Journal

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and that most people are socially unaware and that the voice that comes out of their throat actually affects how people respond to them

the more you believe that you are not god the more people dislike you and not want to be around you 

literally thats why people don't want to be around beggers they have that feeling of oh i am this poor soul i cant do nothing and the way they carry themselves it literally turns people off honestly its disgusting 

 

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its so weird how i think 

its like i'm asking other people for permission on how i should live my life

should i be around people my age , do what they do ?

lack of knowing myself

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i know exactly what i want to do but i just can't take action on it

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i will spend 10,000 hours to improve my verbals and communication

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can't believe i have to start playing these ego games, making people at ease etc

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there is resistance to watching shows with hardships breaking bad, prison break, 

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a shift a little closer and feeling like the world is on my side

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its like i'm becoming less compassionate behaving like ordinary ppl 

why is he ruining my mood and shit

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is the world oppressing people or is it a mental thing , or the government or law oppressing us

that we are oppressed by our psyche

this is a question for the future me

when you come back to this post your answer

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seems like i need to work on my masculinity king warrior shit

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i guess what i want is to not feel like i have to achieve this thing in life or

i have to live life a certain way 

deprogram what my parents raised me to be  what my self worth is based on

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had a skewed belief that short people don't get respect and don't deserve success cause i'm lowkey short 

so it was basically a self hate 

writing this to remember the beliefs i used to have so that i can see how far i have come 

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like the rapper nav, tory lanez i hated them cause they were short and acting like a big man  like i really hated them

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future

 

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the truth is life is simple

reading people is simple look at their eyes and body language you can tell if a girl is loyal or not simply by looking at her eyes 

the eyes are windows to the soul

you can see how competent a person is by looking at their eyes what they are wiling to do to keep their status and protect their ego and their appearance Infront of other people

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psyche of fighting back is still not activated

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used to wonder

who cares about you? nobody cares

but its we enjoy each other company as friends and we should spend time together but when you start being negative and complaing and not life going your way you are draining my energy also 

you are not the same person i met and spend around with you are dragging me down with you so i need to step away from you

 

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i'm simping for gianna

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i'm going in out of places 

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people being interested in me only for my looks