“ HOW I DEMOLISHED MY LIFE” stage green vs stage blue relationships

[Raze]

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/12/divorce-parenting/621054/

https://archive.is/9BLfq

Recently the Atlantic released this essay about one woman’s marriage. Overall the response was that it is extremely well writren, but the reaction to the content was extremely mixed and is a classic example of stage blue -> orange backlash towards stage orange -> green reasoning.

the detractors insult the author and basically accuse her of selfishness for “ruining her marriage” at the expense of her family. This is stage blue reasoning that views the author as selfish and wrong for putting herself over the institution of marriage.

the supports complement her as they believe it was in her best interest to express herself and not be held down by something like her husband or marriage. This is stage orange-green reasoning that views the author as empowered for putting herself over the institution of marriage.

This is an example of how different spiral stages can read the same work and have completely different interpretations, and it’s nearly impossible for them to communicate with each other as their value systems are different.

what are your thoughts?

[vizual]

Ruining your marriage doesn't make you enlightened. It's hard to judge from the outside, I don't know how their marriage is like. It's possible that the woman kept on growing in her life, and her husband became stagnant. Thus they grew apart and could not connect with each other any longer. In that case it's understandable the woman feels frustrated. In that case; I do think, if someone get married, they have the moral obligation to make an honest effort to save the marriage. Especially if there are kids involved. It's still possible that the husband will 'see the light' maybe through marriage counseling and open communication between wife and husband.

But there are also cases where the man or woman just 'wants to live it up'. And let go of all responsibility, they just don't want to deal with it any longer. That has got nothing to do with being enlightened, in that case you are just a selfish asshole/bitch.

It really depends on the particular circumstances and individuals involved.

[Preety_India]

Stage Blue relationships are very rule oriented. There is little acceptance for anything else that is outside the box. Stage Green relationships focus on personal liberty and are more wholesome 

 

 

[sholomar]

My take... Women much more than men often have a desire to "sow their oats" ...that is to say they want to experience the world, have sex with fun bad boys, travel overseas, and get all that "fun" out of their system. For many when they get married too young they feel like they missed out on all that. With modern culture pushing this "experience everything" mentality the temptation will be so great for them not to be able to resist that craving...it's genetic.   Best to accept our genetic nature and not try to date a woman for marriage in a western culture if she is too young unless you are absolutely sure she won't develop a midlife crisis like this as she ages.

Men can be guilty of this as well but generally speaking men don't need as much social stimulation as women do. Men are content once they have their wife and kids to own a home, work their job, raise their kids, drink their beer, watch their football. Simple and boring, as it should be. I'm working on this myself as I continue to grow and improve... Attracting a mid 20's to early 30's woman who can be a stay at home mom and give me 2 or three kids, all within a year of each other in age so they can socialize and mature at a similar rate. . With all the psychological insights I've acquired I know they will turn out great...and if they don't I'll love them all the same.

Edited January 5, 2022 by sholomar