Are we really in control on ourselves? Anxiety/ocd/mental state in general

[Nivsch]

Or we are mostly not in control of ourselves?

OR - 3. Maybe foundationally we ARE, and our beliefs about our amount of self-control fullfill itself accurately?

OR - 4. Not really, 3 is a fantasy, because there are more factors which affected your self control like diet, heavy metals in your brain and more.

Why I am asking this?

Because my OCD sometimes makes me so anxious that I feel I just must to do some rituals to solve the current issue my brain drops on me. For example there is a fear that some motion with my body will lead to something dangerous (mostly i know its completely irrational) but the fear is so strong that I feel there is no other way but to do the ritual to calm myself "Now you see you cannot harm your own body with a movement of only the body itself" and I get calm.

But 2 months ago I had an insight that "the intensity of the problem will always be what i believe it to be". And then, the following weeks were much better with much less rituals because I believed that the only one who does all of that, is always only ME (and the other voice who forces me to do rituals actually doesnt exists).

But last month my belief changed again after I read dr.zwig posts on instagram when he says there are two (or more) voices you have to integrate and make them communicate better. And then when they start to communicate, your psychy transforms, and thats healing actually.

These days I really try to love all my thoughs amd feelings and I do it in the framework of the "do nothing technique" for 20 minutes, couple of times every day, and also give love to the scary thought when it pops up. It helps! But they are always come back and I still feel stuck in that problem "matrix", feel NOT in enough control, and fear that one day one of the rituals will harm my body.

Classic ERP/cbt attitude just want you to resist the rituals. I tried it many times in the past and It didnt work. This attitude of fighting with yourself sounds to me not less than outrageous and dark.

I really struggle with this, and I want to know what do you think about that?

Thanks

Edited January 9, 2022 by Nivsch

[itachi uchiha]

u do not control everything and u cant. u do not control the weather, which political party win etc. u can control one or 2 things. but majority of things u cannot control. trying to control everything will lead you astray.read the book the one thing by gary keller and jay papasan.

[Nivsch]

@itachi uchiha I understand but thats not what I asked.

[kbone]

@Nivsch  Control is an illusion; awareness of what is happening in the mind is not. As Oneness becomes more conscious of the conditioned aspects of mind, many of the things one "wants to control" gradually fall away. The actual power ones seeks is in becoming more conscious.

And let's be clear, most attempts at meditation and the like are about that seeking. Thus, it might be said, that after meditation has played out its role, simply doing more meditation might actually be seen as a desire to control which, again, is an illusion. Meditation is only meant to slow down the momentum of the conditioned reactions of the mind one seeks to control, to create space, and to make the mind more prone to realization, the true diamond that emerges acausally.

The Peace that passeth all understanding.

[Nivsch]

1 hour ago, kbone said:

@Nivsch  Control is an illusion; awareness of what is happening in the mind is not. As Oneness becomes more conscious of the conditioned aspects of mind, many of the things one "wants to control" gradually fall away. The actual power ones seeks is in becoming more conscious.

And let's be clear, most attempts at meditation and the like are about that seeking. Thus, it might be said, that after meditation has played out its role, simply doing more meditation might actually be seen as a desire to control which, again, is an illusion. Meditation is only meant to slow down the momentum of the conditioned reactions of the mind one seeks to control, to create space, and to make the mind more prone to realization, the true diamond that emerges acausally.

The Peace that passeth all understanding.

Today I really think we can be more than this. In the past I have thought we are only observers but no more.

Thank you for your detailed explanation. I feel today there is definitely something beyond that.

I dont want to live in a daily panic attacks and i will not be in peace with that. I deserve more.

Edited January 9, 2022 by Nivsch

[yetineti]

@Nivsch It is your entitlement that brings suffering. 
 

“I deserve more.”

We are all nobody’s, do not act although you get a treat.

There is no difference between ‘control’ and ‘no control.’

Notice these anxious thoughts seemingly arise, uncontrollably, out of nowhere, while also seeming to be constructed directly by yourself.

Hence the feeling of no control and the feeling that you could do something or your pain is tied to how much power you give your thoughts.

I too have a lot of anxiety and some OCD habits.

“I take full responsibility, but I have no control.”

Keep observing your thoughts and get more comfortable with them, all the while try to hold these two thoughts simultaneously:

1. I take full responsibility for my anxiety. My level of anxiety is directly correlated to the amount of responsibility I take.

2. I have no control over my anxiety and surrender to the pain.

These ‘opposing’ ideas will eventually balance out to your unique situation if you are open to them both.

Some need to act, some surrender, most need both.

 

Edited January 9, 2022 by mw711

[kbone]

3 hours ago, Nivsch said:

Today I really think we can be more than this. In the past I have thought we are only observers but no more.

Thank you for your detailed explanation. I feel today there is definitely something beyond that.

I dont want to live in a daily panic attacks and i will not be in peace with that. I deserve more.

That's fine, and is what most people try. You will find temporary relief in the relative world of appearances (mind, philosophies, practices, seeking out and obtaining desires, etc), and maybe that will be enough for this lifetime. All good. You want "peace" from the daily panic attacks, just enough that you are comfortabe with the degree of their sincerity, perhaps. Existential suffering that is often spoke of will linger on in the background, subdued by the sense/illusion of control, but life generally (in what might be considered a circular fashion) will continue to provide opportunities to trascend the same repetitive boundaries/beliefs, and it will form a pattern in your life. Just stay aware, and when the time is right, you might remember this discussion and giggle a bit.

What I was referring to is that you will never find the "control/answer" you're looking at the level of the problem; trasncending it and seeing it for what it is IS actually what you would want to attempt to do. That you think you deserve something (i.e, the ability to transcend the panic attacks/anxiety) that you don't already have is indicative of your mind playing tricks. The panic attacks are the outcomes of several unconscious beliefs, at the core of which is the belief in a separate self.

Carry on.

Edited January 9, 2022 by kbone

[Nivsch]

@mw711 Thank you!!

On 9.1.2022 at 9:25 PM, mw711 said:

@Nivsch It is your entitlement that brings suffering. 
 

“I deserve more.”

We are all nobody’s, do not act although you get a treat.

What do you mean by entitlement?

The sentence "I deserve more", or something beyond that, that I hold?

And what do you mean by "do not act althought you get a treat"?

[Nivsch]

@kbone Thank you very much!

Can you explain what do you think about the seperate self belief, and instead what is real, and why do you think that?

And if you want, I am interested to know what made you think that from your direct experience.