Is my life completely destroyed?

[dtlender]

Greetings self-actualizers,

I wanted to post this to lay out my current life situation in hopes of getting some advice/shared experiences. I'm currently 24 years old, and I live in a small town in rural Iowa. Ever since the age of 14/15 or so I've exhibited nothing but self-destructive behavior that's led my life down the wrong path. At the age of 16 I began taking stimulant medication (Adderall) to help me with concentration issues and schoolwork. I also began drinking and smoking marijuana at the age of 16. After graduating high school I moved out and attempted to attend school at a community college, but I never attended class and had to drop out. I also began smoking marijuana daily. I kept re-enrolling and dropping classes until the age of 20. It was also during this time that I hastily quit my first job, at a grocery store, which I had worked at for 5 years prior. Shortly thereafter I got charged for the possession of Xanax, and went to rehab for the first time and got put on depression and anxiety medication in addition to my ADHD medication. Since my first inpatient stay at a treatment center I've went two others, as well 3 outpatient treatment centers due to addiction and legal issues. In addition to my possession charge I've been charged with 3 DUI's, petty assault, public intoxication, and interference with official acts. This all happened between the ages of 20-24. Also during this time period I've assumed work at 2 different grocery stores as well as Mcdonald's that I ended up quitting without much due notice. Now I'm 24 years old, jobless, living with my parents and taking multiple medications to manage my depression/anxiety/ADHD issues. How am I supposed to get a decent job given my track record? Is it too late to get a fulfilling career in life? Will I have the time to build skills and self-actualize, while working at some dead end job? I got a sponsor and started going to AA 41 days ago, but am I truly sober if I'm taking these medications? I'm in such a low paradigm that I've lost all hope in envisioning a happy future for myself.

[Terell Kirby]

4 minutes ago, dtlender said:

Now I'm 24 years old, jobless, living with my parents and taking multiple medications to manage my depression/anxiety/ADHD issues. 

Sending my compassion and empathy towards your situation.

The first, and most important, step in recovery is simply having the desire to get on the right track. I think the forum can be useful to you for emotional support, on top of other channels (AA, church groups, counseling, etc). 

I'd spend the next 1-2 years really diving into Actualized.org content on YT (specifically on subjects like spirituality and psychedelics). It really pulled me out of a dark place .. assuming you watch it with intention and do the practices. The book list has some material on emotional mastery, and the life purpose course can help you find a path towards living a life in service to others .. that could do well in lifting some of your depression. Best of luck.

[universe]

There is no right or wrong path.

And you have a good timing to be on your purpose at age 24. You could even do it later.

There is plenty of time to build your skills and actualize while doing a job that pays the bills.

What are you afraid of?

[happyhappy]

28 minutes ago, dtlender said:

Greetings self-actualizers,

I wanted to post this to lay out my current life situation in hopes of getting some advice/shared experiences. I'm currently 24 years old, and I live in a small town in rural Iowa. Ever since the age of 14/15 or so I've exhibited nothing but self-destructive behavior that's led my life down the wrong path. At the age of 16 I began taking stimulant medication (Adderall) to help me with concentration issues and schoolwork. I also began drinking and smoking marijuana at the age of 16. After graduating high school I moved out and attempted to attend school at a community college, but I never attended class and had to drop out. I also began smoking marijuana daily. I kept re-enrolling and dropping classes until the age of 20. It was also during this time that I hastily quit my first job, at a grocery store, which I had worked at for 5 years prior. Shortly thereafter I got charged for the possession of Xanax, and went to rehab for the first time and got put on depression and anxiety medication in addition to my ADHD medication. Since my first inpatient stay at a treatment center I've went two others, as well 3 outpatient treatment centers due to addiction and legal issues. In addition to my possession charge I've been charged with 3 DUI's, petty assault, public intoxication, and interference with official acts. This all happened between the ages of 20-24. Also during this time period I've assumed work at 2 different grocery stores as well as Mcdonald's that I ended up quitting without much due notice. Now I'm 24 years old, jobless, living with my parents and taking multiple medications to manage my depression/anxiety/ADHD issues. How am I supposed to get a decent job given my track record? Is it too late to get a fulfilling career in life? Will I have the time to build skills and self-actualize, while working at some dead end job? I got a sponsor and started going to AA 41 days ago, but am I truly sober if I'm taking these medications? I'm in such a low paradigm that I've lost all hope in envisioning a happy future for myself.

of course not. Ur life is not destroyed and there is a ton of hope! Even Grant Cardone made billions after being a drug addict for yrs. see, everyone's path is different and unique to ourselves.

I too quitted high school when I was 18. only to go back a year later. at that time, I myself thought whether I might ever get to have the" good life". pursuing self improvement has dramatically changed my outlook on life.

and I think u have all the time in the world to self actualize.

much love bro! 

have a great day!

[caspex]

You're still young af. Life might be over if you came to your senses when you were 70 but you are only 24, you have all the time in the world to figure life out, that said, don't go about it too slowly. If you play your cards right then you can still self actualize and become financially independent. 

[dtlender]

@Terell Kirby Thanks man,

I've been following the channel for about 6 years or so. If I hadn't stumbled upon it when I had, I wouldn't have been open to the content he's releasing nowadays, and for that I'm grateful. I've taken LSD like 10 times or so and I'm not sure if it was the right time to do so, because seeing the limitations of pursuing material success left me incredibly unbalanced and impaired my ego and self-esteem. Now I'm left wondering whether I should put my spiritual pursuit on pause and focus on my basic survival needs, or completely go off the deep end, per se.

[dtlender]

@universe I'm afraid that my past is going to create a life that doesn't allow for the time to eventually pursue spirituality full-time. I feel like I've lost out on the opportunity for early success in life to where I won't have to worry about meeting my survival needs.

[dtlender]

@happyhappy Thanks man

I've heard of him. It's an incredible story. I hope I'll be able to overcome those obstacles when the odds were stacked against him like he did.

[dtlender]

@Swarnim Will the pursuit of spirituality get in the way of me pursuing success? I find that the more I grow spiritually, the more I have to spend re-evaluating the manner in which I'm living my life and working through past trauma.

[caspex]

5 minutes ago, dtlender said:

@Swarnim Will the pursuit of spirituality get in the way of me pursuing success? I find that the more I grow spiritually, the more I have to spend re-evaluating the manner in which I'm living my life and working through past trauma.

Depends, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on what's your latest realization about yourself and the world. I would say to grow enough that you are not a hindrance to your own self. Then going for the success as it seems of priority to you right now. 

I mean you can do them both at the same time. See it's all about what calls you. It's all a very intuitive process, at least for me. Sometimes you wanna ease up on the spirituality, sometimes in the practicality. Point is that you know what you want in both domains. 

[happyhappy]

57 minutes ago, dtlender said:

Now I'm left wondering whether I should put my spiritual pursuit on pause and focus on my basic survival needs, or completely go off the deep end, per se.

hey...I think U don't mind giving u some advice here. 

it is better ,much better if u could build the foundation mate. I pursued spirituality without doing the basics like financial independence to only have it worse than I started. this is why many spiritual teachers ask us to ground ourselves before rolling down the rabbit hole! and u don't have to pursue spirituality either. millions never get to even hear these teaching at this depth and yet they live there life huh.. there are no musts here. isn't that amazing?

and whatever we do , nothing matters in an absolute sense. so follow ur heart man. always. always. always.!

even If u fucked up, u won't regret them. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by happyhappy

[happyhappy]

@Swarnim and hey, nice YT channel u have browsky!  keep them coming. !

I see a lot of folks on this forum are having thier own YT channels ...,

 

 

[Raze]

10 hours ago, dtlender said:

Greetings self-actualizers,

I wanted to post this to lay out my current life situation in hopes of getting some advice/shared experiences. I'm currently 24 years old, and I live in a small town in rural Iowa. Ever since the age of 14/15 or so I've exhibited nothing but self-destructive behavior that's led my life down the wrong path. At the age of 16 I began taking stimulant medication (Adderall) to help me with concentration issues and schoolwork. I also began drinking and smoking marijuana at the age of 16. After graduating high school I moved out and attempted to attend school at a community college, but I never attended class and had to drop out. I also began smoking marijuana daily. I kept re-enrolling and dropping classes until the age of 20. It was also during this time that I hastily quit my first job, at a grocery store, which I had worked at for 5 years prior. Shortly thereafter I got charged for the possession of Xanax, and went to rehab for the first time and got put on depression and anxiety medication in addition to my ADHD medication. Since my first inpatient stay at a treatment center I've went two others, as well 3 outpatient treatment centers due to addiction and legal issues. In addition to my possession charge I've been charged with 3 DUI's, petty assault, public intoxication, and interference with official acts. This all happened between the ages of 20-24. Also during this time period I've assumed work at 2 different grocery stores as well as Mcdonald's that I ended up quitting without much due notice. Now I'm 24 years old, jobless, living with my parents and taking multiple medications to manage my depression/anxiety/ADHD issues. How am I supposed to get a decent job given my track record? Is it too late to get a fulfilling career in life? Will I have the time to build skills and self-actualize, while working at some dead end job? I got a sponsor and started going to AA 41 days ago, but am I truly sober if I'm taking these medications? I'm in such a low paradigm that I've lost all hope in envisioning a happy future for myself.

Try the ultramind solution 

try learning meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixxMyjejn38

get internal family systems therapy 

[Thought Art]

Instead of spirituality focus on self esteem, mental health, self awareness and developing healthy mental models and systems for living…

Start making a plan, building skills etc

some people really benefit from medication so don’t worry about that.

a good book would be The Code Of The Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakiani. 
 

your challenges will be unique to you but you can create something amazing over the next 10 years. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Thought Art

[vizual]

If all hope is lost in your experience, turn to your Lord and savior Jesus Christ and start learning about him. 

Non-duality is not going to save you. You are still young, you have your entire future in front of you, all is not lost.

[sholomar]

It's not too late, but you have to want to change your self destructive habits and this change will bring lots of discomfort. In a stressed out state impulse control is much harder... Our limbic brains will take us through a rollercoaster of cravings and emotions. You have to take the initiative...nobody is going to do it for you. Leo's video on addictions and his video on dealing with strong negative emotions are useful. You have to learn to sit with the craving or emotion mindfully, without letting it control you.

Find an apartment. Buy a nice wardrobe. Work on your people skills. Brush up on your ability to draft a resume. Give up the pot and alcohol. Clean up your diet. Start going pullups. MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT SLEEP SCHEDULE. If you do get a job, show up on time every day, no excuses for how you "feel" ...one thing about the nervous system is only exposure therapy and proper mindset will heal it. You don't want to get stuck in a rumination cycle, where you let how you feel dictate how you think in a vicious cycle. I noticed a number of people on this forum do that. They also like to project...they think that if such and such out there in the world was different, suddenly they would be happy. They use what they perceive as the state of the world as an excuse to pine in misery and not take responsibility for their lives. That's not how it works. It's their toxic internal mindset that poisons their well being, not anything going on out there in the world.

This article could come in handy.

https://www.woujo.com/blog/2020/12/29/woujos-guide-to-anxiety-and-depression

There are plenty of jobs in Iowa and South Dakota. I live in eastern South Dakota. I make over $30/hour working at 3M. You shouldn't have problems finding a job regardless of work history. There is a 3M plant in Knoxville IA...all 3Ms pay above average for factory work. Make sure it pays semi decently...don't take anything under $14ish dollars an hour. You could also consider a trade like electrician, or going into nursing. Travel nurses make big bucks. This job market right now is literally one of the best in a long time for people looking to switch careers. There are labor shortages everywhere. You are only 24...you are just a baby! Plenty of time! I myself am taking up guitar playing and studying musical theory as a healthy habit at an older age than you to replace mindless screen time. Cultivate healthy habits... Read the book atomic habits. Small improvements each day lead to exponential gains down the road.

Keep in mind the hardest part of a new habit is the first few weeks....the first few days, and backsliding...see Leo's video on backsliding. If you can persist despite your emotions and cravings screaming out in defiance, eventually those feelings will subside and a sense of overwhelming pride of accomplishment will take their place.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by sholomar

[Nahm]

Improv writing is an easy way to switch from focusing on what you don’t want to what you do want. 

The emotional scale is an easy way switch from suppressing to expressing. 

An expression journal is an easy way to express, or, empty out discord, see it in front of you, more clearly, and thus to understand, and to know with more clarity, what you do want. 

Focusing on what you don’t want, or what you want to avoid (same thing), is like vacuuming the floor without the vacuum being plugged in. One can do that, but it doesn’t create any change. Only with the vacuum plugged in does (‘the carpet’) your life change, because you are the creator of your reality by default. 

You life can be and indeed will be what you continue to focus upon. This is not ‘something to learn’, this has been the case all along. 

[Dryas]

Check Maslow hierarchy of needs 

[itachi uchiha]

@dtlender practice meditation asap.start with 5 min and do it daily .if 5 min is difficult then start with 2 min .and slowly increase it according to your ability .a must read book on habit is called tiny habits by bj fogg.it is very simple and practical.it has everything u need to build a meditation habit

 

Once upon a time in my life i hit rock bottom.i felt so emotionally crippl d and almost had a nervous breakdown.then i discovered self help and i practicied self help to the marrow of my bone .i practiced self help like my life depend on it.i was practicing it while i am in clasroom,bus,free time.fastforward 7 years now i am healthy individual and reached top 20% of the population.when i started this journey i was retarded,good for nothing .now i live a healthy life and is a productive member of society.so u can also live a healthy life if u practice selfhelp .but a warning .the first 4-5 years of self help is very tough and u will be making very little progress.but after 5 years your progress goes over the roof and u get exponential benifits for your effort.so my advice is practice self help and do it with patience .first 5 years will be hell but after that there is light at the end of the tunnel

[flume]

I'm very sorry to hear that you had to go through so many tough situations in your life. I'm not having advice per se, just respect for what you went through, and that you're here, now, sharing openly and intending to change. I'm sure that you'll look back at your life one day, being able to see how these times deepened your understanding of life; even if that perspective doesn't make things better now.

I'll say this: A simple meditation practice is the corner stone that changed my life so many years ago.

Also: If you wanna talk to someone, I have experience in trauma work and would be happy to help, give some perspective on how to move through it and how to move on. No charge. Just send me a DM.

All the best!