Emotions part 1

[Preety_India]

A recap. 

 

[Preety_India]

After joining the forum I made so many significant changes to myself. I improved in so many ways 

I was a bit naive a few years ago. And I improved significantly. 

It's time to do a recap. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Before joining the forum I had some form of racial bias 

So these are the changes I have seen in me over the last few years. 

One - I have significantly overcome my racial biases I suffered for long. 

This was the year 2017 and I was a part of a white supremacist group. 

So I was brainwashed by a white dude. This guy had a YouTube channel. 

It's his channel that did all the brainwashing. 

I don't want to use his name for privacy reasons. 

My journey begins when I first discovered his channel. 

At first I was a bit intrigued by the stuff he used to say. 

I was a bit naive back then. 

I began to think that the white race was an endangered race. I mean that's what that white guy told me. I won't be telling his name for privacy reasons. I kinda believed him. 

His content was very emotional. 

He would play emotional music.. 

He would say a lot of emotional stuff. 

I began trusting him. 

I was a part of his White Supremacist group for a couple of months before I met Joseph. 

I met Joseph in 2017. 

 

I was pretty naive back then. 

 

I had experienced any form of racism at that point. 

 

In fact I didn't even believe in the term racism. I thought it was made up.. 

 

 

 

Until...... 

 

I experienced racism myself. 

 

 

 

 

 

I joined the forum in 2018. 

And this is the same time I was living with Joseph in America. 

I still hadn't experienced much racism. 

But then Joseph began to say a lot of racist things to me. He would make racist jokes about black people.. 

At first I used to think that he is simply saying it without meaning it, and I used to push it under the rug. 

This was 2018. I was still naive on the issue of racism. 

 

Edited January 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

. 

I was a 

 

Edited January 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

. To be continued 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

That year 2018 was my year of awakening. 

I was still holding racial biases pretty much throughout that whole year. 

And one day everything changed. 

That was my Perry Mason moment. 

On September 6, 2018, off-duty Dallas Police Department patrol officer Amber Guyger entered the Dallas, Texas, apartment of 26-year-old accountant Botham Jean and fatally shot him. Guyger said that she had entered the apartment believing it was her own and that she shot Jean believing he was a burglar. Local authorities did not arrest Guyger for three days and initially charged her with manslaughter rather than murder, leading to protests and accusations of racial bias, since Jean was black and unarmed and was killed in his home by a white off-duty officer who had apparently disregarded police protocols. However, two months later, her charge was upgraded to murder. On October 1, 2019, Guyger was found guilty of murder.The next day, she received a sentence of ten years in prison.

This incident was my Perry Mason moment. It changed me, my mind forever. 

 

I saw for the first time in my life what racial biases could lead to. It could cost a person's life. 

I felt guilty. I felt extreme guilt and remorse. 

I had never experienced such deep and intense sorrow as I had in those moments when I was watching the trial online on YouTube. 

I cried a lot. I cried for 6 days over that incident. The day I received the news, I thoroughly researched the whole case and I realized that I was so wrong about racism 

Racism cost so many lives and had caused so much damage, the Amber Guyger case had only highlighted the tragic reality of the black community at large. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

So Yea this whole thing began to unravel somewhere in late 2018 and early 2019..I was discussing the Amber Guyger case with Joseph and he wasn't paying much attention. He was very dismissive about it, happy that she got 10.years..he was more like — what else do you want? 

That hurt a little. Because I didn't expect that from him as a white man. I expected more empathy. 

I did not like the fact that Amber was sentenced to 10 years out of which a few years could be easily pardoned off on good behavior and other silly reasons 

I found this to be a miscarriage of justice. A man had lost his life and only 10 years? That looked like a joke. 

And the white and black race dynamics once again came to the forefront. 

I felt awful at the time. This was my wakeup call. It was time for my conscience to wake up and accept the reality of racism that I had denied for so long. I had been brainwashed to believe that racism was an invented term, an invented phenomenon. Not a real thing. 

And here I was seeing for the first time in real time  how racism impacted the lives of people. 

This hurt like hell. I cried a lot over many days. 

I felt like hell. All of my guilt was coming up. I saw through my own biases and prejudices. That was a moment of awakening. I could understand the gravity of racism for the first time. 

That day I gave up on all the things I was brainwashed with, I gave up all those biases and notions that toxic guy had taught me. I felt liberated and free. I felt a new sense of gratitude for knowing the truth and for abandoning closed minded beliefs. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Now that I'm out of it, it feels really good. 

This is one of the changes I went through. 

Going to be writing about other changes I went through 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This thread is relevant. 

 

[Preety_India]

The other changes that took place during the last few years. 

 

One was that I began to understand what narcissism meant. 

 

[Preety_India]

There are many narcissist archetypes that I have identified in life 

• Maternal narcissist 
• Boyfriend/girlfriend/husband narcissist
• Cult leader narcissist
• Doctor narcissist
• Boss narcissist
• Police/Politician narcissist 
• Master manipulator narcissist 
• Racist narcissist 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 2, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

When it comes to a narcissist, I can give the example of Tucker Carlson. 

 

 

For a master manipulator narcissist, I have a good example in mind. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

           

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Edited January 2, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Sometimes I tend to admire how other people write. 

For example this one —

Honestly there's way too much diversity within each person to slot them into paths according to their race. Yes they look different but that's about it in my opinion. It's more about the culture being that race attracts, is what shapes the person more. For example being black in america is gonna be a much more different experience and expose you to a much different culture than being white, asian or Indian. Not to mention you'll be born into a family that follows it's own culture.

I would recommend that whatever ideas you hold about each race, search the opposite of it on google and find lots and lots of examples that contradict your ideas about the world, and then find views that contradict even that. This way you'll be exposed to much much more diversity and variety and develop an even more nuanced worldview.

 

Edited January 2, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Well I don't need to waste my time responding to trollish nonsense of yours.. (self reflect). 

 

[Preety_India]

People who   write shit about others are the real trolls. 

 

Even trolls do better than you. 

 

Edited January 2, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

You have to remind yourself that people who troll you are massive cowards. They will never use your name. They will never have a direct confrontation. But guess what trolls and bullies are the biggest cowards of the world.. They will type nonsense sitting behind a computer. But they will never confront in real life. As that needs courage. And they don't have that. And those who don't have courage are worse than any animal on planet earth. These trolls are so scared of real life. Because they know in real life their game is over. People will see them for who they are. They will never amount to anything. Because they wouldn't have been trolls in the first place. 

 

[Preety_India]

I have no idea how much I have grown emotionally but I feel like I have had intense emotional growth in the past 3 months. 

 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

 

*Looks at you with pride and admiration 

you’ve grown a lot for sure hun bun 

I can’t measure it but I’m sure it was mindblowingly schnuggingly huge 

*hugs you tight.