Journal

[MovForward]

people who are social have surrendered to how reality works and what is 

they are not complaining and saying it should be this way

[MovForward]

my main concern is how i am going to provide for myself 

[MovForward]

 

felt a little resistance in me disappear 

felt safer within me , able to trust myself

jan 27 2022

[MovForward]

i hate it when people dress well 

even though i have the same brand cloths

it makes me feel disconnected

[MovForward]

i am angry at nature and how my brain works and jealousy 

[MovForward]

immediate assumption that people hate me

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when i visualize myself walking in public i'm calm but still protective from the outside and people

if i run i see people staring at me or when i do something vison of people staring at me also comes up

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i care when people say what i have done is not enough in project

i care when people say stop it like it stings

i feel like i'm the only one being treated like this

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i feel even if i get a girls number it wouldn't lead to anywhere

i would be wasting money on dinner and wouldn't be able to sexualize the convo and it would be an awkward overall vibe

[MovForward]

about to go out to an appointment and felt the need to procrastinate and start downloads so that my pc could do something while i was away

or try out cheaper mode of transportation even though i would have to wait for it and end up late

[MovForward]

i feel stuck 

i'm not able to socialize and make friends and i feel like time is passing me by and won't make the best out of my uni year

[MovForward]

i'm not making friends or girlfriends or meeting people at all

and i think we about to move so i don't want the same circumstance to happen again

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most people assume i dislike them by the way i behave but i get anxious when ever people try to make eye contact with me 

i could talk to you for hours without eye contact and if they really contact i am looking away constantly and get highly uncomfortable which leads to them thinking i'm better than them

[MovForward]

been told i'm worthless growing up 

and its no surprise i have all these issues

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i feel like i'm falling behind

[MovForward]

my level consciousness  'All Criticism Is Untenable' direct experience 

[MovForward]

i don't feel bad complementing others like you saved the world 

[MovForward]

right now i'm limited i feel like i can 't improve my communication or studying or presentation skills but trust the process

[MovForward]

i have not been able to sleep a single night without me trying to escape myself through videos or movies for decades

[MovForward]

Ashmed of the people surrounding me and their level of self esteem