How to stop being insecure

[UNZARI]

My self esteem has been very very low the past 6 months. I was practically unemployed barely scraping by and I almost never left the house. The cherry on top was when my girlfriend expressed how bad it affected her. It broke my heart and I knew I needed to change or she would leave me.

In the past month I’ve made large strides in changing. I have 2 jobs now. I buy her gifts and go out with her all the time. I will also finally start therapy next month. 
 

But the past couple of months were pretty traumatizing in a way. I became very suicidal, and didn’t really tell anyone about it. To be clear, I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life. I just haven’t had suicidal thoughts until all of this. It felt like I had ruined all the goods things I had in my life. 
 

So even though I’m doing better now, I’m still suffering through all of these feelings of anguish, self loathing, and paranoia. Sometimes I feel better about myself, but other times I feel very insecure. 
 

What are some things I can start doing today that will help? Thank you

[SonataAllegro]

Tell your gf how you've been feeling. Don't overshare or turn into an emotional puddle, but she needs to know this is how you've been feeling or else she'll mistrust you.

[UNZARI]

@SonataAllegro I slowly told her when i first started to work on the problem. She was very accepting and non judgmental. I tried to do it in a way that wasn’t too overbearing. But I’m sure I came off as pathetic sometimes (which only adds to my insecurities lol). But for about 2 months I’ve barely talked about how I feel so I think I do need to just express that I’m dealing with the fallout of what went on

[Kksd74628]

@UNZARI 
First of all there is "friend" in word "girlfriend" so that at least should put that relationship in perspective that the other that you love so much is there to help you when you are having hard times so don't hide feelings or thoughts that come to mind.

I see feeling of insecurity being lack of 3 key components that are passion, self expression or mastery in something.

You need passion in life to get yourself really excited about anything. When you have found what you want to do after that may develop mastery in that thing and that builds your self confidece, because you start to believe in yourself. After your self confidence has skyrocketed you start to generate desire to express your great ideas and authentic feelings to the world.

Tell me what are your current masteries or passions in life or at least what would be exremely interesting things to work towards.

I am by your side allways you beautiful soul <3

[flume]

3 hours ago, UNZARI said:

What are some things I can start doing today that will help?

Start asking the right questions

What happened that you've struggled with depression all your life? What's the root of all of this?

[hyruga]

Become non attached to approvals and outcome. Realise you are whole with or without her.

[Space Lizard]

Stop giving a fuck. De-socialize yourself. Become a barbarian. Get in tune with nature and your body. Check your testosterone level and supplement it if necessary. Seriously, this will give you all the self-esteem you need.

[Nahm]

21 hours ago, UNZARI said:

What are some things I can start doing today that will help?

In regard to what is, recognize insecurity as an emotion you experience, and recognize that emotion as guidance in regard to what you’re thinking (about yourself). 

In regard to what will be, recognize jealousy as emotional guidance as well, and write down what you see others having or experiencing, which you also what to have or experience. 

Notice the shift in better feeling, from discordant thoughts about yourself, to what you want to experience. 

Then continuing expressing each emotion up the scale, and actually experience what you desire to experience.