Dark Night / Existential Terror

[roopepa]

I wanna hear your thoughts only if you know exactly what I'm talking about here, only if you have direct experience and have navigated through this stuff. If you have not, it might be better for you to not even read this one.

 

 

 

I'm having a bit hard time. I feel I know nothing & I'm lost in existence. I don't know if any of the spiritual people or philosophers or anyone knows the truth, or is not 'lost'. And I don't even know if writing this or asking for help can be helpful.

I don't get how it's even possible to not know who I am. How could have this happened? Why don't I feel like Home? How is it even possible to be lost in existence?

Like, what the fuck? Am I being punished or something? Why is there no clear guidance or navigation to show me what is true and Home? Has God left me?

I just want to feel better. I want home.

[Someone here]

This is a vague description. 

Could you be more specific about what's bothering you? 

[Forza21]

Of course, I had similar thoughts and feelings. It's 100% okay.  I was really confused and overwhelmed.
BUT!

There's only one thing, JUST ONE THING,  you really should know. 

You should know, that you don't have to know anything! 

You are confused, cause you think that you should do something. That you need to know something. That there are things which need to be done... But you should just.. RELAX. 
 
Take your time. Relax. There's nothing to know or to do. Just sit in the present moment, everything is perfect as it is. Just chill and melt in your breath in the present moment.  And leave all conceptions and thinking behind.  You really don't need to figure out anything. Life already is. You are. Just be.

Edited January 8, 2022 by Forza21

[Space Lizard]

5 hours ago, roopepa said:

I'm having a bit hard time. I feel I know nothing & I'm lost in existence. I don't know if any of the spiritual people or philosophers or anyone knows the truth, or is not 'lost'. And I don't even know if writing this or asking for help can be helpful.

I don't get how it's even possible to not know who I am. How could have this happened? Why don't I feel like Home? How is it even possible to be lost in existence?

Like, what the fuck? Am I being punished or something? Why is there no clear guidance or navigation to show me what is true and Home? Has God left me?

I just want to feel better. I want home.

I guess you took the "black pill". Welcome to reality, and have a nice day.

[Fearless_Bum]

You're doing good actually. 

The confusion being experienced we can say is like the ego bleeding to death. 

There is no ego, but yea that's a good pointer ?.

My prescription, go chill out and no judgement. 

[Breakingthewall]

friend, you have a long way to go, to arrive ... where you are right now. It is a strange story, an epic odyssey. the reality is that you are already where you want to go. that is, you are, there is nowhere to go. But you have to drop tons of shit until you realize it, and that takes a process. good luck with it. Strength and courage

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

Did you ever play a game as a little kid where you were at home, went to the attic (or the cellar, or maybe you built a fortress out of sheets and pillows) and pretended to not be home? Your imagination transported you to some dark old castle, a remote island or an alien planet... in other words, to some eerie and foreign place, and it all felt terribly exiting and mysterious. Why did you do that? You did it because you wanted to experience what it feels like to not be home, experience the thrill of being lost in the wilderness, so to speak.

God is playing the same game, in this very instant. God has not left you; God is playing pretend... pretending to be lost, pretending to not be you, to not be home.

Take heart. ♡ You are always home, even if it doesn't look like it.

Edited January 9, 2022 by Bazooka Jesus

[roopepa]

13 hours ago, Forza21 said:

Just chill and melt in your breath in the present moment.  And leave all conceptions and thinking behind.

Beautifully said. Greatly appreciated.

It truly seems like breathing is the only "way" to go.

[roopepa]

13 hours ago, Fearless_Bum said:

The confusion being experienced we can say is like the ego bleeding to death. 

Yup, that's exactly what it seems like.

[roopepa]

20 hours ago, Forza21 said:

You are confused, cause you think that you should do something. That you need to know something. That there are things which need to be done... But you should just.. RELAX. 
 
Take your time. Relax. There's nothing to know or to do. Just sit in the present moment, everything is perfect as it is. Just chill and melt in your breath in the present moment.  And leave all conceptions and thinking behind.  You really don't need to figure out anything. Life already is. You are. Just be.

This is actually really good advice. Thank you.

The thoughts try to grasp on something. They try to find something to "stand on". It's so weird. I keep finding myself trying to explain reality, explain why I am here and why this world exists. But every time it somehow collapses and the only thing "left" is just breathing, silence.

I'm starting to get what meditation is all about.

[Forza21]

3 hours ago, roopepa said:

This is actually really good advice. Thank you.

The thoughts try to grasp on something. They try to find something to "stand on". It's so weird. I keep finding myself trying to explain reality, explain why I am here and why this world exists. But every time it somehow collapses and the only thing "left" is just breathing, silence.

I'm starting to get what meditation is all about.

Exactly. That's why most zen teachers, if you ask them about point of life, purpose, or anything, they would simply clap their hands. There's nothing to be said. Our minds simply cannot grasp it. Mind gets looped, it's done, then we feel miserable about that. But it's about being, not knowing. It's intuition, there's nothing to get or grasp. It's like a river, you just can't hold on to it. Whenever you try, it goes away.

Somehow i understand what you feel very well. I fell into this trap of mind loop too. But then, i try to explain it to myself just as i said above.  

Edited January 9, 2022 by Forza21

[Nadosa]

On 9.1.2022 at 6:37 PM, roopepa said:

This is actually really good advice. Thank you.

The thoughts try to grasp on something. They try to find something to "stand on". It's so weird. I keep finding myself trying to explain reality, explain why I am here and why this world exists. But every time it somehow collapses and the only thing "left" is just breathing, silence.

I'm starting to get what meditation is all about.

I know that soo well.

[Nahm]

On 1/9/2022 at 0:37 PM, roopepa said:

I'm starting to get what meditation is all about.

?