Fear of "Looking" at oneself

[Striving for more]

I have just started looking at some of my own forum activity & realized oh shit, this advice from last year is really helpful, & I just forgot about it, or ohh look here is recurrent patterns where I kept complaining about X ect... 

But Almost this entire time on this forum, I have not looked back at my own threads, at peoples advice from past, at my own journals, & because of this I have missed out much benefits & application. 

But I know this comes down to fear. 

I know that I should focus more on embodying the advice I have already received and less is more rather than constant info overload that i'm bs myself because I don't devise implementation plan ... then this makes me feel even more shame that perpetuates the cycle of incompetence

and also should look back to see patterns in my own comments & journals (representing my mindset, focus & recurrent thought patterns), rather than always constantly commenting new stuff, judging, journalling more & more endlessly. 

So looking at yourself is very useful but also just merely going back to old comments & advice on problems I posted lets say a year back is useful, then I could even have forgotten that the solution or mindset to my current problem I need is in those old threads, but because of fear I don't even give myself the chance to find them because whenever I would think to "see my activity" or read through my journals, I'd feel this fear or shame or cringe or worthless sensation. 

 TLDR : I'm acknowledging that it's feels "painful" to look at oneself, emotions of fear, shame & cringe are like a force that doesn't want you to open the curtain. 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Striving for more

[Vincent S]

You Are Always Communicating With Yourself ❤️
And Its Very Important And Beautiful To See Yourself Along The Way.

The Judging Of Your Past Comments As Cringe And Shameful, Isn't Being Honest With Yourself. Those Comments Are Your Tracks Where You Have Been Walking.

When You Walk In The Snow: Stop And Look At The Footprints ? In The Snow:

Do You Judge Them?  
Or Do You See Them As Tracks On Your Journey?

Remember: You Can Always Look At Your Tracks And Find Your Way Back On The Right Path.  
And Sometimes, Its Snowing So Much That Your Tracks Are Covered Too Fast: And You Don't Know Where You Came From Or Where You Are Going. 
Thats When You Know That: The Important Thing Is That You Exist And That Your Treading A Path, No Matter Which Way You Choose. You Are The Journey. You Are The Tracks. You Are The Snow.

”In The Beginning, Its You.
In The Middle, Its You.  
And In The End, Its You.” 

 

 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Vincent S