Ego backlash from giving and love

[Vynce]

Yesterday I finally got the chance to be a "trip sitter" for a good friend, who wanted to seriously go into the experience of psychedelics. 

And since I have tripped for dozens of times, I felt confident to know what he needed and how he felt during the trip. 

I planned out the day with him, gave him the substance, cooked food for him, organized the music, asked him whenever he seemed to need something. But most of the time I kept myself quite, so he could get the most out of the experience. 

Today he drove home and I feel a strong ego backlash. It's as if you'd gave every bit of love you had, and received nothing back. 

Interesting to notice. 

[Vynce]

I want to point out that this love was not unconditional. I really hoped to see in him an outpouring of love as it happened with me several times during psychedelic experiences. Likewise I made this post to maybe get a little bit of love back.

This is probably the cause of ego anger and frustration. We are all selfish bastards. 

Edited January 7, 2022 by Vynce

[Fearless_Bum]

It is impossible to receive love from someone else. As you are the source of love itself, see this in direct experience, no conceptualizing what it means, just feel it.

And this trying to do the impossible feels off, like trying to connect two magnets with the same poles. 

[mandyjw]

Aww... sending you a big hug. Drop the "selfish bastard", "ego backlash" thought label shit. The feeling bad after was emotional guidance guiding you TO unconditional love. It came OF unconditional love to guide you TO it. Not backlash, that's just how brilliant you/Love is. 

Love feels like love. It's a reward unto itself. Sometimes we give gifts out of diligence and fear that it won't be received and appreciated how we want it to be. We cut ourselves off from the love of giving in order to try to control the outcome. Love feels like love. Sounds like the dumbest pointer, but I swear to god, it's the most direct. Sometimes we mistake action for love, thought for love, circumstance for love, even the thought of a feeling for love, but love directly feels like love. No self or other in it. 

You are Perfect. Not a selfish bastard, not backlashing. Perfectly imperfect because perfect would leave something to be desired and therefore be imperfect. You actually desire to be desiring. Perfect. Love. 

[Vincent S]

Read A Beautiful Comment Somewhere, Some Time Ago, Went Like:     
“When You Give Pure Love To Someone, You Are Always The First To Experience It.” 
Since It Passes From You, To Whoever You Give.   
Love Isn't Having It. It Is Being Love.

You Did Good ?     
Dont Be So Hard On Yourself.

Edited January 7, 2022 by Vincent S