Forcing A B-day Gift?..

[Kaity]

In few weeks, the birthday of my brother is coming up. He's 24. Got his bachelors last month in business and plans to start his own business. Sounds great right? Except..
I see that he's completely lost. Just like many other graduate students who learned nothing but a useless bullshit at school and have no idea what to do with their lives after graduating. He wants to loan the money to open up a fancy ice-cream shop even though his passion has been cars since he was 2. 
So I see that his current mindset and psychology towards most of the things in life wont get him anywhere because he's too closed-minded. I see him unconsciously following the steps of my dad, my uncles, my grandfathers or other male figures in his life that are complete failures if you ask me. I see that he doesn't express his true self because he's too cocky and proud. 
As his little sister, who's little bit aware about his psychology and where he stands, I really want to help him change and grow to prevent him being a dysfunctional, talent-wasted and bitter adult like 99% of my other family members. 
I started escaping my family dogmas few years ago, with the help of internet and the best $100 investment I've ever made- my kindle. This is why I really want to get him one with several personal development e-books inside that have helped me a big time. 
But there's one big problem. He doesn't like reading. The last book he read on his own was probably in 8th grade and I remember him saying that books are waste of time  Plus, he's probably too cocky to read a self-help book in the first place and take advice from an author.
So there's two possible outcomes if I get him kindle for his birthday: Either he'll laugh at me for assuming that he'd ever read a book and will ask me to exchange it for a bottle of whiskey or he'll just say thanks, not criticizing me only because i've spent my 2 weeks of salary to get him that present. But then again who knows, maybe this attitude is just his social mask and deep down he'd really appreciate some kind of guide to help him out in this confusing and challenging phase. Or maybe it's me who's exaggerating this situation in my head based on the perception I have about him? Maybe there's a hope for the 3rd case scenario in which he'll just accept the gift and make a use out of it.. But I'm more concerned about my continuous desire over the years to get him this gift because I feel like it's something that could really benefit him in a long run. I might just be a parent who's forcing the broccoli on her kids. But i'm afraid i'd feel guilty after a while for not taking the "risk" and trying my best to help him out. 
So i'd really like to hear different opinions about this topic and where the line goes between wanting to help someone through your gifts and forcing your own beliefs on them. I have a tendency with other people as well to give them educational presents that I think will benefit them, despite knowing the fact that they wont really like it. 

 So i'd like to hear from different minds if my approach is being overly concerned about people around or it's totally normal to want to share something valuable with others and I shouldn't be worried about being "forceful" 
thanks! 

 

[Shin]

The sole fact that you want to help him makes you a wonderful human being

Just don't expect people to change, or to be more accurate, try not to feel the need to see them change.

It is only painful if you think they should change, and no they shouldn't, maybe they will, maybe they won't, some are ready for it, some will, and some will never change.

You're not responsible for them, so there is no guilt or sadness to feel, only compassion if you see them fail miserably.

That does not mean you shouldn't try, always try, but don't expect anything.

We are all responsible for ourselves, and it is only by our own will that we can really change, so if someone doesn't want to change, there is simply nothing to do.

 

He does not like to read ? Buy him an audio book then

[ajasatya]

@Kaity losing oneself so one can find his own way is the best thing that can happen to a human being. there's nothing you can do to take it from him.

i'd give him a mini buda statue.

[Kaity]

@Shin

yes, it's very true that you only start to change whenever you decide to.  But I think it somewhat depends on one's personality as well and how resistant/accepting they tends to be towards new ideas.

For example, I feel like if anyone exposed me to some of the healthy phsychological concepts and books earlier in my life, i'd definitely appreciate and start implementing them in my life without waiting for years to discover them later on my own. Which is why I feel the need to do the same with other people so at least I could give them the chance to be exposed to something they might've not thought about before. 

But thanks for reading this huge post! Your comment makes me feel lot less selfish and annoying now!  

[Vladz0r]

Might sound like a downer here, but you really can't save everyone. It might be better off just utilizing the advice to better your own life, become successful, and become an example to others in your family. It's kind of like if you were to preach how to lose weight while you're still losing weight yourself. As a loved one, he might be more likely to take your advice. A lot of my closest friends won't even bother with embarking on the self-actualization journey or checking out Leo's videos, calling it "new-age hippie nonsense" and saying "just live your life the way you want it " and whatnot. For now, you can still drop nuggets of wisdom and just be conscious and calm with people, and when you're in your 30s and become really successful, and shed a lot of the massive amounts of neurotic behavior and limiting beliefs others have, they'll be begging you for the same advice you were begging them to listen to before. Once you're successful, your advice will come to mean a lot to people. A lot of people are discovering self-actualization through trial and error anyway. A friend of mine was reading a book that was explaining concepts like Talent and Mastery that Leo has discussed in his Life Purpose Course, but my friend doesn't specifically look into all the self-actualization concepts that Leo specializes in.

 

While we wish we can change our friends and family, know that most of them won't change. We have to commit to changing ourselves first so we can create some awesome shit in the world first. I try to get my mom to meditate regularly, and she tells me how she has no time, yet spends hours watching TV every day, and says she'll get to doing it more once she "sorts things out" first. It's kind a bit ironic to me, and it sucks when you think you know what's best for other people and actually just want to help other people. Go in with love and honesty, and be ready to accept your brother's reaction.

Edited January 6, 2017 by Vladz0r