Need Help Dealing With Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

[LiakosN]

Hey there.

My brother was recently diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder.  He is around 27 years old and as far as I can remember he was always acting problematically. We have visited several psychiatrists with my family except him, because he does not think that he has a problem and so he blames and accuses us for making him miserable. He said once to my father "if you don't do what I want I will commit suicide". Every month or so he has anger explosions. He grabbed me and my father from the neck and once he threatened me with a knife. My mother has depression that is cause by him and my father is constantly worrying and gets angry. I am keeping him a distance. We are living in the same house by the way. And we may talk once every 3 or 4 months. His behavior is really toxic, he wants us to leave according to his expectations. He is constantly anxious and occupies himself with cleaning the house almost all day. He does not go out or have any friends. So, my question is how to deal with it, because I know deep down myself I am suffering. Thanks 

 

[Guest Annetta]

@LiakosN If he is threatening to harm you, the next time he does that you need to call the police and have him removed from the home for some sort of psychological treatment.  If he refuses to get treatment and is threatening you - he needs to leave.  Plain and simple.  In fact, not catering to that behaviour will change it - he will have to adapt or... will end up homeless.  I know that sounds brutal, but you can't be living in a fuckin' house where someone is threatening you with knives.  That's insane.  Tell your family.  That's insane.  You are all compromising your health for someone who will not get treatment.  :,(

Your family is allowing him to act this way by letting him continue on with his obsessions.  When he rages like that, get the police involved.  That's your out right there.  It may cause problems in the short term but sometimes a little tough love in necessary.  Good luck.

P.S. - (I have anger issues, too - it can be treated and dealt with properly but he has to want to change - an ultimatum might be just what he needs.  That shit does work.  Set your boundaries.)

Edited January 8, 2017 by Babybat

[philosogi]

Hi @LiakosN, sorry I can't offer any real help. It sounds like you're in a really tough situation, stuck between your parents and your brother and wanting to do the right thing for everyone. I don't know how old you are, but it might be easier to help if you move out until your brother gets treatment.

[LiakosN]

Hey thank you both of you for your responses. I am 25 years old, currently stuck in my home with my parents and my brother. The psychiatrist told us that we should involve the police and maybe close him to a clinic. The other option she told us is to move with my parents and leave him alone till he suffers so badly until he reaches depression and seek for help. But man I don't know everyday living with him is a bad nightmare, a hell. I am trying to keep myself strong,but for how long?? 

[mostly harmless]

Proposals:

Let hime know that all of you sad that he's in a bad place, worried about his future and don't know how to help.

Let him know that his problems also makes all of your lives miserable.

Ask him what kind of live he would like to live, what would he want his live to be like in 10 years, and if he has any hope ever moving into that direction. And if not, then why? What does he think his live will be like in 10 years if he just continues the way he does?

Ask him if he has any ideas how he could get out of his situation. If not, then invite him to think about and then tell you what help he would accept.

Let him know that you will give him time and help him but that you need to see things getting better. Even if progress is slow, that will be OK. But there needs to be progress.

It is very possible, that he will still be living with his parents when he's 40. These problems get worse over time.  

Your father has to understand that although it is understandable that he is angry, that every time he verbally attacks your brother, this will make your brother put up a wall. It may take weeks before there is a possibility to make progress again. 

Seeing a psychologist makes sense for you and your parents, so you can develop a strategy to make him accept that there is a problem and then accept help and work on it. Psychiatrists typically work with medication, not psychotherapy, so these are maybe not the best for the job of counseling you and your parents on a strategy. Also you may need to talk to several psychologists before you find one who can really help you. Not all psychologists are good.

I would also recommend buddhist societies, if there are any where you live. A lot of the things that work in psychology have been 'stolen' from buddhism. A senior buddhist monk could give you good advice. Maybe your brother is at some point also open to going to a buddhist society with you, maybe a meditation course. Also if visiting psychologists is a money issue, then buddhists are an alternative. I have been watching talks by Arjahn Brahm (of buddhist society of Western Australia) on youtube. Check them out. They should give you an idea if that could be something that might help.

 

If you have more specific questions, feel free to ask. Many years ago I was also hard to handle for my family and did not see a problem. I did never physically attack or threaten anybody though. The fact that your brother did should be talked about. He has to agree that this is a line he will not cross again.