Wasting my (early) 20s away.

[somegirl]

I feel like, since this pandemic started, I don't get to live my early 20s the way I want. I wanted to have interesting life experiences, love, live life to the fullest, travel with friends/a bf. This pandemic started when I was 20. I am freaking 22 now. I am annoyed quite frankly that this is happening.

This has also lowered (my already low) chances of meeting potential bf. (I say "already low" because I live in a city of 200,000 people, where more than half are older people).

And the guys I do manage to meet, it seems like we are not a a match, which is starting to frustrate me quite a bit because, when are they gonna find me more attractive than now? And when am I gonna have these beautiful romantic experiences? In my freaking 50s and 60s? It's ridiculous. This was supposed to be my best years lol.

It's easier for guys, they can settle later in life, but for a girl, I feel like young years are their best time to find their partner. It's freaking depressing and this is stressing me out to no end.

I feel like I'm not using all my potentials too and I'm spending my best years at home most of the time. I do go out, but the amount of people I see out is quite depressing. Almost noone is going out because of sudden peak of new corona cases here. And what is funny is that, rarely does it happen that I meet new guys through my social circle (that consists of mostly girls). I don't know if this is universe playing tricks on me lol.

What is even a solution to this? What can one do about it? 

@soos_mite_ah

 

Edited January 15, 2022 by somegirl

[Space Lizard]

People like you are the solution--young people who refuse to have their youth taken from them by people who fear death more than they love life. You don't defeat terrorism by cowering in fear, and you don't defeat a virus by not living. Demand your life back; go out and live. Tell all the old death-fearing authoritarians  to go to hell. They can't stop you from living, and don't have the right to even if they could.

Edited January 15, 2022 by Space Lizard

[Federico del pueblo]

@somegirl I'm feeling with you, experiencing the pandemic as a 20-22 year old sucks.

Anyway, how does Tinder work for you?

[Leo Gura]

You are so damn young, you are complaining like you just hit 40.

[somegirl]

17 minutes ago, Space Lizard said:

Demand your life back; go out and live. Tell all the old death-fearing authoritarians  to go to hell. They can't stop you from living, and don't have the right to even if they could.

You're right.
I am vaccinated, what is there else to freaking do at this point. 

[Thought Art]

The old project into the future based on fear trap... 

[somegirl]

17 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I'm feeling with you, experiencing the pandemic as a 20-22 year old sucks.

Anyway, how does Tinder work for you?

It's not for me. People who just want a fling go there. 

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are so damn young, you are complaining like you just hit 40.

Hahah, I do complain because we are only getting older, not younger. We already lost 2 years of our lives in isolation.  What is the use if I "start living my life to the fullest" when i hit 40? Isn't it better to do certain things while we are still young?

[Thought Art]

@somegirl My sister met her boyfriend on tinder, they've been together for like 5+ years

[Karmadhi]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

Hahah, I do complain because we are only getting older, not younger. We already lost 2 years of our lives in isolation.  What is the use if I "start living my life to the fullest" when i hit 40? Isn't it better to do certain things while we are still young?

Two years in the grand scheme of things is not that much. And i am sure you already did things these 2 years, maybe not as much as you could but still. You can grow a LOT even in a socially isolated world created by COVID. Of course it is not ideal long term but it is what it is. Fuck, if someone puts me in sedentary confiement for 3 months, everyone would probably say they robbed me of 3 months of my life. Well i would use that time to meditate non stop and grow like a MF. 

Plus you can still be social and stuff even with COVID, like u can make friends and date.

[Federico del pueblo]

8 minutes ago, somegirl said:

It's not for me. People who just want a fling go there. 

Well, many guys who you could meet in bars and clubs (or anywhere in life) are also just looking for a fling.

But there are other dating websites too and you can definitely find a bf on one of these.

[Thought Art]

Maybe make a list of the good things that happened over the 2 years

[soos_mite_ah]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

It's easier for guys, they can settle later in life, but for a girl, I feel like young years are their best time to find their partner. It's freaking depressing and this is stressing me out to no end.

Honestly, I call bs on this. There are so many aspects in society from the beauty industry, the media, friends, and family that try to reinforce this idea that a woman's life is limited and if she doesn't settle down when she's young that she's basically hopeless. And a lot of it is rooted in misogynistic narratives that thinks that we all turn into Prince Phillip once we hit 30. 

I also think that being in this kind of scarcity, fear based mindset that pressures you into finding a partner as soon as possible delays finding actual loving and healthy relationships. For example, for simplicity's sake, lets say that in the timing of your own life the universe has it written down that you're going to meet that ideal partner a year from now. Lets say that you're anxious, lonely, and impatient so you decide today to get into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable kitchen sponge of a person you didn't care much for in the first place, you end up spending 3 years in that relationship, and then in the 4th year you take time for yourself to process and heal from said relationship. Next thing you know, instead of having that healthy, fulfilling relationship come to you in a year, you delayed that timing by an additional 4 years. 

What I'm trying to say is that by rushing into something or dating around a lot because of a bunch of time pressures doesn't help the process. As hard and uncomfortable delaying gratification is, it does pay off in the long run. Sometimes, as woo woo as it may seem, you need to trust the timing of your life instead of forcing things that aren't meant to be. That's not to say that you do nothing with your time until that day comes, it's important to work on yourself and keep yourself open, but it's to say that gripping onto a reality you want so bad to manifest doesn't make the time pass any quicker. 

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

And the guys I do manage to meet, it seems like we are not a a match, which is starting to frustrate me quite a bit because, when are they gonna find me more attractive than now? And when am I gonna have these beautiful romantic experiences? In my freaking 50s and 60s? It's ridiculous. This was supposed to be my best years lol.

 There isn't going to be a magical age where you have a bunch of good options. Growing up you probably had a bunch of guys who were too immature for a relationship and thought that fart jokes were the epitome of humor.  Now, you have a bunch of guys who don't want to get into a relationship because they're interested in fucking around or you have older guys being creepy and trying to manipulate you. So yeah, you might have more options but that doesn't always mean you have good options. And then I'm sure when we're in our 30s and up, there will be guys who have come out of a divorce or two and have learned nothing in the process. 

There isn't going to be a magical age where you get these beautiful romantic experiences. You're always going to have to filter through guys and find ones that actually like you and will treat you right. But the good part about there not being a magical age is that there is no set time when these experiences can happen. It can happen in your late 20s, 30s, 40s etc. It doesn't have to be now and it certainly doesn't have to be as long as waiting til your 50s and 60s. And I think limiting ourselves in this way time wise not only makes us neurotically impatient to where we can't enjoy the now but it also undermines all of the life we have left to live in the future. Basically, it robs us of both the present and the future. 

So yeah, I recommend looking into some of the limiting beliefs you may have and find ways to be gentle with yourself. I know telling a person to be patient in the face of wanting to experience relationships so bad doesn't help much (I'm currently dealing with that now) but something that I had a friend say to me has really helped me regarding this. And that is that it's okay that you aren't experiencing everything right at this moment because that just means you have something to look forward to.

I also think that a lot of people fall into this trap of trying to fit a whole lifetime just in their 20s because of the way society tends to fetishize youth and it really doesn't help anyone. This video honestly has helped me so much regarding roadblocks I have encountered with relationships, travel, and work as well and I think it would be worth looking into especially in the part between 3-9:30 

Edited January 15, 2022 by soos_mite_ah

[Kshantivadin]

Move to a bigger city. Come to the capital - all the cool people are here

I wouldn't waste time dating in a 200k city - especially since province culture is such that when you hit 18, you go to the big city to study. You have already probably extinguished all your potential encounters there.

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I feel like, since this pandemic started, I don't get to live my early 20s the way I want. I wanted to have interesting life experiences, love, live life to the fullest, travel with friends/a bf. This pandemic started when I was 20. I am freaking 22 now. I am annoyed quite frankly that this is happening.

Also with the pandemic, girl you know I feel you on this. I feel like just in general, younger people in their formative years from 15-25ish really feel the hit harder because those are the years when you really grow, put yourself out there in the world, and just figure a lot of shit out. Like developmentally speaking, there is a huge difference between 18 to 20/21. So while this pandemic has only been 2 ish years,  it feels much bigger for younger people because from what I've heard from a lot of older people is that at some point you start to settle into your life more for better and for worse. Better in the sense that you get more of a sense of stability, you already know who you are, and that a couple years here and there don't really matter. But that can also be worse because that can also easily breed stagnation as well. 

And I don't have a good solution to this. Something that really messes with me is how missing out on these two years probably fucked with me developmentally when it comes to me having my whole coming of age, main character moment. Some of the ways that I've tried to cope with this is building healthy relationships, keeping track of the ways that I have grown as a person, and trying to build life experiences in the form of long term goals and projects since I can't exactly go out and seek out those experiences. Also, giving yourself space to mourn and grieve this is crucial because it's perfectly natural and understandable that all of this sucks and it feels like you really missed out on these often times really pivotal times of your life. I feel like saying oMg You'RE sO yoUNg, yOu hAvE sO muCH liFE aheAD OF yoU means well but ultimately, especially when the pandemic is concerned, doesn't really alleviate the pain or validate where you are in this process. Sometimes you just need to sit with those emotions, let them run their course, and see the validtity and the sanity of feeling this way. And while coping is important to keep yourself going, you don't want to shove all of your emotions down and not validate them or process them because that will manifest in not so pleasant ways later on. 

As for putting yourself back out there, I think that can depend on vaccinations, booster shots, how COVID is impacting your area, and any other family members and health issues that may be present. I personally wouldn't recommend rushing out for the sake of not wanting to deal with this anymore just yet because even you do catch a minor case of COVID, you can still deal with health complications in the long term. And we don't even know the extent of this either so there's that. Again, I don't know what your situation is like and how COVID is impacting your area but it's important to weigh these pros and cons because the pandemic isn't going to stop just because we're tired of dealing with this. 

Edited January 15, 2022 by soos_mite_ah

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

We already lost 2 years of our lives in isolation.

That's on you. You could have used those two years to build out your life.

If anything, having a bunch of sex too early is a waste of your life potential.

[How to be wise]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

This has also lowered (my already low) chances of meeting potential bf.

Leo is also looking for a gf. Just saying.

[Hardkill]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's on you. You could have used those two years to build out your life.

If anything, having a bunch of sex too early is a waste of your life potential.

If you don't mind me asking, how old were you when lost your virginity or get your first girlfriend ever?

[somegirl]

55 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Maybe make a list of the good things that happened over the 2 years

Need to start somewhere in order to feel better about all of this 
 

45 minutes ago, Kshantivadin said:

Move to a bigger city. Come to the capital - all the cool people are here

I know, I've been there for New Years. There are certainly more cool people there. Though I can imagine it being too overwhelming to live there, with all that traffic and high prices lol. You have some crazy prices there  
 

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's on you. You could have used those two years to build out your life.

Probably could have. Thought about that.

[Karmadhi]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

Probably could have. Thought about that.

You can start today. Better late than never

[somegirl]

@How to be wise Just gonna roll my eyes lol.
 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

It's easier for guys, they can settle later in life, but for a girl, I feel like young years are their best time to find their partner. It's freaking depressing and this is stressing me out to no end.

Honestly, I call bs on this. There are so many aspects in society from the beauty industry, the media, friends, and family that try to reinforce this idea that a woman's life is limited and if she doesn't settle down when she's young that she's basically hopeless. And a lot of it is rooted in misogynistic narratives that thinks that we all turn into Prince Phillip once we hit 30. 

This is so true, you literally hit the core. I needed to hear this, thanks. 

I literally think that I have this pressure instilled in me somehow. And this unhealthy attitude "OMG NOW OR NEVER". I don't know, I just get triggered when I hear people talk about how many things a young girl has to accomplish by the time they hit 30-35. I think Jordan Peterson instilled that in me. Definitely him.
 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I also think that being in this kind of scarcity, fear based mindset that pressures you into finding a partner as soon as possible delays finding actual loving and healthy relationships. For example, for simplicity's sake, lets say that in the timing of your own life the universe has it written down that you're going to meet that ideal partner a year from now. Lets say that you're anxious, lonely, and impatient so you decide today to get into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable kitchen sponge of a person you didn't care much for in the first place, you end up spending 3 years in that relationship, and then in the 4th year you take time for yourself to process and heal from said relationship. Next thing you know, instead of having that healthy, fulfilling relationship come to you in a year, you delayed that timing by an additional 3 years. 

What I'm trying to say is that by rushing into something or dating around a lot because of a bunch of time pressures doesn't help the process. As hard and uncomfortable delaying gratification is, it does pay off in the long run. Sometimes, as woo woo as it may seem, you need to trust the timing of your life instead of forcing things that aren't meant to me. That's not to say that you do nothing with your time until that day comes, it's important to work on yourself and keep yourself important, but it's to say that gripping onto a reality you want so bad to manifest doesn't make the time pass any quicker. 

Yeah. I can feel this being true. It's better to develop a mindset where you will feel at peace, even if current situation is not your ideal, than to be frustrated that things are not the way you want it to be. It's much more healthy to have in mind that better things are coming, than to dwell in saddness and frustration. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by somegirl