Meditation, Semen Retention, and Psychosis

[TaoNood]

Hello everyone. My name is Zack and I am new to this forum. 

I'd like to share my experiences with psychosis and see if anyone can relate or offer guidance. When I was 21 I had my first psychosis. I think it was caused by stress. I was a terrible insomniac back then. Struggled with working as an electrician because I always felt so tired and fatigued! I didn't seem to get much nutrition from the food I ate which was the most nutrient dense 'super-foods'. That psychosis lasted around 6 months where I was drugged against my will into a state where I slept all day and night. Didn't feel very human after this experience. 

At this point I was at my wits end with health and my body. I had tried nearly everything concerning dietetics and psychological mind-over-matter garbage. The last thing I turned to was raw animal foods. Meat, milk and eggs, all eaten raw. Understandably I get this is controversial, but I don't want to dwell upon it. I've done it for almost 8 years and I feel very good doing it. 

What I am struggling with is retaining sexual energy, and the effects it has on my body. Around 2019 I came across the idea of 'Jing' from Taoist practices. I started to practice semen retention, tantric sex, and pelvic floor exercises mixed with deep breathing to move sexual energy up the spine. The effects were great. I did go through some rough patches where these practices brought me symptoms of fatigue and nausea. But after that passed some amazing things started to happen. Trees started to look holographic. I started to see waves emanating off peoples bodies. I thought they were auras, still not sure. Near the tail end of this experience. I was in euphoria and often felt like I was on mushrooms.

Sadly this all came to an end. The euphoria turned to delusions and paranoia. In Fall of 2020, I had my second psychosis. I am still in disbelief this happened. I was so stable, for literally years, with no need for medication. Sadly I was drugged against my will again, but fortunately, I came out of my psychosis very quick this time, so I wasn't as injured by the drugs. Still took me about a year to get back to my regular self.

I am back to enjoying life again. Things are good. I sleep good. I eat good. My amazing girlfriend actually stuck with me through all this. But I am back to desiring more out of this human experience. This is leading me back to breathwork and retaining my sexual energy. 

My experience this time is that after about a month of retaining sexual energy I identified I was getting a bit overenergetic. Where I can feel my heart beating loudly and cannot sleep. Having mild grandiose thoughts, mild paranoia. So thankfully, I can identify this state now which is potentially leading to psychosis, and what I did was to simply release my sexual energy a few times. Next day, back to normal, although mildy fatigued and depressed in comparison.

So here is my dilemma. I want to get to a point where I can retain all my sexual energy, and do lots of breathwork, and attain these higher states. But when I do it for too long I enter mania, if I keep going I would risk psychosis. I don't know why I am hitting this 'mental illness wall'. Perhaps my brain is not ready for this much Jing to be sent up. Maybe the breathwork I am doing is bad? Or maybe I am doing too much pelvic floor lifting exercises. Sometimes I would do it all day. Or maybe ---- The scariest of all for me ---- maybe these symptoms of madness are necessary to get to the next stage for my particular body. 

Anyways thanks for the read, if you'd like to share your experiences with this I would love to hear it.



 

[Carl-Richard]

People often cherish the positive effects of nofap while ignoring the potential side effects like sleep problems, chronic stress, restlessness, bodily tightness, aggression, emotional numbness etc. Your body is intelligent and will tell you what it needs to maintain optimal functioning. The body follows natural cycles, and messing with these cycles (like the reproductive cycles) can impact other cycles like sleep. It's not just females that have a reproductive cycle. Male sexual behavior is also cyclical in its own way, which is driven by physiological mechanisms. Transcending these cycles cannot be done forcefully, only through growth. High consciousness people who are celibate don't have to work to maintain celibacy. It happens naturally. Don't got against your nature.

[RMQualtrough]

You need to be under the professional supervision of a doctor. I know the meds you mean, you're talking of like, quetiapine? It's often prescribed as a sleeping pill in Norway believe it or not. I've taken it for sleep.

If you took only 25mg, I think you would be able to stay awake. 100mg is just a sucker-punch to the head into coma tier sleep.

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, TaoNood said:

Maybe the breathwork I am doing is bad?

 This could be true. Improper breath work and mental madness are an often phenomena.

Overall, those are some strange symptoms you're having. Perhaps you're sending too much energy up your head without beinging it down to the dantien. Taoist always say that too much energy in your head can make you go crazy.

What is the breathing excercise you're doing if you don't mind sharing?

Edited December 31, 2021 by Salvijus

[Tim R]

@TaoNood Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing that vulnerable story with us?? what an entrance into the forum

 

2 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Male sexual behavior is also cyclical in its own way, which is driven by physiological mechanisms

@Carl-Richard Could you elaborate a bit on that? 

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Tim R said:

Could you elaborate a bit on that? 

For example, you're generally not horny anymore after ejaculation. It takes time to build up to the same level of sexual appetite, which is a hormonal process (among other things). It's more adaptable than say a menstrual cycle, but it's a cycle nonetheless: horniness -> ejaculation -> decrease in horniness -> celibacy -> increase in horniness etc.

The overarching point is that everything that is physical is cyclical, and that there are many different cyclical systems, and that many of the cycles especially in the body influence each other. Repressing one system might create an inbalance in other systems and the system as a whole.

[TaoNood]

@Salvijus It's mostly Wim-Hof style breathing (Tibeten Tummo I think it's based on). Quick deep breaths for 30 secs-120 secs then a breath retention at top or bottom of lungs. Sometimes I do it with pelvic floor lifted.

I also do one thats mainly an exhale at bottom of lungs. 

And also a slower more controlled deep breath in, hold at top couple secs, deep exhale, hold at bottom couple secs.

But I often revert back to the Wim Hof style because the effects of it can be like a drug.

[TaoNood]

@RMQualtrough No I am talking very strong anti-psychotics. Thankfully I don't need them in everyday life due to my careful living (I would like to think that is, anyways). I don't have much respect for psychiatry to be honest.