How do I stop being captain save a hoe

[Jenkins]

So for roughly a month I've been seeing a few girls.

I started to care about the ones I see relatively often. Not like I want to get into a relationship with you, however like I care about you as a human being.

Even if I don't look like, I'm quite developed in regards to psychology and such.

So I noticed things, and I have the will to talk with them about what they're doing wrong and how it is harmful to them / how they can fix that.

And in the moment it's good, however I don't want to transition the relationship from a sexual one to a healing / teacher bla bla one .

I don't want to ruin the dynamic

Any tips and tricks?

 

[Lyubov]

? love it

if it’s keeping you from sleeping with them then maybe this dynamic is getting in the way of communicating what you want out of the relationship with them.

I would say your level of consciousness and psychological well-being can be one of the best gifts you can give to a girl. I can relate a bit though cause sometimes it feels like I’m playing therapist with my gf. So I think it just requires a balance, trial and error with how for wnd setting boundaries and communicating what you want. You can be helpful and a strong container and radiate sexual energy. 

[Thought Art]

Shit, that’s complicated… 

I mean, as long as you don’t develop some kind of power dynamic or something… 

if it’s just sex it’s just sex I think. 

[Terell Kirby]

1 hour ago, Jenkins said:

So I noticed things, and I have the will to talk with them about what they're doing wrong and how it is harmful to them / how they can fix that.

Trying to fix others is usually a recipe for codependency in a relationship. You may want to investigate where this urge that you have comes from.

Loving someone authentically also means accepting their flaws. Accepting doesn’t mean tolerating though .. you can choose to stay or go, but never try to change people.

[NoSelfSelf]

Only is she asks you for an advice or you ask so you need an advice? But usually they dont want your pragmatic advice they want to resolve their emotions to feel better its great recipe to be he male girlfriend trying to fix them its a hell to be in ?

[somegirl]

For starters you can try referring them as ladies, rather than that other word.

Other thing is - if they did not ask you for any advice, you shouldn't feel pressured to give it to them, even though you have noticed things they can improve. Maybe if you really want to let them know, you can bring it up next time they mention a problem you have solution to. 

Just ask them "Can I tell you what I think is holding you back?" when they seem really desperate to find out what they are doing wrong. But only if they seem troubled do you do this. Otherwise don't bother.

Edited January 4, 2022 by somegirl

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaYK2utj97Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXPG-jPZ1cQ

[StarStruck]

Be grounded in yourself. Listen to your feelings about not wanting to be captain save a hoe. 

Also see the pattern. You are obviously trying to fix something in yourself by trying to fix a girl. That is the core problem. Delve into that. 

Girl should be adding something to your life. A lot think they add enough just by being pretty. 

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by StarStruck

[PurpleTree]

 

[Jacob Morres]

the advice trap by michael stainer

Edited January 4, 2022 by Jacob Morres

[Preety_India]

It shows me that you have the lack of ability to accept someone and that's usually a recipe for disaster. If the flaws of a person bother you too much, you probably shouldn't be with them,else they will need advice only if they ask. Trying to act like a coach in a relationship can be hurtful, it's a subtle form of domination and not many partners appreciate that. When in love, be a lover, not a teacher. 

 

[NatureB]

I wouldn't give advice to a girl I'm casually dating at this point. I also fall into the teacher/therapist role which I don't always enjoy.

Lately I've been allowing myself to not do that and instead to just have fun.

[flowboy]

On 03/01/2022 at 6:05 PM, Jenkins said:

So for roughly a month I've been seeing a few girls.

I started to care about the ones I see relatively often. Not like I want to get into a relationship with you, however like I care about you as a human being.

Even if I don't look like, I'm quite developed in regards to psychology and such.

So I noticed things, and I have the will to talk with them about what they're doing wrong and how it is harmful to them / how they can fix that.

And in the moment it's good, however I don't want to transition the relationship from a sexual one to a healing / teacher bla bla one .

I don't want to ruin the dynamic

Any tips and tricks?

 

@Jenkins Yes, here's a tip: be very careful

You can't fix another person.

You can only give them some feedback to make them aware of things they may not have been aware of before.

But even that requires their willingness and participation, and your detachment.

I sense that you are quite proud of your psychological development, so be extra careful to keep your awareness on their boundaries and what they are ready for and open to, rather than going too far because it just feels soo damn good to the ego (I know :))

If you want to still go ahead, watch this video I made exactly for this situation:

 

[hamedsf]

stop being captain saves a hoe!

there's no other way around it. it's actually not that complex and no need to ask it with how. why our mind want to complicate things? 

just don't care and you're no more capitan saves a hoe anymore! 

[BlueOak]

Every relationship ends up stale after you've helped her through something or have counselled her. So kudos for realising this now. Maybe you can take the edge off by volunteer counselling, be a shame to waste a skill you've developed, unless that skill has become an addiction which its hard to say no to in everyday life.

[mememe]

@Jenkins no tips and tricks - it’s cool. what you can do though, is shifting the mood if you realize you are in friend mood. you just need to keep it interesting and in balance, i doubt that helping women with self actualization is a barrier to whatever is going on between you. if you want to keep it going you will sooner or later get to the question if it’s transforming into a relationship, so it’s not about you caring or not, it’s just that a non relationship goes on for 3months at max, that’s it.

(with the exception of some encounters where you have long platonic phases inbetween because you just don’t see them frequently - no guarantee for these are staying on off, no contract)

its difficult to bring it to three months at all without caring. these women will have positive memories with you. don’t think too much about it, emotions are great.

(by the way, don’t you profit from them, too? don’t get cheap, please!)

Edited January 30, 2022 by mememe