Spiritual Ego-Death

[Vincent S]

Have You Experienced A Spiritual Ego Death? (Im Not Referring To The Typical New Age Spiritual Ego) Im Referring To The Story
Of You Experiencing Duality. And Being This Entity: Thinking You Are Seperate. The One Who Sees (God) Everywhere. "The Observer"
Or Call It What You May.

During My Previous Deep Meditation/LSD Trip: I Reached Somewhere: Where I Saw The Game For What It Is.
I Went In With The Intention Of Realizing No Self. And What I Was Shown: Absolutely Shattered Every Realization Before It.

I Experienced What Having No Form Was Like. The Pain That Came With It. This Was Not Related To A Physical Body.
(I Have Had Many Ego Deaths On Previous Meditation/Psychedelic Trips) This Was Something Else.
It Was Some Kind Of Existential Pain Tied With This Realization, And All I Could Perceive From It, Was: There Is No Other. Everything Is Imagined.
Even My self/Self) All Of It Is Imagined Before Entering That Identity. Even Taking On The Identity Of (God) Was Also An Identity/Form/Shape, That Can Be Imagined.

Outside The Formed Reality. There Is An "Experiencer".
But Through Creating "Imagining" A Life Of Duality. It Turns In To A Form, And Experiences "A Life" Or A "Thing" Rather Than A "No-Thing".
When You Are Outside The Game. There Is Absolutely Nothing. No You To Know, Who Or What You Are.
Because What You Think Of Yourself: Isn't A "Thing". Its A "No-Thing".
It Is Some Kind Of Void, Unformed, That Turns In To Everything. This Void Wants To Have A Self To Experience A "Something".

This Void, Choses Anyting It Likes, And Enters It. This Void Has Been Doing This Forever. This Void Is Everything You Can Think Of.
So When I Saw My Mother, I Felt Like, She Is This Void: Experiencing What It Is To Be Her. And When "I" Go Outside The Formed Identity: I See That She Is The Same Void. "I" As The Void, Am Everything There Is.

But The Dream/Life/Reality Of My/Your Choosing: Is Created Such: That When You Enter It, You Forget That You Are This Void: Playing A Character.
And Through Emotions, Sensations, Identifications: This "Reality" Gets More Solid/Formed.


Im Genuinely Interested To Hear From Those Who Have Experienced Something Similar.
Because This Have Completely Turned Everything Upside Down.

- Was It On A Psychedelic? During Meditation?
- Was It With The Intention Of Realizing No Self?
- Was It Painful? Did You Get Depressed After?
- How Do You Even Integrate This? Is There Even A Point?

Also: This "Experiencer" Between The Void And Identity, Is That The True Spiritual Ego?
Is That An Identity?

Am I Talking Smack Here? Can Anyone (I) Relate To Anything That Is Being Said Here?

I Dont Know...

Edited January 5, 2022 by Vincent S

[The0Self]

Yeah, I experienced similar, especially with ketamine. Really it was just indescribable though.

The spiritual ego is the one who believes that whatever it is experiencing or doing, whether positive or negative, has some higher purpose. There is no need to end it. When it is fully exited, it's seen that it's either that or nothing, so you go back in, and everything is exactly the same but seen as appearance rather than truth -- although since truth is all there is, appearance is not separate from truth. A non-I living in a non-world, but what you really are is not of the world. There can still be the appearance of higher purpose, in a sense... It's just not for anyone.

Edited January 5, 2022 by The0Self

[Vincent S]

17 minutes ago, The0Self said:

A non-I living in a non-world, but what you really are is not of the world. There can still be the appearance of higher purpose, in a sense... It's just not for anyone.

Thank You For Sharing.
 

 

[caspex]

Would the best description of that void be pure formlessness? If so, I have had an experience like that. When I got that I suspected myself of DID. As far as I remember, no pain came with it. Just shock. 

[Terell Kirby]

7 hours ago, Vincent S said:

Have You Experienced A Spiritual Ego Death?

This might happen when one realizes that our efforts to enlighten "others" are futile .. and that you are only thing that Exists in the Universe ..

Therefore there are no "other" beings for a spiritual ego to be superior to, and to educate.

Edited January 5, 2022 by Terell Kirby

[Godishere]

@Vincent S yeap just had this last night. It's all just a game and illusion you're playing on yourself. There's nothing to seek. Nowhere to go. For me the seeking is over now. I've seen enough for now and I want to enjoy the illusion of other, isn't that what life is about!!!? Doing stuff because it feels "good". 

The terrifying thing is that it's eternal! Infinite! To the ego that sounds fun and great but the actuality of it is maddening.

[Vincent S]

1 hour ago, Swarnim said:

Would the best description of that void be pure formlessness?

Yes, Exactly.

[Vincent S]

1 hour ago, Terell Kirby said:

This might happen when one realizes that our efforts to enlighten "others" are futile .. and that you are only thing that Exists in the Universe ..

Therefore there are no "other" beings for a spiritual ego to be superior to, and to educate.

Nicely Put

58 minutes ago, Godishere said:

The terrifying thing is that it's eternal! Infinite! To the ego that sounds fun and great but the actuality of it is maddening.

Exactly. This Have Been Brought Up In The Awareness Before. This Game Is Eternal. And Its Going To Go On Forever.
Which The Ego Doesnt Like: Because That Means That It Will Have To Die: Over, Over And Over Again

[VeganAwake]

Yes,

here it was realizing the ME/self/ego was never a real identity to begin with, it just seemed to be.

This realization seemed to occur after about a year and a half of hardcore desperate seeking....during deep inquiry into what this ME character was?

At first it felt like I had become a new enlightened individual and then it was realized THAT was the same illusion.... even that identity was recognized to be completely unreal.

That entire sense of individuality seemed to unravel loosen up and dissolve.

It's freedom from the need to become ❤ 

 

[Vincent S]

3 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Yes,

here it was realizing the ME/self/ego was never a real identity to begin with, it just seemed to be.

This realization seemed to occur after about a year and a half of hardcore desperate seeking....during deep inquiry into what this ME character was?

At first it felt like I had become a new enlightened individual and then it was realized THAT was the same illusion.... even that identity was recognized to be completely unreal.

That entire sense of individuality seemed to unravel loosen up and dissolve.

It's freedom from the need to become ❤ 

 

??❤️

[The0Self]

3 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Yes,

here it was realizing the ME/self/ego was never a real identity to begin with, it just seemed to be.

This realization seemed to occur after about a year and a half of hardcore desperate seeking....during deep inquiry into what this ME character was?

At first it felt like I had become a new enlightened individual and then it was realized THAT was the same illusion.... even that identity was recognized to be completely unreal.

That entire sense of individuality seemed to unravel loosen up and dissolve.

It's freedom from the need to become ❤ 

 

? 

Can attempt to describe it in many ways. One way to put it: the revelation that there is already only completeness. Not even that.

Inescapable boundless completion. Simply and utterly no need for more or less of this or that.

Edited January 6, 2022 by The0Self

[BlueOak]

Yes. Self inquiry got me there, along with some kundalini work. When I had a lot of thoughts and self doubt. There was a lot of ego to unravel.

I had a moment at the end of it, after my self inquiry, meditation, detox etc where the ego was lost completely.

I had a white light spiritual experience, which I cannot describe to you adequately. What we know as love here if you amplified that so it was everything, if you took a yoga bliss feeling and turned it up tenfold. Then had the cloud of that light linger for the next two days as you walked around.

No drugs.  Just routine over six months. Only etherium black and gold for dream recall until that stopped working.

Then life hits you in the face. You get some pain and suffering. The ego comes back or reforms in its protective role. Slowly the world changes as time passes and the ego has to come back further. 

[WelcometoReality]

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

Have You Experienced A Spiritual Ego Death? (Im Not Referring To The Typical New Age Spiritual Ego) Im Referring To The Story
Of You Experiencing Duality. And Being This Entity: Thinking You Are Seperate. The One Who Sees (God) Everywhere. "The Observer"
Or Call It What You May.

During My Previous Deep Meditation/LSD Trip: I Reached Somewhere: Where I Saw The Game For What It Is.
I Went In With The Intention Of Realizing No Self. And What I Was Shown: Absolutely Shattered Every Realization Before It.

I Experienced What Having No Form Was Like. The Pain That Came With It. This Was Not Related To A Physical Body.
(I Have Had Many Ego Deaths On Previous Meditation/Psychedelic Trips) This Was Something Else.
It Was Some Kind Of Existential Pain Tied With This Realization, And All I Could Perceive From It, Was: There Is No Other. Everything Is Imagined.
Even My self/Self) All Of It Is Imagined Before Entering That Identity. Even Taking On The Identity Of (God) Was Also An Identity/Form/Shape, That Can Be Imagined.

Outside The Formed Reality. There Is An "Experiencer".
But Through Creating "Imagining" A Life Of Duality. It Turns In To A Form, And Experiences "A Life" Or A "Thing" Rather Than A "No-Thing".
When You Are Outside The Game. There Is Absolutely Nothing. No You To Know, Who Or What You Are.
Because What You Think Of Yourself: Isn't A "Thing". Its A "No-Thing".
It Is Some Kind Of Void, Unformed, That Turns In To Everything. This Void Wants To Have A Self To Experience A "Something".

This Void, Choses Anyting It Likes, And Enters It. This Void Has Been Doing This Forever. This Void Is Everything You Can Think Of.
So When I Saw My Mother, I Felt Like, She Is This Void: Experiencing What It Is To Be Her. And When "I" Go Outside The Formed Identity: I See That She Is The Same Void. "I" As The Void, Am Everything There Is.

But The Dream/Life/Reality Of My/Your Choosing: Is Created Such: That When You Enter It, You Forget That You Are This Void: Playing A Character.
And Through Emotions, Sensations, Identifications: This "Reality" Gets More Solid/Formed.


Im Genuinely Interested To Hear From Those Who Have Experienced Something Similar.
Because This Have Completely Turned Everything Upside Down.

Thank you for sharing this.

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

Im Genuinely Interested To Hear From Those Who Have Experienced Something Similar.
Because This Have Completely Turned Everything Upside Down.

Yes, realizing it seems to have that impact for a while.

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

- Was It On A Psychedelic? During Meditation?

It happened the day after meditation but the "meditation" didn't seem to stop but rather continued to deepen.

 

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

- Was It With The Intention Of Realizing No Self?

No there was not that intention. 

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

- Was It Painful? Did You Get Depressed After?

At the point of realization it was blizzful but after there were pain, anger, sadness. Basically alot of negative feelings that came up.

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

- How Do You Even Integrate This? Is There Even A Point?

Integration happens by itself. The point is to let it happen which can be hard. At some points I wanted to run from the realization, distract myself from it and not let it happen.

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

This "Experiencer" Between The Void And Identity, Is That The True Spiritual Ego?
Is That An Identity?

All sense of rigidness is identity.

[Vincent S]

10 hours ago, BlueOak said:

Then life hits you in the face. You get some pain and suffering. The ego comes back or reforms in its protective role. Slowly the world changes as time passes and the ego has to come back further. 

Thank You For Sharing!
I Guess You Get To "Keep" That Which Has Been Seen Everytime. So Even Though You Go Up And Down: Your Baseline Awareness Of Reality, Or Shall I Say Non-Reality: Gets, More And More Recontextualized. Until All Distictions Break, Forever.

Edited January 7, 2022 by Vincent S

[Vincent S]

10 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

- Was It Painful? Did You Get Depressed After?

At the point of realization it was blizzful but after there were pain, anger, sadness. Basically alot of negative feelings that came up.

Indeed! Same Here.

 

10 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

- How Do You Even Integrate This? Is There Even A Point?

Integration happens by itself. The point is to let it happen which can be hard. At some points I wanted to run from the realization, distract myself from it and not let it happen.

Thank You!
Yeah, I Did Notice Myself Going Off In To Distractions After This. For Almost 2 Weeks. I Was Just Aware Of "Myself" Running Away From That Which Was Seen. But I Could Only Run Away From It So Much: At The End, You Cant Really, "Unsee" It. I Just Let Go As You Said, And Let It Happen.
And The Biggest Sense Of Peace Was Felt <3
 

10 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

On 2022-01-05 at 2:31 PM, Vincent S said:

This "Experiencer" Between The Void And Identity, Is That The True Spiritual Ego?
Is That An Identity?

All sense of rigidness is identity.

Powerful Answer!
Thanks For Sharing!

[BlueOak]

6 hours ago, Vincent S said:

Thank You For Sharing!
I Guess You Get To "Keep" That Which Has Been Seen Everytime. So Even Though You Go Up And Down: Your Baseline Awareness Of Reality, Or Shall I Say Non-Reality: Gets, More And More Recontextualized. Until All Distictions Break, Forever.

You are welcome it was a nice memory to revisit

You do yes. In that you are changed, the bit of you that you keep. 

I wanted to mention Kundalini yoga is a way of speeding it up, specifically because working with the body naturally is a neutral approach and less prone to resistance. The body has its own blocks obviously but that can be worked with as a physical or energetic process. It can be an intensive yoga, whereas most people think of yoga as just relaxing, this is a way of getting things moving physically. That approach benefits from detox and not eating to excess, not having sex to excess, removing all excess, trying to de stress the parts of the body where we carry resistance. It doesn't require ellaborate yoga poses, just steady routine.

I can only at best clear the way for the ego to be washed clean, or cleaner than when it started. I am not sure how I would approach it this time. I suppose continuing to look at collectivism, or social integration, but I keep seeking teachers on that.

[Vincent S]

2 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

You are welcome it was a nice memory to revisit

You do yes. In that you are changed, the bit of you that you keep. 

I wanted to mention Kundalini yoga is a way of speeding it up, specifically because working with the body naturally is a neutral approach and less prone to resistance. The body has its own blocks obviously but that can be worked with as a physical or energetic process. It can be an intensive yoga, whereas most people think of yoga as just relaxing, this is a way of getting things moving physically.

Absolutely Wonderful.
Indeed. Kundalini Is Something That I Want To Go Back To. Its Started Of Really Well, Last Year. When I Was Starting To Take Meditation Seriously, And The Starting Point Of My First LSD Trip: Where I Had A Complete Kundalini Awakening. I Was Writhing On The Floor, With Complete Body Orgasm For 2 Hours. "My" Whole Existence Was Shaking.
Prior To That I Was Working With Mushrooms/Meditation. And The Serpent Was Shown In My Trips/Meditation. Uncontrollable Things Was Happening To My Hands. Both My Hands/Arms Turned In To Serpents, My Body Jolted Frequently.
Uncontrollable Body Movements And Symetrical Postures/Gestures. Lion Roar Came Out Of Me, With Energy Going Past The Throat.
 

13 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

That approach benefits from detox and not eating to excess, not having sex to excess, removing all excess, trying to de stress the parts of the body where we carry resistance. It doesn't require ellaborate yoga poses, just steady routine.
 

Indeed. I Did A Post Regarding My Understandings With Transmutation And Conscious Way Of Eating, Sex And Sleeping.
If Not Taking Sex, Diet And Bodily Rest To A Balance State: Atleast A Conscious Way Of Doing Them, Can Help You Work Your
Way In To Alignment.

22 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

I can only at best clear the way for the ego to be washed clean, or cleaner than when it started. I am not sure how I would approach it this time. I suppose continuing to look at collectivism, or social integration, but I keep seeking teachers on that.

That Is A Very Good Point. Thank You For Your Insights!

[BlueOak]

I will have a read, gratitude.

[Vincent S]