Did I Just Hit A Root?

[DimmedBulb]

I think I might have just realized what a root cause of my envy, my anxious attachment style, my competitiveness and all sorts of other neurotic behaviors is.

I noticed a sense of envy when my little brother got praise from my mom for his creative effort he made the other day. It's a feeling I'm familiar with and it happens on many occasions, but this time I didn't cast it aside. Because I noticed this, I asked my mom if I had ever been jealous of my younger sibling when I was little. As it turns out, I used to be extremely attached to my mom, falling asleep with her close-by every night, all that stuff. That was until my brother was expected. That's when she had basically made a decision to tell me: tough luck, I need to split my attention and this is happening, whether you like it or not. Three year old me apparently wanted him gone, to the point where I'd threaten to throw him off a roof multiple times. All of the sudden my needs weren't met anymore, for a reason I had no control over.

This I now know cognitively, but I don't remember it in any way, so I have to find a way to tap into this emotionally and solve it.

Edited January 5, 2017 by DimmedBulb

[Robert66]

Why does it need to be solved?  You are aware of it, accept it and know you are not a three year old reacting as a three year old

[Shin]

A shrink is probably necessary, this is some heavy stuff.

Don't be cheap about this.

[DimmedBulb]

@Shin I'm reading Teal Swan's book on emotional trauma to see if I can overcome it like that. That being said, I'm already seeing someone for mental issues.

@Robert66 Acceptance is what it comes down in relation to emotional healing. Being a superconductor and all that. But there's also stuff like memory alteration that can serve me well.

[Robert66]

Memories are two fold, emotional memories, which are not remembered but felt or related to in similar situations and come from the amygdala, visual or event memories, which come from the hippocampus, which does not store actual verbatim memories but snippets which may or not be true.  In essence, your memories have already been altered by time and experience.  Acceptance is realizing there is nothing about the past you can change...nothing.  Accept that there is nothing to solve.  You are now responsible for meeting all of your needs.  There is nothing in the past that will help you accomplish that. 

[Arman]

Very cool. These kind of discoveries are really fun and insightful to be had because it explains a lot your experience. Thank you for sharing. 

On 1/4/2017 at 11:31 PM, DimmedBulb said:

so I have to find a way to tap into this emotionally and solve it.

Often, observation and acknowledgement of these things is enough to resolve them. These emotional charges were mechanisms you thought necessary for your survival and mothers love (which to a child may be one in the same), so they were consciously or unconsciously maintained because you thought it was in your best interest. Any behavior we carry, on some level, we think it is helping us. So by being aware of the emotions and the dynamics it creates in your life, and letting the feelings be there as they arise, it will automatically unwind because it shows itself to be unnecessary programming.

It seems simple, but it has deep impacts on experience because not only will that belief system dissolve, but so will all the other belief systems that were subtly founded upon that one, so there's a cascading effect. 

Edited January 8, 2017 by Arman