Holotropic breathwork / shamanic breathing journaling

[Vynce]

Today i made the decision to implement holotropic breathwork into my spiritual practices. After some doubts i consider it solid spiritual work, which can easily be integrated in ones life. Especially compared to LSD trips, which take the whole day and can be mentally and physically demanding for the following days.

I've had two small awakenings right at the end of each 30 minute session. I will slowly amp up the duration in steps of 5 minutes. My goal is to reach 60 minutes by the end of the month. Let's see what God (You/Me) has planned for US. 

[Vynce]

Session One: 30 minutes with Joshua.

Start of the session felt like it would take ages to endure. Not really spectacular. Tickling limbs. Tickling everywhere after 15 minutes. After 30 minutes had passed, my consciousness became so clear and direct, that i noticed the structure of God in feelings, thoughts, visual appearances, auditory sensations and consciousness itself. Consciousness shrank, but Love stayed.

 

Session Two: 30 minutes 

Like session one, with a slightly increased realization of God structure and consciousness at the end. Love.

 

Session Three: 35 minutes

First time to amp up the duration of breathing. Felt unmotivated and frustrated beforehand. Had a lot of porn consumption and masturbation this day and felt miserable about myself. 35 minutes gone by fast again. Became conscious of God structure again and noticed that consciousness always is part of Gods perfection. Even bad thoughts, miserable feelings, experiences of loss and frustration are part of God ultimate plan of infinite Love. I also had the strong intuition, that my porn consumption had influence about my world view. Every bit of consciousness is getting dulled out because of that. This insight might be strong enough to get over constant cravings for porn. 

[Vynce]

Session Four: 40 minutes 

Had fear of twisted and dark states of consciousness without resolving them. At session three every twisted state resolved itself into oneness and love, but you never know this before you go into the session. 

Time went by fast again. I even thought to use this technique whenever I had to wait for an hour at the airport or so. Originally i wanted to do 35 minutes, but i felt confident to do 40. I don't really had a clear awakening state, but the end was blissful, completely relaxed and without any fear. 

[Vynce]

Session Five: 35 minutes

After resisting to do more session day after day I set the schedule to do them once a week.

Today it was quite easy to perform, but nothing really happened during or after the session. I was very relaxed and had a really still mind at the end. Very comfortable. No deeper insights.

[Vynce]

Session Six: 30 minutes. 

Originally planned 40 minutes, but got interrupted by my mom, who needed the room for an online Yoga class. 

Hands and feet didn't cramp/furl as they would usually do. Subtle insights into the nature of thought. But nothing mind blowing. Just peaceful awareness afterwards. 

[Vynce]

Session Seven: 37,5 minutes.

Session felt a little bit longer than usual. Breath occasionally normalized as I seemed to forget about the breath work, when diving into thoughts. At last all thoughts vanished. Glimpse of "God structure" as I like to call it. More important was for me to see how all of reality sits inside this nothingness. Nothingness fulfills and surrounds reality. In that case my imagination of there being a room or a house got smaller and smaller. Nothingness/Spaciousness remained. 

[Vynce]

Session Eight: 35 minutes.

Peace. Stillness.

Today I was filled with doubt about God and Oneness. Little glimpses of God structure gave these doubts a little slap with the back hand  No deep and clear memory flashbacks this time. But had many interesting ideas and plans what to do with this wonderful moment. Ideas were mostly about food like to prepare and stuff I want to do in the gym. Sounds petty, but thats what makes enjoyable for me right now. Happiness.

At the end I "dropped" under my perception of reality and felt this surrounding nothingness in and around me. Reality was just this thing in front of me, which is contained in nothingness. 

[Vynce]

Session Nine: 40 minutes 

Had 8 tabs of LSD the day before, so that might have influenced this session. Either way, it was a strong determination session, without any significant breaks. 

Tabbed into enormous creativity and Gods Love at the end. For example I contemplated for the perfect name of my brand. Now I think I have it

This time the bondages of my muscles were huge. But I could let go of my urge to resist quite well. 

I even had crazy colorful fractal vision during and especially after the work.

One of the best sessions so far. 

[Vynce]

Session Ten: 42 minutes

Nothing spectacular per se. I could not breath so well, because there was a lot of dust in the air. Time went by super fast this time. Refreshing ideas for my business came up. Nuanced insights how my thinking creates hell and consciousness heaven. 

Beautiful silence and relaxation at the end. Love.

[Vynce]

Session Eleven: 20 minutes

First session in the morning. Did not have motivation to go for the full 40 minutes. Relaxed and calm. Loving. 

[Vynce]

Session Twelve: 45 minutes

Longest session so far. Felt like work. But not in a bad way. During this session I had the realization that being selfless is my ultimate goal. To nurture others with unconditional feminine and masculine love. I decided to make a blog/thread just to document my journey to ultimate selflessness. 

Now I'm calm and relaxed. Not as loving as I wished, but wishing for love usually creates the opposite. 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Vynce

[Vynce]

Session 13: 20 minutes

Took me some weeks to get into breathing again.

So only 20 minutes. Was worth it though.

Felt love, forgiveness, beauty, wholeness. 

Really no reason to procrastinate on holotropic breathing, since it always heals the mind. 

Namaste.

[Vynce]

Session 14: 30 minutes

Felt rough. Was not motivated to start. Watched the clock every other minute. I was impatient for the "end bliss", which did not come. Now I feel dizzy, somewhat relaxed and conscious, but not loving or hopeful what so ever. Life sucks right now. I'm conscious of this "life sucks" feeling, and hope if I endure it "well-behaved" I get rewarded with peace and love. Nothing like this seems to happen. 

God can not be "ordered" by the ego. I feel depressed and lonely. This has surely something to do with the current ego backlash I'm struggling with after a long time of spiritual bliss and understanding. 

Even holotropic breathwork cannot pierce through the vail of ego backlash. 

Good luck to me.