Journal

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as i work on myself more i complain a lot less about how the world should be why i gotta do some things to have respect from others and about predator people trying to take things from people, why do people act like that and why can't people just be nice 

i'm more accepting of reality more.

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processing that there are predator and prey in life meaning 

my victim mentality lead me to people taking advantage of me that reality works in a way that if you show or complain 

neutral people who are fine on their own and can take care of themselves will leave you alone and avoid you

but people who have a predator mindset and using others to succeed will use you for whatever need that they want.

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main fear is safety and people using my insecurities against me or being alone

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i think studying and learning will become easy for me in the future i guess we will see with less resistance or none

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listening to audio books making me sleep pce i'm going to stop that for now

thinking on focusing on my purpose and figuring that out

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i should just focus on practical things cause there are a bunch of books out that i want to read but i procrastinate on them

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my brain is not letting me consume information be it about making friends or dating its not interested now 

may be it will change in the future 

i think its saying you already know enough apply it 

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used to overthink about how and when i'm going to spend on a girl on a date i guess that slowly disappeared

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i will admit that i have made major change when i kiss a girl

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in the past i always had the thought of kissing a bunch of girls or sleeping with many

as i raise my consciousness i realize that if a girl is cool enough its alright to be in a relationship with her

cool enough meaning that she doesn't want me to invite her to restaurant and spend money i dont have on her 

if she is a genuine person and has compassion and confident and secure in herself 

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LP and essay to procr

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the need to be always safe and is what is keeping me from taking action like 
i feel like i have to consume information to keep myself safe from danger
assuming that the people are out to get me

and the need to be smart and know certain things laws and prince and chess book etc 

before i start to take action and put myself out there

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the rule of reality is start and then consume/learn information

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i feel like i lack the words or how to respond if some guy confronted me looking for a fight and knowing how to handle that

it connects to fear it is an issue

jp think, write and speak

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i want to work on articulating my thoughts more be it in english or some other language

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getting online certificates

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been getting kind of these insights when i hear certain things

like when elon musk says i want to go to mars 

my thoughts

"it doesn't exist" comes 

my experience not changing when i look at a beautiful place its like whatever

the only thing i want is connecting with people 

performing on stage unexpected just going on stage and doing some thing (fantasy)

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realized that what leo did with actualized.org is incredible putting these insights into words 

that must take a lot of focus and hard work

because it is not that easy 

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successful people saying don't go to college

for them that might be an option they took

but they don't understand that to succeed without college

they need to study on their own educate themselves and the average person doesn't have that skill

and take massive action fail and fail

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i have not experienced that everything is consciousness and that only i exist and that others don't