My day of saying hi to 100 strangers

[Illusory Self]

I decided to go out today to just say high to 100 strangers, working on eye contact, vocal tonality & confidence.

I would just say 'hi, hope you have a good day' or something along those lines. Unfortunately my vocabulary feels very scripted. It feels that like that alot.Lacks spontaneity. Honestly I found this whole situation incredibly socially & emotionally draining. I did not get to much anxiety though. What is the next step from here? I really want to sort this area of my life out.

I got a good reaction from most, I did not really feel that anxiety provoking as I am working on desensitising myself in social interactions. 

I could feel myself sweating & heart pumping though, sometimes I would get into conversations with cute girls working at the store. 

Eventually when I got up to number 85 I started experiencing a very bad panic attack, my legs got incredibly tense & stiff so I had to struggle my way home. I thought these panic attacks have stopped because I have not had them in months.... It felt like the energies were connected to my brain, somtimes when I would take a step with my stiff legs I could feel jolts of uncordinated energy throughout my whole body, I was sure I was gunna fall over & hurt myself.. I struggled with these exact panic attacks most of my life, it even lead me to dropping out of school to escape by playing computer games. 

They would always occur.. I would often question if something is wrong with me. I don't know how to stop them. I am pretty sure they have traumatized me in some way. 

I don;t like living in my social comfort zone all the time numbing myself to existence, I think I did good doing the first step today, just not sure what to do next & I don't know how to cope with this anxiety/panic attacks. 

[PurpleTree]

well interesting

100 in one day is a lot

i also get tense and clumsy sometimes with social anxiety

maybe you overdid it a bit, sometimes less is more, but sometimes more is more so who knows

[Lyubov]

Take nice deep breathes. Feel where they are. Look up “somatic” exercises on YouTube for calming panic attacks. Count/name stuff in your environment, notice the colors of it, touch something warm/cold if different temperatures, breath through your nose and notice any smells, chew some gum and focus on the taste, notice different sounds around you. Basically you are in a fight or flight situation cause something in your past made you feel you were in danger when socializing or around people. By exposing yourself more to this and actively noticing what comes up you will retrain your nervous system. 

[Lyubov]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

well interesting

100 in one day is a lot

i also get tense and clumsy sometimes with social anxiety

maybe you overdid it a bit, sometimes less is more, but sometimes more is more so who knows

This is actually a good point. If it’s so triggering that you are having panic attacks I would do less. You could be stressing yourself and your system too much and it will be hard to go out again to do this. Get yourself up to a point where you still feel grounded but out of your comfort zone and build from there. It takes slow little bits to get to a point where you don’t react to this. 

[Federico del pueblo]

55 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

I decided to go out today to just say high to 100 strangers, working on eye contact, vocal tonality & confidence.

First of all: great job!

Quote

Honestly I found this whole situation incredibly socially & emotionally draining. I did not get to much anxiety though.

If you weren't anxious then what was so draining about it? If you sit down at home and then say "hi" 100 times to the wall will it be draining too? I'm just wondering if you might simply not have acknowledged your anxiety, maybe because it's hard to accept, but I could be completely wrong here.

Quote

I could feel myself sweating & heart pumping though

sounds like symptoms of anxiety, which btw is completely fine.

Quote

Eventually when I got up to number 85 I started experiencing a very bad panic attack

Which is often the culmination of too much stress (or anxiety).

When you get anxious or nervous or fearful or stressed or worried etc your body activates the stress response aka fight or flight response, so your sympathetic nervous system switches on, then when you get the panic attack this stress response goes into overload mode, so you get extreme amounts of sympathetic activity and produce great amounts of stress hormones which make your entire body feel different.

It sounds like what you did is generally an appropriate course of action, but that you simply did a bit too much of it, thus overburdening some of the regulatory systems of your brain, nervous system and hormonal system.

I would suggest doing a bit less, or maybe even just 15-20 "hi" but therefore doing it more regularly until you fully desensitize.

Because what you want to avoid is that your nervous starts to associate the 100s "Hi's" challenge or similar things with panic attacks, that wouldn't be helpful for your purposes.

[Gregory1]

I am proud of you man. This is something not many people could do. Great achivement!

[Leo Gura]

Good work. Keep going out and socializing. And remember, quality over quantity.

Next time do 5 deeper converasations with strangers. This will grow your skills more than 100 hellos. Gradually you will get better and better at conversation and they will become easier, more natural, and more enjoyable.

The key is to start enjoying it. Otherwise you won't be able to sustain it. If you enjoy it there won't be any anxiety either.

[Abdelghafar]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Good work. Keep going out and socializing. And remember, quality over quantity.

Next time do 5 deeper converasations with strangers. This will grow your skills more than 100 hellos. Gradually you will get better and better at conversation and they will become easier, more natural, and more enjoyable.

The key is to start enjoying it. Otherwise you won't be able to sustain it. If you enjoy it there won't be any anxiety either.

This makes me feel unique about boosting my social skills through speaking to thousands of men and women by being an English Instructor.

I swear, it has been majorly beneficial.

Good luck to you, bud. @Illusory Self

Edited January 11, 2022 by Abdelghafar

[Thought Art]

@Illusory Self Good idea, congrats 

[Hardkill]

Good job, OP.

I started out doing something very similar to this when I was a part of a CBT group therapy program for social anxiety. It helped a lot.

Btw, this free approach anxiety program has a complete step-by-step practical method for tremendously improving your social anxiety: https://www.goodlookingloser.com/anxiety/program

If after trying something like the goodlookingloser program still doesn't cut it for dealing with your panic attacks, then I would strongly recommend you see a psychologist or psychiatrist. There's no shame in seeing a qualified mental health expert or therapist. I've been to countless therapy sessions and have seen numerous psychologists and psychiatrists for most of my life. Those professionals can't totally solve all of your mental health problems, but they have definitely been both useful and needed for all kinds of people with all kinds of clinical psychological disorders and issues.

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Hardkill

[somegirl]

@Illusory Self Great job. Even though I don't know you, I am very proud of you.

This is a big deal! 

[JonasVE12]

2 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

I decided to go out today to just say high to 100 strangers, working on eye contact, vocal tonality & confidence.

I would just say 'hi, hope you have a good day' or something along those lines. Unfortunately my vocabulary feels very scripted. It feels that like that alot.Lacks spontaneity. Honestly I found this whole situation incredibly socially & emotionally draining. I did not get to much anxiety though. What is the next step from here? I really want to sort this area of my life out.

I got a good reaction from most, I did not really feel that anxiety provoking as I am working on desensitising myself in social interactions. 

I could feel myself sweating & heart pumping though, sometimes I would get into conversations with cute girls working at the store. 

Eventually when I got up to number 85 I started experiencing a very bad panic attack, my legs got incredibly tense & stiff so I had to struggle my way home. I thought these panic attacks have stopped because I have not had them in months.... It felt like the energies were connected to my brain, somtimes when I would take a step with my stiff legs I could feel jolts of uncordinated energy throughout my whole body, I was sure I was gunna fall over & hurt myself.. I struggled with these exact panic attacks most of my life, it even lead me to dropping out of school to escape by playing computer games. 

They would always occur.. I would often question if something is wrong with me. I don't know how to stop them. I am pretty sure they have traumatized me in some way. 

I don;t like living in my social comfort zone all the time numbing myself to existence, I think I did good doing the first step today, just not sure what to do next & I don't know how to cope with this anxiety/panic attacks. 

Dude, Great job! This really is a powerful exercise. 

What is the next step? Exactly this what you are doing. As seen in your post, this amount of tension is perfect for you. It is triggering shit in your body which you can release on in the moment. Keep doing this exercise for at least 3 months and don't give yourself the chance to quit. The first day is the most difficult. There will be other difficult moments where you don't feel like doing the exercise and just stay inside, but if you want to finally get this area of your life right, consistency is key so don't let yourself be inconsistent. Don't let your mind take control. You have full control each day.

The fact that this exercise is triggering anxiety means that you should keep doing it until you are so embodied and flowing during the exercise and there is no resistance what so ever. Meaning there is no reactive energy at all during the exercise. You remain completely open. 

This exercise has the power to eliminate 90% of your social anxiety. If you can do the 100 hello's, flirting and connection becomes 10x easier. 

What makes the hello's work is your connection to your body and how well you are feeling. When saying hello, can you remain open - feel through your chest and heart? Like actually feel through that area and feel people through their heart? instead of tensing up and rising up to your head? Can you look people in the eye while remaining connected to your legs, pelvis, spine? You need to work consciously with the flow of energy through your body.

I will link 2 videos which you should check and they will help you understanding the next steps. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KhvLGe4-Lw&t=1s

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by JonasVE12

[Sleyker]

I support what @JonasVE12 has haid. You can go further by getting into conversations but, it sounds like the 'hellos' are a perfect challenge for you right now in your life. Please, KEEP DOING THEM.

What you want is to get more and more comfortable in your body each time you do it. Feeling light, playful, looking people in the eye, happy, calm. Please, keep doing the 'hellos', I know it's hard man but you're fucking awesome just for trying.

I also encourage you to watch the channel posted above, The Fearless Man, it's great.

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, JonasVE12 said:

Like actually feel through that area and feel people through their heart? instead of tensing up and rising up to your head? Can you look people in the eye while remaining connected to your legs, pelvis, spine? You need to work consciously with the flow of energy through your body.

 

 ? 

[ZenSwift]

I never thought of systematizing socialization into goals like this. I definetly have to try this. Like just go to a mall and strike up conversations with random people browsing products at a store, or wherever really. 

 

@Illusory Selfyou've definetly inspired me

Edited January 12, 2022 by ZenSwift

[Illusory Self]

9 hours ago, ZenSwift said:

I never thought of systematizing socialization into goals like this. I definetly have to try this. Like just go to a mall and strike up conversations with random people browsing products at a store, or wherever really. 

 

@Illusory Selfyou've definetly inspired me

I have been experimenting of just looking at every stranger in the eye also whenever I go out. Forcing them to break eye contact with me. I feel it has been helping to increase my confidence. Some girls will even smile at you.

[Illusory Self]

16 hours ago, Sleyker said:

I support what @JonasVE12 has haid. You can go further by getting into conversations but, it sounds like the 'hellos' are a perfect challenge for you right now in your life. Please, KEEP DOING THEM.

What you want is to get more and more comfortable in your body each time you do it. Feeling light, playful, looking people in the eye, happy, calm. Please, keep doing the 'hellos', I know it's hard man but you're fucking awesome just for trying.

I also encourage you to watch the channel posted above, The Fearless Man, it's great.

@Sleyker

I don't feel the hello's are that anxiety provoking for me though. Like I am not learning much, I mainly struggle with maintaining a coversation. Yeah I have been watching the fearless man it's great.

16 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

Dude, Great job! This really is a powerful exercise. 

What is the next step? Exactly this what you are doing. As seen in your post, this amount of tension is perfect for you. It is triggering shit in your body which you can release on in the moment. Keep doing this exercise for at least 3 months and don't give yourself the chance to quit. The first day is the most difficult. There will be other difficult moments where you don't feel like doing the exercise and just stay

17 hours ago, somegirl said:

@Illusory Self Great job. Even though I don't know you, I am very proud of you.

This is a big deal! 

inside, but if you want to finally get this area of your life right, consistency is key so don't let yourself be inconsistent. Don't let your mind take control. You have full control each day.

The fact that this exercise is triggering anxiety means that you should keep doing it until you are so embodied and flowing during the exercise and there is no resistance what so ever. Meaning there is no reactive energy at all during the exercise. You remain completely open. 

This exercise has the power to eliminate 90% of your social anxiety. If you can do the 100 hello's, flirting and connection becomes 10x easier. 

What makes the hello's work is your connection to your body and how well you are feeling. When saying hello, can you remain open - feel through your chest and heart? Like actually feel through that area and feel people through their heart? instead of tensing up and rising up to your head? Can you look people in the eye while remaining connected to your legs, pelvis, spine? You need to work consciously with the flow of energy through your body.

I will link 2 videos which you should check and they will help you understanding the next steps. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KhvLGe4-Lw&t=1s

 

@JonasVE12 Hmm, I don't know.... I don't really feel that much anxiety in the moment of saying hello's though. I more struggle with keeping a conversation going.

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Good work. Keep going out and socializing. And remember, quality over quantity.

Next time do 5 deeper converasations with strangers. This will grow your skills more than 100 hellos. Gradually you will get better and better at conversation and they will become easier, more natural, and more enjoyable.

The key is to start enjoying it. Otherwise you won't be able to sustain it. If you enjoy it there won't be any anxiety either.

@Leo Gura Yeah, I will try to focus on quality next time. My main struggle is being constantly stuck in my head after I approach & I draw so many blanks/not knowing what to say. That makes it quite hard to enjoy it. Did you have this struggle when you first started? Constantly over analyzing everything. I will usually approach, that is not so hard. I will say to a girl at a nightclub "Hey, you look cute, I wanted to say hi", after that though my brain will freeze up & I will just say like how is your night going or something, I know it is a boring thing to say but I feel so much tension to say anthything else & I feel I can never come up with clever or witty things to say, everything seems very scripted in my own mind for what is 'socially acceptable'. Maintaining conversations feels so hard for me, especially at the beginning when talking to a girl because you have to do most of the talking, since they expect you to lead. 

 

[Alex_R]

Just focus on the motion and keep awareness

 

Stay out of your Head

Edited January 12, 2022 by Alex_R

[something_else]

3 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

I have been experimenting of just looking at every stranger in the eye also whenever I go out. Forcing them to break eye contact with me. I feel it has been helping to increase my confidence. Some girls will even smile at you.

I think this is a good exercise. I struggle with eye contact sometimes and doing this has helped a lot

[Arcangelo]

Reespek