If looks for guys are not that important why pretty girls tend to date attractive guy

[Karmadhi]

I had this simple question

At least around me i usually see that when a girl is pretty or hot, the guys she dates are usually above average looking. If guys personality is so important would not it make more sense for them to date the most assertive, confident and funny guys instead of the best looking guys? 

[Preety_India]

Looks are important just like looks are important to men. 

This applies to every gender. 

I don't understand why this is so difficult. 

Don't rely on theories or what people say. 

Test it in real life. That's where all of your insight should come from? Don't you think? 

It's quite rational that looks are important because society has conditioned the human brain to count for looks. 

Why else do we have beauty contests? By the way beauty contests exist even for men. 

Now I'm not saying that people don't look past looks. They do. And you have to find someone that aligns with you if beauty is not a concern for you. 

Not only does beauty or looks count, you might even want to consider the fact that this whole beauty thing is very much influenced by beauty standards in our society. These beauty standards are influenced by many factors that are downright racist or based on racial bias. Because colonialism had a lot to do with it. 

For example in my country fairer or paler skin is considered beautiful and darker skin is considered ugly. It's so ingrained in our culture thanks to British Colonialism of India. 

Throughout the world, European features are considered the most beautiful and light skin color is preferred because guess what, White Supremacy still hasn't lost hold. But that's about beauty standards. 

But anyway coming to the subject of looks, looks in every tribe and culture is considered a precious commodity. Whether it's men or women, anyone who looks cuter or attractive to look at enjoys a premium pass in dating. 

But you don't have to worry. 

There are a billion people who don't care about looks and they are very loving and wonderful. You can always find them if you truly do not care about looks yourself  

 

If you do care about a girl's looks yourself, then that's an absurd hypocrisy to think that girls shouldn't care about your looks. 

If someone told you that looks are immaterial for either gender, it's not a very practical insight/suggestion. They're probably lying out of insecurity or they only had relationships out of attraction based on traits than looks. That could be it. But I highly doubt that. We all face looks related insecurity 

However this is no golden rule and shouldn't be assumed as some standard yardstick in dating. I mean we have billions of people who don't look good and they still marry and have kids. How does that happen? So I don't think that this is such a sturdy rule.. 

Some people are happy to not care too much about looks. Their own looks or that of others. Maybe try to mingle in that crowd. 

You can't change someone's mindset or what they are attracted to. You only have to find what matches you best. 

Also don't have unrealistic expectations. 

For example if you don't have the looks or charisma and yet you expect the hottest girl in the world to look at you, that seems unrealistic to me and frankly that makes people lose chances in dating because they set such sky high standards yet they themselves offer little. That somehow never works and works only if you got really great game. But rarely do people achieve that. 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If you do care about a girl's looks yourself, then that's an absurd hypocrisy to think that girls shouldn't care about your looks. 

Well they judge me super harshly on 10000 other things so yes it is unfair to be judged on looks also. I give 0 shits about a girls confidence, charisma or how "needy" she is. However girls judge you super harshly on those things. If i was not judged on those things i would not mind being judged only on looks.

[Leo Gura]

Actually you can see hot girls with average looking guys fairly commonly. Which shows you that looks aren't as important as you think.

When you see short guys, fat guys, bald guys, skinny guys, asian guys, black guys, etc pulling a lot, you will realize it's not the looks so much.

Get some wings who aren't so great looking but pull consistently. This will blow your limiting beliefs apart.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India

Well they judge me super harshly on 10000 other things so yes it is unfair to be judged on looks also. I give 0 shits about a girls confidence, charisma or how "needy" she is. However girls judge you super harshly on those things. If i was not judged on those things i would not mind being judged only on looks.

I don't think a girl wants a 10 out of 10 guy to be fair and honest. 

I think even average looks go a long way for men. 

You must be dealing with some really delusional petty demanding hot girls who have such sky high expectations out of men. 

In my social circle of female friends, all girls are average looking, but they still look cute, they have boyfriends that I won't consider 10/10(although I don't like to use a numerical scale for human beings yet this forum has taught me that and I have to use the lingo generally used here to explain my points), so yeah, these guys aren't hot or 10/10. They're somewhere 5 or 6 at the most. 

You're certainly dealing with people with abnormal expectations. 

I never expected a guy to look super hot. I just wanted a gentle guy. So I don't relate to this sort of experience you're talking about. 

I don't think most women are so hell bent on a guy's looks, doesn't mean that they would date an extremely unattractive /boring guy. Yet they won't test you harshly on looks. 

So if you come across a girl who is very demanding, then you are simply dealing with the wrong kind of person.. Drop that person and find someone who is realistic and grounded. 

There are many guys who have unrealistic beauty standards for women they wish to date. I would never approach them because they don't align with my mentality so whats the point? 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura I am not talking about wings i am talking about normal life. Experienced wingmen are outliers, anomalies, trained warriors, they are not the norm. If you talk to 2000 girls of course you will manage to get some of them. I am talking about your university, your circle of friends, your workplace or your mall. Everyday places basically. Plus you know you can be short, asian, black etc and still be super good looking. Zac Efron is like 5 7 or something (just saying). 

What i get from what you are saying is that most not good looking guys are clueless about game so girls are forced to go for the more attractive guys, except the few outliers that do have good game and break this situation.

@Preety_India Juding from your picture you are not from my generation. Girls expectations from my generation have gone crazy, online dating and instagram culture has played a big role in that. Not just in looks but also in lifestyle. Plus you are in this forum, i cannot take you as the "normal" girl. Not just you, but any girl here. You are too actualized and consciouss to be taken as the norm.  

Edited January 1, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi I'm in my mid twenties. You're probably younger than me and dating girls in a really younger bracket like 18 I suppose. I know that girls at the age are very demanding from what I have seen especially if they are on Instagram or social media oriented. 

But lots of girls who aren't too much into social media culture. They look good too but they might be a bit shy and not too much like the Instagram girls you talk about. 

If you're like 22, then I get why you're dating or wanting those girls. 

But if you are 25/26 you can easily find girls who tend to think like me. I mean more emotionally matured, who had previous relationship experiences and who think more intuitively. 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

But lots of girls who aren't too much into social media culture

Those are bit harder to find because they are less social and do not frequent social places much. Only way to meet them is through friend of friend (really luck oriented) or daygame them (could work i guess).

Most girls i went on dates with were quite social girls but all of them used online dating at some point and had relatively highish standards (they went out with me because they found me nice looking and cool/interesting aka good first impression). I had to work quite a bit on myself to be able to get the dates in the first place. Which shows how demanding girls can be. I consider myself around a 6/10 looks wise and i feel like i am a LOT more tolerant than a 6/10 looking girl regarding standards and shit. Which is why i say what i say. I would be quite happy with a 6/10 looking girl though if we vibed and shit, i am not that picky looks wise. Especially for non serious shit.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India

Those are bit harder to find because they are less social and do not frequent social places much. Only way to meet them is through friend of friend (really luck oriented) or daygame them (could work i guess).

Most girls i went on dates with were quite social girls but all of them used online dating at some point and had relatively highish standards (they went out with me because they found me nice looking and cool/interesting aka good first impression). I had to work quite a bit on myself to be able to get the dates in the first place. Which shows how demanding girls can be. I consider myself around a 6/10 looks wise and i feel like i am a LOT more tolerant than a 6/10 looking girl regarding standards and shit. Which is why i say what i say. I would be quite happy with a 6/10 looking girl though if we vibed and shit, i am not that picky looks wise. Especially for non serious shit.

These Instagram girls (or the whole lot of them that are like them whether they are on Instagram or not) are never going to be the kind of girls who you would have a short or long term relationship with since they aren't too keen on relationships. They just want to hang out a bit or simply want the attention of several men. They will hang out with you but for a short while. 

Maybe you can expand your friend's circle where you end up dating your friend's younger sister who isn't that social. 

Online dating sites are very cruel especially for a 6/10 guy. They're cruel for 6/10 girls as well. 

No wonder you're meeting people with extraordinary expectations, online dating sites are meant for people with unusual standards. Even then they don't find partners. 

Cast a wider net. I constantly get this feeling that you're looking in wrong places. 

Whether you want casual sex or LTR, you got to look for in places where you can find someone on your orbit, I mean someone who thinks like you. 

You will simply waste time looking for girls who don't align with you. 

Yes I do agree that finding girls who are emotionally matured in the age range of 18 is quite impossible since they don't have experience and they tend to think in superficial ways. 

Yet there are a few girls who aren't like that. They're harder to find. But in order to find them, you'll need a different strategy altogether. 

You'll have to find them in your close friend's circles 

Expand your friends circle and you'll find one. Not on a dating app or Instagram or social media.. Maybe in a cafe or a store, grocery shopping or at a college campus or a yoga class. 

There are many many places where you find 6/10 average girls who hang out in places that aren't well known. You find them if you get a larger friend circle. You have to meet them in their homes. 

I never found a guy (none of my exes) at a club or bar or online dating app or Instagram. I found them in my classes, in Parks, grocery shopping or through a mutual friend. I am not on social media nor am I the social media type. 

In fact I'm too shy and reserved. If a girl like me can find a guy, I'm pretty sure nerdy guys who are similar to me can find girls as well. 

Now I'm not hot, but I managed to get pretty decent guys because I didn't have very high standards. Plus I wasn't ever looking on social media. I met guys in ordinary everyday situations of life. 

 

 

You need to switch your strategy if you want different results. 

To be fair if you went around asking people where they met their ex partner or current partner, the most common reply would be everyday situations of life. They didn't even hunt for anyone. They simply clicked and started a relationship, that simple. 

It's not that hard at all. 

 

[happyhappy]

@Karmadhi inherited evolutionary relics plays women's psyche to choose healthier stronger men who will take care of her.

women as emotional beings, might settle for the lack of looks to compensate for the emotional buttons we push. if somebody has both, that's her perfect match!

[Ulax]

@Karmadhi looks matter a lot.

I dunno how PUA marketers managed to swing it otherwise

[Jacob Morres]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I just wanted a gentle guy

What happened? Didn't you used to insult guys like that

[Preety_India]

15 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

What happened? Didn't you used to insult guys like that

You misunderstood me by a huge margin. I can't blame you because it's the internet. Only if you had known me in real life. I used to write some stupid shit before out of naivete. 

I have grown tremendously over the past 4 months though. 

 

2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India

 Accidental quoting 

 

Edited January 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F-G43oOUU8

 

[Dryas]

Because the looks give them the confidence needed to attract and game?

 

[Pavement]

Because people usually pair up with people on their same level of attractiveness. people resonate with others who have similar features or are on par with them looks wise.  That’s why most of the time you see couples dating who are their equal in terms of looks. 

[Bando]

You can date attractive girls as an average guy I've seen many times in my experiences and most people know someone who is dating someone "above their league" so it is possible.

For long term relationships though you going to be with someone that is around your level of attractiveness mabey 1-2 points higher if you lead an interesting lifestyle

[Pavement]

If both parties don’t end up in a long term relationship with someone who is their ‘equal’ then it turns into a reacher/settler dynamic.  

The reacher-settler theory specifies that one person in a relationship is reacher, someone who reaches to get a partner outside his/her league; while another is settler, who settles for a partner below his/her league.  I got this from how I met your mother lol but it’s generally true.  

[Karmadhi]

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe you can expand your friend's circle where you end up dating your friend's younger sister who isn't that social. 

I have done that.

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Online dating sites are very cruel especially for a 6/10 guy. They're cruel for 6/10 girls as well. 

I met once a 4/10 girl from Tinder and she had more matches and likes than me 9/10 friend who did modeling. Online dating for girls gives them crazy volume.

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

No wonder you're meeting people with extraordinary expectations, online dating sites are meant for people with unusual standards.

I have met only 1 person from there. The point is everyone uses them which gives them unrealistic expectations. That girl you meet on your class also uses or has used online dating. 

 

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe in a cafe or a store, grocery shopping or at a college campus or a yoga class. 

Which is why i intend to start daygame, gives you better girls than club regularls.

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

In fact I'm too shy and reserved. If a girl like me can find a guy, I'm pretty sure nerdy guys who are similar to me can find girls as well.

Considering you do  not have to approach nor lead being shy as a girl is not really that big of an issue.

 

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

To be fair if you went around asking people where they met their ex partner or current partner, the most common reply would be everyday situations of life. They didn't even hunt for anyone. They simply clicked and started a relationship, that simple. 

Yes well 22 years of doing what you said gave me shit. I only started seeing some results when i actively went for it instead of "letting it go naturally". What happened naturally is that i would meet a girl, had 0 clue what to do and got friendzoned. That was "natural" for me. Learning to flirt, be playful, make jokes and lead is the opposite of natural and it took crazy effort from me. Now it takes way less due to practice but unless i conscioussly tried to improve and change it i would probably never been on any dates yet.

I have said it many times and will repeat it here. Being social and good with making friends and being good with girls are 2 totally different things. You can be social guy that has a lot of cool friends (guys and girls) and still suck with girls. Because you do not need to learn how to be playful,flirt,lead or be assertive to make friends. You do need it to get girls though. For someone like me these things had to be developed and it was really hard.

I am quite happy with my progress the last few months though. Lets stay positive for the future  

[Jacob Morres]

9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You misunderstood me by a huge margin. I can't blame you because it's the internet. Only if you had known me in real life. I used to write some stupid shit before out of naivete. 

 

you were pretty clear haha. but its all good happy youve grown ?