What's your biggest regret?

[mrPixel]

Drinking too much, people pleasing, not following my heart out of fear

[Vivaldo]

@mrPixel same bruh

[Terell Kirby]

Can’t really know until I’m on my deathbed and able to play back my life from start to finish.

[Etherial Cat]

Having been untruthful to myself and others

Not living in the present moment

[Vivaldo]

@Etherial Cat yes. If you face the truth no matter how ugly it is, the solution is not far away.?

[Rainy Sparkle]

I have really contradicted feelings when I am thinking about regrets. Essentially, somewhere really deep some of my past actions really haunt me. I don't seem to be able to face them, accept them as a part of who I am, and what kind of person I wish to be.

Some of them are minor things that I'm still ashamed of after many years. Like acting in a stupid way, saying something stupid or different arguments with different people.

Some of them are related to not appreciating my own well-being or needs enough, not setting certain boundaries. Not being able to say 'no' in situations where I should really have done that. Wasting my whole life to a fight against mental health issues, because I haven't been strong enough. Not pursuing my dreams and my passions, because someone else said they're not realistic. Stuff like that.

And some of them are things that are really hard to deal with. Things that make me feel that I'm a bad person. Surrendering to certain actions that have been hurtful to other people. I've broken their trust with such actions. I've been dishonest. I have lied and told half truths, because I've been too afraid to do otherwise. I can't really look myself eye to eye and admit these things to myself. I know I have done all those things, but thinking about them really hurts me. They break the image of an ideal person I want to be and those things are undoable. I can never be the innocent anymore. I'll carry these things within me. I'd consider them to be my biggest regrets.

But, there's always 'but'. Some part of me really wishes that I had never done these things. Some part of me sees value in them. They tell an important story about me and are valuable material to do introspection, when I'm able to really face them without ending up uncontrollably crying in an deep emotional suffering, curling up to a self-pity and being only capable to think how horrible person I am, how I could have done these things to these people.

There are good things in my life. Even though I sometimes feel like it, I don't hate myself and my life completely. If I could, would I undo those regrets, and put things I appreciate in my present life in danger to vanish due to that? Probably not.

Sorry if I went overboard with my response.