I can help you with emotional issues

[Barna]

I want to help you because we're a perfect fit for each other. You're open to spiritual ideas but you have some unresolved emotional issues. You're not completely crazy, you're not suicidal, you just want to clean up your emotional space so that it allows you to focus on more important things. 

Alright, that's enough about you, let's talk about ME!  
I'm the perfect fit for you because, first of all, I don't know you. I'm not your friend (yet), so I don't know your past, I don't know anything about you so I can't judge you based on anything. And you don't know me either, so you don't feel awkward or ashamed to share something personal with me. And because we don't know each other, we can start fresh, with a clean page, anything you tell me is gonna be new for me and I can give you a new perspective on it.

I want to do this because I like to think that I've accumulated a lot of knowledge and wisdom about my own emotional issues. I did this with the help of powerful psychedelics and meditation. And it would be a pity if I don't share it or I don't help others with it. If this goes well, I'll shift my career in this direction and I'll do it full time. But for a year, I'll do this a few hours in the morning, right after I woke up, to serve you with the most productive state of my mind. It's gonna be completely selfless, free of charge (until I really become a professional).

If you're interested, send me a private message, or post on this thread, or just mention my username in other topics. We can stick to messaging, but we can also do calls, video chats, whatever you prefer.

Would be great if we could keep this topic alive so that others who need this can easily discover it. If you see this thread dying, just shitpost anything, funny spiritual memes are the best for this  

[Barna]

Only 1 (ONE!) person messaged me so far. C'mon guys and girls, I know that you're all miserable af!  

[happyhappy]

@Barna hey mate! thank you sooo much for ur kindness in helping out the community here!

[Barna]

You're welcome. But I'm doing it for selfish reasons, in the future, I want to start a career out of this. I just need more experience, so I'm experimenting on you guys  

[puporing]

@Barna If you’re still having a hard time getting people I suggest looking into volunteering on a distress line. Really good impromptu practice sometimes pretty urgent cases.. also comes with lots of training, though yes you won’t be talking to the person more than once.

[Barna]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

???always

Wanna vent about it?  

2 minutes ago, puporing said:

@Barna If you’re still having a hard time getting people I suggest looking into volunteering on a distress line. Really good impromptu practice sometimes pretty urgent cases.. also comes with lots of training, though yes you won’t be talking to the person more than once.

I think I wouldn't be good at that. I'm effective only if the person is open-minded enough. 
And I wouldn't like it because I also want to build up friendships. I want the person I'm working with to trust me over time enough to open up and express sincerely how they really feel.

[Barna]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

@Barna Unfortunately it's true. There was something about the way you stated it so casually though

This can work only in a casual way. Misery is just a serious drama in people's heads. Adding more seriousness to it won't help anyone.
And misery is the normal human state. Everybody is miserable on some level. For example, I am so miserable that I became an "expert" in understanding misery  

Btw, by asking "Do you wanna vent about it?" I meant: Do you wanna talk about your misery?

[Barna]

8 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Barna I've got a playlist called comic relief, so i think i get the gist?

It sounds like something I would like to listen to. Wanna share the link?

 

[BlueOak]

Empathy. I would like the best possible instruction you can offer on how to be empathetic before I put up an emotional/mental wall. I am happy to discuss almost anything right here so it helps others.

How do I default to being empathetic and understanding before I default to judgement and distancing toward someone who is doing the same. If I see judgement I tend to reflect it. What tips, tricks, behaviors, processes, advice anything can you offer. I do try and bridge when I see someone disconnected, as I recognize it in myself and then I try to meet them where they are. I've done that all my life if I saw someone neglected or outside of the group. But its rarely been my first action especially if see someone in a judgemental mindset. As years went on the pull to the behavior of distancing and judgement grew stronger rather than mellowed like most of my emotional reactions did.

Thanks for any help.

*I realise most people are operating from a place of disconnection and a mental wall, which helps to know.
**If you can meet me where I am in this statement I would really appreciate it reflected

Edited January 15, 2022 by BlueOak

[BlueOak]

To make it simpler, as above it sounds complex.

Any time i've been empathetic its meeting someone where they are.

If they are in a judgemental mindset, how do you avoid mirroring that while still being empathetic.

[Windappreciator]

40 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

If they are in a judgemental mindset, how do you avoid mirroring that while still being empathetic.

the whole point of being empathic is mirroring it.

i think you are asking not being irritated by it, getting lost in it?

Edited January 16, 2022 by Windappreciator

[BlueOak]

I don't think it is, if what they are doing is not empathetic, but i'd like to be educated by example if I am wrong. Irritated is okay :D, but I don't think anything is gained for either party if all that passes is judgement.

What you did was respond to a judgemental post of mine, so I set the tone badly to start.  You used a judgement in your first line, then tried empathy in your second. Are you saying its natural even in deeply empathetic people to always meet a judgement with a judgement first or is there a better way, to connect more with someone you are speaking to? Better, different, more beneficial whatever term fits.

*I did the same here, judgements, then tried empathy or understanding you.

[Windappreciator]

53 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

I don't think it is, if what they are doing is not empathetic, but i'd like to be educated by example if I am wrong. Irritated is okay :D, but I don't think anything is gained for either party if all that passes is judgement.

What you did was respond to a judgemental post of mine, so I set the tone badly to start.  You used a judgement in your first line, then tried empathy in your second. Are you saying its natural even in deeply empathetic people to always meet a judgement with a judgement first or is there a better way, to connect more with someone you are speaking to? Better, different, more beneficial whatever term fits.

*I did the same here, judgements, then tried empathy or understanding you.

on emotional level, same generates the same, if you get judgment through empathy and get angery at that you accelerate more judgment.

practice looking at the source of judgment and then calming, going for wellbeing.

Edited January 16, 2022 by Windappreciator

[Barna]

21 hours ago, BlueOak said:

Empathy. I would like the best possible instruction you can offer on how to be empathetic before I put up an emotional/mental wall. I am happy to discuss almost anything right here so it helps others.

How do I default to being empathetic and understanding before I default to judgement and distancing toward someone who is doing the same. If I see judgement I tend to reflect it. What tips, tricks, behaviors, processes, advice anything can you offer. I do try and bridge when I see someone disconnected, as I recognize it in myself and then I try to meet them where they are. I've done that all my life if I saw someone neglected or outside of the group. But its rarely been my first action especially if see someone in a judgemental mindset. As years went on the pull to the behavior of distancing and judgement grew stronger rather than mellowed like most of my emotional reactions did.

Thanks for any help.

*I realise most people are operating from a place of disconnection and a mental wall, which helps to know.
**If you can meet me where I am in this statement I would really appreciate it reflected

Thank you for the question! The key to this is understanding your own mental-emotional system.

Deep down everyone is understanding and empathic. Consciousness sees, understands, and feels with others, that's its nature. So we're always understanding and empathic, but we don't notice it because of the additional stuff that the ego puts on it. 

When someone is judgemental, that bothers our egos in two ways:

1. If the person is judgemental towards us then our little self feels hurt. If we identify with the self then we believe that the judgment of others can harm us, so we keep distance from them. To get out of this perspective, we have to disidentify from the self and recognize that what we really are cannot be hurt by anything.

2. If someone is judgemental towards others then through empathy we feel the judgment in ourself and that again hurts our self-image: "I'm spiritual, I can't be judgmental, this person is a bad influence on me, therefore I have to keep distance from them". So just as you said, as you grow more spiritual you're bothered more by other people's judging behavior.
To solve this, we have to drop the identification with the spiritual role and start accepting everything that arises in ourselves. Whatever we feel right now is already inevitable, so there's no sense in arguing with it. Just accept it as the truth of the present moment and then it's harmless, it might even fall away.
The other way to solve this is to just stop taking yourself seriously. Seriousness is heavy because it's filled with identity. So just let it go. When you recognize the judgment in you, just smile at the silliness of it, it's just a childish behavior of the little self, there's no reason to take it seriously. A quote about this that I really like: "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly"  

Edited January 16, 2022 by Barna
I forgot to be grateful

[BlueOak]

@Barna
I wanted to come back to this to say I read it at the time, and appreciated the time you put into it. So gratitude for it. I wasn't ready to give a response until now.

I have distance, space between emotions and reality most of the time. I still feel emotional knots, pains and pressures that are the onset of emotion. Yesterday for example I hit a peak, started external and later in the night went internal to resassure my limpic body, and find parts of myself I am pushing away still.

I have experienced space and become it in spiritual experience. But I struggle to fully be the separation you speak about, as I am both, this talking to you now and consciousness. Yesterday I realised living is enough, as long I live I observe and grow. I am a serious person that's part of this ego's personality, intense at times and overbearing at its worst. Its not a weakness its just a trait, sometimes intensity leads to focused understanding, effort, or strength for example when you need it. Othertimes it leads to self stubborness, self destruction and being overbearing on others.

Accepting truth yes, I've done that more and more as the years go on. It leads to both being accepted by others but it can lead to apathy within powerlessness to change what cannot be changed.. While I am okay with powerlessness now, I don't resist what I cannot change near as much, it still leads to stagnation when its taken too far. I feel I am there, in stagnation and stubborness.

Edited February 22, 2022 by BlueOak

[Barna]

On 22/02/2022 at 11:05 AM, BlueOak said:

@Barna
I wanted to come back to this to say I read it at the time, and appreciated the time you put into it. So gratitude for it. I wasn't ready to give a response until now.

I have distance, space between emotions and reality most of the time. I still feel emotional knots, pains and pressures that are the onset of emotion. Yesterday for example I hit a peak, started external and later in the night went internal to resassure my limpic body, and find parts of myself I am pushing away still.

I have experienced space and become it in spiritual experience. 

That's a great experience, thanks for sharing  

On 22/02/2022 at 11:05 AM, BlueOak said:

Yesterday I realised living is enough, as long I live I observe and grow. I am a serious person that's part of this ego's personality, intense at times and overbearing at its worst. Its not a weakness its just a trait, sometimes intensity leads to focused understanding, effort, or strength for example when you need it. Othertimes it leads to self stubborness, self destruction and being overbearing on others.

Accepting truth yes, I've done that more and more as the years go on. It leads to both being accepted by others but it can lead to apathy within powerlessness to change what cannot be changed.. While I am okay with powerlessness now, I don't resist what I cannot change near as much, it still leads to stagnation when its taken too far. I feel I am there, in stagnation and stubborness.

I'm also stubborn and overbearing. But I can laugh about it.  

Yes, I said: "Whatever we feel right now is already inevitable, so there's no sense in arguing with it. Just accept it as the truth of the present moment and then it's harmless, it might even fall away."
But this simply accepting works only for emotions, and not always even for those. There's a huge misunderstanding among spiritual people. Some people are like
"Just accept everything and relaaax. Don't do anything, just beee! Btw, can I sleep on your couch tonight?"
 Accepting doesn't mean inaction. Accepting means that you fully see the state of the present moment without trying to make it nicer in your head, or without lying to yourself about it. Then, when you have a clear picture through acceptance, you address the situation with your full power. Either you improve yourself, or you leave the situation so that it doesn't concern you anymore. But inaction is not acceptable in life. Try it, and life will prove it to you. 

Don't just accept the cold and the thirst. "Chop wood and carry water!"