Journal

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i'm less worried about public confrontations

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when i think about talking to people 

i see myself talking about how i used to be depressed and how i have changed and the convo leads to exchange of ideas and flirting

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i don't want to be excluded from society thats my #1 F

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its like i'm asking people to let me succeed , explaining myself

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i think i'm physically weak cause of all these anxiety and fear in my body energy level

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the truth is i don't know where i am and what i am doing

it seems like there is something missing about me socializing a gap or distance between me

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it seems to me that the people i meet are just pretending to be around me and its a fake situation

its like i am the one missing i am not here now

my brain no one is gonna fuck you

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i feel like i dont matter in life

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i cried last night while i was drinking thinking of what a pathetic life i have lead

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as i do work on myself jp is a good interpreter of things but also he is a know it all who over complicates things i realized that when i watched clips of his latest jre

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i will see how much i have to work on my verbals or

if it will come easily to me

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went out by myself and played a game with the owner

i still have anxiety

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cringing at D videos

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thought poppin

that god consciousness can't be reached just by meditating 

or it may take a long time

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Restart after kiss

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sometimes i think why don't i just give up and why keep trying why keep hoping that things are going to change 

i know i am going to die alone

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what a lonely life i am living with no-one by my side and the worst feeling is that you won't be accepted even if you tried to put yourself out there 

the thought of them reacting and saying why are you talking , why is he so quiet

to feel that at the end of the day nothing will workout

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got cut lets see how long it takes to heal

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i believe sub that big k's girls hates me

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realized i was wrong all my life i thought the world was a negative place everyone trying to win and crush others 

but its not people want to socialize make friends and work together to be successful its that simple