Wasting my (early) 20s away.

[Tristan12]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can accomplish your best and deepest work in isolation. This is no excuse. Isolation should make you more productive, not less.

It's important that you learn to take advantage of downturns and crises to multiply your growth, not use it as an excuse for being inactive.

I 100% agree.

[Rishabh R]

Don't worry I am  also turning 22 this year.It hurts that my collage is not opening but Leo's video also have practical influences in life by just doing the techniques mentioned in the videos it produces enormous benifit. I would also further point out building a life purpose by finding what aspect of life you love ( like Science,humanities etc.) and contemplating What kind of  positive impact you want on mankind to have  through it ?Also remember that the whole world is going through a bad phase .

Edited January 16, 2022 by Rishabh R
Forgot to include a line

[Thunder Kiss]

Don’t be fooled into thinking your young years are better to find a partner, you realise that would be based solely on your appearance right?  Even if you do find someone to settle down with in your 20s nothing guarantees that he won’t leave you once you ‘hit 30 and loose your looks’ unfortunately.  
Infact the younger you settle down the quicker you will age, through child birth and late nights from rearing children and having no time for yourself.

finding the right person is more important than finding someone to settle down with out of fear. You will continue living in fear in the relationship because the reality is that you will get older and your looks will change, nothing you can do about that except take care of yourself and try make peace with that.  
Make peace with that and then you will attract someone who isn’t shallow and into you only for how you look, someone who is wise and appreciates the wisdom and inner beauty of a woman as she ages.  
otherwise you will feel even worse and more fearful once your looks do fade.  

If you do want to settle down young then try travelling to other towns to try and meet people.. that is IF you want to settle and live in one place. 
I would say move to a city, but even that won’t guarantee anything because the chances are higher that people living in cities aren’t looking for any serious commitments.  It’s actually harder to find love in a city, which is why guys are recommended to go to cities to pickup women and practice on them.  
but there is always a chance to find a diamond in the rough. 
Your best bet is travelling to other countries and spontaneously meeting someone on your travels whom you form a connection with.  Don’t think to much about needing to find someone, that will also make you more needy and you’ll end up attracting unavailable people. 

Practice self love and making peace with yourself and you will radiate love out.  Divine feminine women are created over time, You can be a beautiful and classy, glamourous and wise old lady. 
And the people who matter will see that and appreciate you for you. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by Thunder Kiss

[Salvijus]

Wanting to live an intense adventurous life is a good desire imo. But I doubt pandemic has something to do with preventing you from doing that, it's more about how you are inside imo. I traveled like 3countries while the lockdown was on in all europe, lol. That's much more then what I usually travel when there is no pandemic.

 

Edited January 16, 2022 by Salvijus

[somegirl]

5 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Wanting to live an intense adventurios life is a good desire imo. But I daubt pandemic has something to do with it's more about how you are inside imo. I traveled like 3countries or more while the lockdown was on in all europe, lol.

Yeah, but lack of money/lacking constant source of income is also a problem.

I try to go through organization/student exchanges where some things are already paid on my behalf, but so far no luck.

Edited January 16, 2022 by somegirl

[Kshantivadin]

4 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Yeah, but lack of money/lacking constant source of income is also a problem.

Relatively true but also a limiting belief.

[somegirl]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can accomplish your best and deepest work in isolation. This is no excuse. Isolation should make you more productive, not less.

It's important that you learn to take advantage of downturns and crises to multiply your growth, not use it as an excuse for being inactive.

That's nicely said... It's more valuable to use negative situations to my advantage than to dwell on negative feelings and wonder why the things are not the way I want them to be.

[somegirl]

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Relatively true but also a limiting belief.

How so?

[Salvijus]

15 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Yeah, but lack of money/lacking constant source of income is also a problem.

I try to go through organization/student exchanges where some things are already paid on my behalf, but so far no luck.

At least a relationship you can find. Doesn't cost anything ? 

Edited January 16, 2022 by Salvijus

[somegirl]

24 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Be carefull who you're listening to, and taking advice from. Jordan Peterson has a pretty negative perspective on life in general.

Yeah I remember him once saying (gonna paraphrase it) "Guys have it easier as they can decide to settle later in life, but girls find themselves in difficult situation because they need to figure a lot of things out by the time they hit 30-35". That honestly puts a pressure on me.

[Kshantivadin]

12 minutes ago, somegirl said:

How so?

There exist cheap/free travel options. If crossing a border doesn't cost anything, that means you can travel for free.

Also, this -

25 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Yeah, but lack of money/lacking constant source of income is also a problem.

- is an internal problem, not external.

[SelfHelpGuy]

@somegirl Okay, I feel called to say something here.

 

7 hours ago, somegirl said:

Yeah I remember him once saying (gonna paraphrase it) "Guys have it easier as they can decide to settle later in life, but girls find themselves in difficult situation because they need to figure a lot of things out by the time they hit 30-35". That honestly puts a pressure on me.

This will obviously refer to the biological clock, so if you're interested in kids of course you'll want to keep that in mind.

But the overarching thing is to remember that life is this fundemantly infinitely intelligent being. That You are and you came from.

How don't you know that this 2-year isolation won't directly lead you to an incredible person you wouldn't have already met?

How don't you know that this 2-year isolation won't lead you towards a passionate career, financial abundance and deeper insights?

It's easy to look at our situation and see "For fuck sake, why now, why me - I hate this" but consider the possibility that it's possible to look at it and find the intelligence, the lesson of the situation.

Instead contemplate "What's the benefit of this, what's the lesson, where's the love in this, how I can I use this to my advantage etc." 

 

Much love, the universe got you 

Edited January 16, 2022 by SelfHelpGuy

[roopepa]

8 hours ago, somegirl said:

"Guys have it easier as they can decide to settle later in life, but girls find themselves in difficult situation because they need to figure a lot of things out by the time they hit 30-35". That honestly puts a pressure on me.

There is a hundred thousand "truths" and "facts" and "studies" and "statistics" and "arguments" and whatever ideas & beliefs you could internalize and believe, that makes you feel like shit about yourself and life. I recommend you not to swallow them.

Your wellbeing is most important. Don't let anyone tell you that the best time is at your 20s. Don't let anyone set such anxiety and pressure on you. Fuck Jordan Peterson and his nonsense. You are you and you can do and be and think whatever you want.

What comes to the pandemic times, you can still date you know? There's Tinder. Check outside your hometown. People are still going on dates and building relationships. You just gotta readjust to the present situation.

[Leo Gura]

10 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

I feel like this "regretting your lost time" thing is very counterproductive, in fact all regrets are counterproductive. Not saying it's OK to be wasting one's life away, but all this does is make a person overly anxious about the remaing time of his/her life, which is gonna hurt the productivity, not increase it. Motivation based on fear is not a sustainable motivation. Just sayin'.

Ofc, what you've said is factually true, but statements like these cause uneccessary regret.

That regret is good. It's what fuels you to stop dicking around and start living purposefully.

It's good to feel some of that regret early on, not when you're 40 or 50 and pissed 2/3rds of your life away.

[Danioover9000]

@somegirl

22 hours ago, somegirl said:

I feel like, since this pandemic started, I don't get to live my early 20s the way I want. I wanted to have interesting life experiences, love, live life to the fullest, travel with friends/a bf. This pandemic started when I was 20. I am freaking 22 now. I am annoyed quite frankly that this is happening.

This has also lowered (my already low) chances of meeting potential bf. (I say "already low" because I live in a city of 200,000 people, where more than half are older people).

And the guys I do manage to meet, it seems like we are not a a match, which is starting to frustrate me quite a bit because, when are they gonna find me more attractive than now? And when am I gonna have these beautiful romantic experiences? In my freaking 50s and 60s? It's ridiculous. This was supposed to be my best years lol.

It's easier for guys, they can settle later in life, but for a girl, I feel like young years are their best time to find their partner. It's freaking depressing and this is stressing me out to no end.

I feel like I'm not using all my potentials too and I'm spending my best years at home most of the time. I do go out, but the amount of people I see out is quite depressing. Almost noone is going out because of sudden peak of new corona cases here. And what is funny is that, rarely does it happen that I meet new guys through my social circle (that consists of mostly girls). I don't know if this is universe playing tricks on me lol.

What is even a solution to this? What can one do about it? 

@soos_mite_ah

 

   The good news is, this is way too young an age to be complaining about dating and sexuality. Don't worry, you'll get enough life experiences to be able to date and find the right partner for you, you literally have too much time and energy to not screw this up. The bad news, you have to learn to discipline yourself about getting what you want.

[Danioover9000]

   In fact, there's no such thing as wasted time at all.

[Danioover9000]

@Knowledge Hoarder

1 minute ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Wasting time is a very broad term though. Depends on what you're trying to achieve. For example, if you're working fully on your life purphose early in life, giving it your 100%, and thus not socializing or dating, having regrets about not socializing or dating during your teens will only make you depressed, and slow you down. It's like going throught a mud, when you could've gone throught highway.

Surely you must understand what I'm talking about. You wouldn't be where you are now, if you were wasting your time having regrets.

   I think what he meant with regret being a 'good thing' in motivating one towards changing some aspect of life, is it's like negative motivation. Eventually, sooner or later the regret generates so much suffering, that the person has to release that psychic tension in the mind/body at some point and start taking corrective action. Otherwise, it'll be an unhealthy catharsis, damaging not just the person but other people around them.

   Ideally, we all should be able to generate positive motivation inside us, but sometimes we can't and we end up negatively intrinsically motivating ourselves, so next best thing is extrinsic. Sometimes, even positive extrinsic motivation isn't enough, so it's off to negatively extrinsic motivation, which is either you sink, or swim, which I offer to those reading, you do not want to find yourself being negatively extrinsically motivated.

[Leo Gura]

35 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Wasting time is a very broad term though.

It's a relative notion, but still a very useful one.

Quote

Surely you must understand what I'm talking about. You wouldn't be where you are now, if you were wasting your time having regrets.

Of course you don't sit around wasting days, weeks, and months on end in regret. But having some regret about how you've wasted your time in the past is a great thing. More people should experience that.

The point of that regret is to hone your priorities and strengthen your motivation and commitment to a purposeful life.

[mandyjw]

The only waste of time is in entertaining thoughts about yourself that feel like crap. I'm 33 and I've never felt better. I've found confidence like I never had in my early 20's and that's what matters most in attraction, whether it's friends or relationship partners. I see women in their 60's and older who are beautiful and living amazing lives, some even starting over with new careers and partners. I see people in their 70's and 80's who are so clear and transparent as a spirit that they just glow. There is nothing to fear in aging. It just keeps getting better and better. If you lose something in your life, or about your appearance, it's liberating to let it go. It feels amazing to feel amazing in your skin. All there is to be done is dropping the perspectives that already feel like crap to you that say anything different. 

Notice that when you feel depressed, you aren't attracted to anything? Nothing looks good to you. It's like grocery shopping when your nauseous, it's such a task to fill your cart with stuff. In the same way, you're not gonna me a match for that spark you're looking for unless you find it within yourself first. Pay attention to how you feel first and you will attract and be attracted. Make a list of stuff that makes you happy, or that would be fun. Maybe learn something new, bellydancing?, or learn to cook something new. Paint something, sing, dance, whatever pleases you. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by mandyjw

[universe]

Consider if it is really helpful for you to see yourself as a victim here.

To go into that mentality, nourishing thoughts about how all these factors (covid, your city, even your looks) are hindering you to live your life the way you want. Making you waste your life.

And if it is not helpful, where do these beliefs come from and would it be a good idea to continue with em?