it feels more powerful, like I feel doubt! I doubt that this stuff is working, I have my doubts, how can it be this good, how can it be this perfect?! Its too good to be true goddamn it like wtf! I dont know if this shit works, it seems so easy to dip into the lower emotions like goddamn, and it seems like so much work, am I disappointed? Yes, im a bit disappointed right now in my situation, im disappointed in the emotional scale. It seems so easy to move all over the place, but that is just related to thoughts, the cork is floating more easily now though, and there is less density in the heart center. 

Im feeling overwhelmed, its overwhelming to be so shaky and loose, to easily move back and forth from fear to rage to insecurity. Emotionally its overwhelming, so much shit going on, so much, so much life, so many people complaining and winning out there, theres so much and its intense. It can get better though im sure. So many obligations when it comes to being an adult, just so much stuff going on! Oh man its overwhelming, now im feeling irritated/frustrated. Its like anger, but not so dense more just like annoyed, its frustrating to be in the presence of people who arent emotionally aware and blame things, but I must admit they too are perfect creators/creations. Im feeling annoyed at emotions, like bruh, why do you gotta exist, the frustration feels much lighter than overwhelment, its not too bad honestly, the frustration is an energy of shakiness, an energy born in Pessimistic thoughts. Pessimism is the birthplace of the "rut" a pessimistic thought doesnt feel good, and Infinite Love allows itself to be put into a downward spiral of trying to figure out this pessimism by becoming more and more disconnected from emotion/intention. Pessimistic thoughts is what doesnt feel good, and in feeling this pessimism, this tendency to look at the shitty side of things, is the gold. With this realization its clear that all the strain and struggle is really in the thoughts arising. I see the world in chaos and burning, its all negative, everything has a shitty side, good bye pessimism, the way to let go of you is to earnestly express how shitty life is, everything is negative and crummy. 

All people are repeating dogmas, people are all crazy and all over the place, success is born out of luck, we cant do this, we are fucked, we are a fallen creation. Its all negative its all shitty, its all absolute Ass (with a capital A). Expressing pessimism feels great! Its all shitty. This body can be better. 

This pessimism is great in relation to the frustration born out of trying to "figure it all out". But it itself still doesnt feel good honestly. It doesnt feel good to think this way, to create a belief that there is a shitty side to it all. Is there even a negative side to things? Thats just a belief ha! 

Its so funny, im feeling boredom and there were some pessimistic thoughts about boredom, OOU notice that! I notice that! Out of boredom arises pessimistic thoughts about boredom. 

Im feeling bored, what am I gonna do all day? This whole day im off of work and its all a big blank slate, what will I do with all of this time? Its an unknown, all I know is im bored, boredom feels much better than pessimism though, like its more meh and less Ass. Boredom does feel a lot better, and I take pleasure in this fact. Im so bored, and certain behaviors may arise in the form of thoughts to deal with this boredom, but that is not the way, those thoughts are allowed to leave just as soon as they came through the door... no in fact im locking the door! Knock all you want! 

Im gonna be bored, the most boring man in the world honestly. I notice in this boredom that there are random thoughts coming up, and that it isnt about the thoughts, rather its about what thought is focused on. I choose to focus on boring thoughts, its so funny! There is no boring thoughts, I can either focus on how crappy this boredom is or how nice it is, those are the only options. This boredom is pretty nice, in this boredom lies the opportunity to just be here typing without any real attempt of fixing anything, in this boredom I can just BE. Boredom is like the waiting room of consciousness, boredom is the waiting time, and in this room I either leave with pessimism or goodness. 

This moment isnt so bad after all, there is music playing that is soothing, there are people all around in the world working hard, but fuck all that, the greatest thing that IS right now is...just this moment. 

This moment is so simple, its the only thing in front of me, so comforting to know that no matter what all there is is this moment.

Im feeling much better, not as much intensity when im just here. Just letting life inspire itself.

A conditional thought of "I must do something" may arise, but thats contrary to this obvious contentment, in this contentment it is clear that there is no need to exercise will power.

[Fearless_Bum]

Right now im feeling tired and wonky, im feeling disappointed right now thats for damn sure. 

This emotional scale stuff is annoying lol. Im disappointed at how my day went, barely anything was taken care of. This emotional scale stuff feels so contrived, like oh now im disappointed, oh wow now im overwhelmed. 

Im feeling doubtfulness, very much so. How do I know that this shit works? What if its some hocus pocus bullshit? I really dont know. Im doubting this, I just dont know if its true. Im tired and out of it, this is brain fog at its finest, just feeling weird. Im feeling a bit annoyed. 

I am feeling inspiration to go for a ride on my bicycle, that may help and feel better. I may give that a shot. 

[mandyjw]

@Fearless_Bum Focus pocus.  It doesn't "work", it is BS. No problem in recognizing this. When we pin our hopes too much on something, it feels good to see that it is indeed not our salvation because we didn't need salvation. It's just a tool for assisting in letting go of thoughts that aren't focused in the direction we are wanting to go. Try using it to check in once a while but be more free, write what you like. After all the "object" is to tap into the completely free, liberated love that you truly are. 

[Fearless_Bum]

@mandyjw that's true it's all about feeling good after all ?. 

Im just being hit hard by how it's really all up to me. I either am delusionally happy because I said so or I continue going downhill into falling out of alignment with feeling. Like it's so easy and hard at the same time.

I went for my bike ride and my tire pressure was low, so I was peddling super hard and angry but the bike was going at walking pace, it's all so funny ?.

[mandyjw]

@Fearless_Bum  I just finished editing a youtube video in which I say "one of my early realizations was that how I see my family is a reflection of my own emotional state".  During which my husband came home and said the snow shovel was in the driveway, as if I used it and just left it there, and I was "like, GODDAMN it, the WIND blew it, and you'd THINK you'd be glad I'm the one who shovels snow."  We are all pretty funny.

"Delusionally happy". Let's see, what is "no mind"? Is that delusion? What is happiness? Our true nature without thoughts saying otherwise imposed it? So happiness is the absence of unhappy thoughts. "Delusionally happy?" I say SIGN ME UP. But, there's no list. And no names. What's scary about being delusionally happy? Delusion causes suffering, so that's why no one is a fan of delusion. But knowing that, how could you be delusionally happy? 

not delusion, de-illusioned. 

 

Edited January 19, 2022 by mandyjw

[Fearless_Bum]

I wanna be de illlusioned for sure ?. 

Thought is a bit flimsy, do you notice a neurotic pattern of trying to stay positive in your experience? 

I notice when doing emotional scale stuff that as I move up, thoughts arise that pertain to the lower emotions and I get confused.

13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@Fearless_Bum  I just finished editing a youtube video in which I say "one of my first realizations was that how my family acts is a reflection of my own emotional state".  During which my husband came home and said the snow shovel was in the driveway, as if I used it and just left it there, and I was "like, GODDAMN it, the WIND blew it, and you'd THINK you'd be glad I'm the one who shovels snow."  We are all pretty funny.

 

?

[mandyjw]

So the video I mentioned is all about "intention vs impact". If I say to myself "THINK POSITIVE!" and I feel worse because that only highlights the fact that I'm thinking thoughts I think I shouldn't be, my intent was not the impact I hoped it would be. It's the same reason why this is so damn funny.  I remember first hearing Eckhart Tolle and taking in EVERYTHING I could get my hands on by him, KNOWING this was the answer to all my issues and all my suffering. I pretty much pretended to be him and repressed everything for a couple weeks and finally exploded when I was alone in the woods, saying "fuck it all, it doesn't fucking work!!!" and I felt so much better. I kept on listening to and reading Tolle. But, especially initially, I was trying so hard to make it all fit and make it all work. We learn by making mistakes, seeing what works, what doesn't, by trying too hard and noticing that that's not it. It's perfect. This is how you learn, how you align. Your great enthusiasm is perfect. You skepticism is perfect. Your rebellion is perfect. 

I did the same thing as I did with Tolle, again when I discovered Abraham Hicks. Instead of listening and feeling into it I made it into this whole "thing". I honed in on fixing this horrible kitchen sink drain problem, I was SURE I couldn't live with, I was so fixated on it, it hurt. It turned out that fixing that sink took weeks, the yard had to thaw out (it was late winter) and the pipes dug up completely in order to fix it. In the meantime, what DID happen was completely mind-blowing. I got everything I never gave much thought to dream of, or hope for BUT the kitchen sink.  Looking back now, it's utter perfection. It's hilarious actually. What we feel we NEED will not come quickly. 

Go easy on yourself, chill out. You've got all the time in the world, you literally create time. (Exactly why what we feel we NEED will not come quickly, "time flies when you're having fun") No problem. 

[Fearless_Bum]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

 It's the same reason why this is so damn funny. 

@mandyjw Lol!

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

I did the same thing as I did with Tolle, again when I discovered Abraham Hicks. Instead of listening and feeling into it I made it into this whole "thing". I honed in on fixing this horrible kitchen sink drain problem, I was SURE I couldn't live with, I was so fixated on it, it hurt. It turned out that fixing that sink took weeks, the yard had to thaw out (it was late winter) and the pipes dug up completely in order to fix it. In the meantime, what DID happen was completely mind-blowing. I got everything I never gave much thought to dream of, or hope for BUT the kitchen sink.  Looking back now, it's utter perfection. It's hilarious actually. What we feel we NEED will not come quickly. 

Go easy on yourself, chill out. You've got all the time in the world, you literally create time. (Exactly why what we feel we NEED will not come quickly, "time flies when you're having fun") No problem. 

Oh yes, need comes from a sense of lack, and lack gives more lack to you. So you got what you felt lol, which is lack. Yea im just gonna have fun and go with the flow.