Emotions part 1

[Preety_India]

Refer to do list. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm not feeling okay today. 

I woke up with  a stuffed nose.

I'm feeling nauseous. 

 

Edited January 5, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I haven't produced a lot of mucus in the last 24 hours. 

 

[Preety_India]

One nostril has cleared up. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

It's January 5 

 

I ate garlic curry yesterday with soy sauce and I absolutely do not like it's taste in my mouth. 

My mom passed on this infection to me. I'm really angry at her for not wearing the mask. 

I have been suffering from the last 10 days now and there is little improvement. 

I told her that I needed to eat berries to feel better. And she refused

 

I'm not even allowed to buy anything from my own money(for my own health) or else she gets furious. I'm fed up of her control. 

I also don't feel like participating in the forum after another suicide has rocked this place... 

I mean this post makes a lot of sense. What is happening in this place. I feel panicked. 

 

 

 

Edited January 5, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Just now, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

*Magically heals your infection with energy that I send through time and space, treating you lovingly and schnuggingly 

 

Love you .

[Preety_India]

I'm trying to feel better. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Update 1 January 7, 2022 

I feel better compared to 3 days ago. Yet the mucus production hasn't completely stopped. I still feel sick and weak. My nose still drips although the frequency is quite low, lower than before. 

This could be good news that I might soon recover for the second half of January. 

I am so desperate to get back to work. There is so much that needs to be done. 

So much that I want to and need to do.

 

 

Edited January 6, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Love these makeup videos. Got some nail polishes today. 

My red jewelry has arrived in mail. 

 

 

 

 

This girl talks like me, hehe, of course Indian accent 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I got 1 red and 3 grape, purple, lavender colors. (1 more monee) 

 

Also liked this music. 

 

Edited January 7, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I wanted to get a few colors from the Masaba Nykaa range but I'm so confused, I don't know which one to pick. They're all kinda similar. 

Btw, I simply love this video. 

 

 

Love these lipsticks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 7, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Update 1 January 8, 2022

I woke up feeling shitty. I had dreams.  I was crying in those dreams. Nobody could understand my pain and my wounds. I was thinking about the men who hurt me and betrayed me. 

It hurts how they mistreated me. It hurt deep. I felt like trash. I felt like a slave. I felt objectified. I felt like dirt. Like nobody cared about me. My Vulnerability was used against me. I felt terrible. 

 

[Preety_India]

I watched this video and bought a few lipsticks. I just want this new year with new makeup and on a new note. I want to feel good. I want to feel like I deserve things. I never invested in Self care. I have never been gentle with myself. 

I never felt like I deserved anything in life. I always felt unworthy and useless. 

I want to upgrade my self esteem.. 

I want to feel good again. 

I want to feel worthy again. 

Last year I was very depressed. This year I want to feel new and come alive. I want to restart my life. 

I want to get out of my trauma. 

 

 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I barely slept. I was constantly haunted by my past, all the past relationships, Mr SHT (my first boyfriend), my second boyfriend Mr Bud and my third boyfriend Joseph. 

These people damaged me psychologically through mental abuse, emotional abuse and gaslighting. 

People will never understand how deep emotional abuse can go and how it can impact. 

 

Any loveless relationship hurts deeply and changes the psyche. 

I used to always experience deep anxiety in these relationships. They used to say horrible things to me. 

I was fat shamed even when I'm not fat

 

I was ugly shamed even when I am not ugly.. 

I was constantly judged on my appearance. 

I was constantly judged negatively for every little fucking thing. 

These men are not men but straight from hell. 

I was traumatized to such an extent that I didn't want a man anymore in my life. 

They were cruel to me. They took advantage of my attachment and vulnerability. 

Since they could not attack me physically they started attacking me emotionally. 

I fucking hate them. 

God forbid if they came in front of me. 

I wish them nothing but eternal misery and hell for the damage they did to my brain. 

After suffering abuse, your brain becomes so sensitive. 

I can hardly operate properly. 

I was hospitalized on multiple occasions because of the abuse. I will never forget. 

I hope they get their karma for manipulation and abuse. It's a sick thing to do.. 

If you have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you will never be able to comprehend what I'm writing.. 

[Preety_India]

It's time to move on. It's time to heal. It's time to feel gentle again. 

I had several mental breakdowns last year. 

I couldn't take it. 

It was so difficult. 

Thank God I have Marcel. He is slowly healing me. 

 

[Preety_India]

I think 2022 is a year of healing for me. 

I want to celebrate this healing with a bunch of lipsticks. 

This year is special for me. 

Because I'm finally out of the trap of emotionally abusive relationships at last 

 

AT LAST 

AT LAST

AT LAST 

AT LAST 

I WILL NEVER BE IN SUCH RELATIONSHIPS AGAIN. THEY DAMAGED ME DEEPLY BUT I LEARNED MY LESSON. 

I'm finally moving on with a healthy relationship. 

I will leave the past behind. It might take time but it will happen.