Fucked it with this bird??

[B222]

Little interactions with a girl online. At first I was too aggressive, then I was too passive. Both backfired. Second time I didn’t wanna come off needy again so thought I’d be a big man and do nothing?

Would be good to hear some thoughts about timing, neediness and whatever else I might be missing. Cheers

 

[SonataAllegro]

Be consistent and don't put on a show

[museumoftrees]

Part of the counter-intuitive nature of dating is that when you modify your behaviour things usually don't land. If you modify your behaviour to be nice it won't work the same as when you modify it to be act tougher.

Adopt an attitude of being authentic and not implementing behaviour changes.

Edited January 1, 2022 by museumoftrees

[hyruga]

Where is the bird?

[Ulax]

@museumoftrees Yep. This one is gold.

Edit: Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Edited December 31, 2021 by Ulax
See 'edit'

[B222]

@museumoftrees

So what feels right, not try be clever? I try to be authentic but obv not always in alignment with my higher self. A lot of ego/unconsciousness still going on. Sometimes just unsure. I was judging this from a scenario that went wrong and felt maybe it was too quick/aggressive again if I just dived in. Think she’s a bit loco. 

What you do when you’re unsure? Seek guidance seems obv (facepalm) 

 

@hyruga fuck is this question? 

[something_else]

I know how you feel. I've felt like this a lot talking to girls through online dating etc.

When you talk to girls online there are a million reasons why things break down. Often you just get left on read or the girl starts giving vague and dead responses. It could be for a million reasons, some of them your fault, some of them out of your control. You'll probably never know which

Maybe you were too aggressive or maybe she met someone else online who she was more interested in. Maybe she was doing something IRL that left her distracted. Maybe she just feels like crap today. Could be anything

The solution is likely just to move onto the next girl

[Bando]

@B222  Volume and try to meet the girl in person asap after you get the number you guys should meet in 2-3 days. Theres nothing wrong with being aggressive especially when its online just don't be a creep.

If shes giving excuses why she can't meet or things don't seem "on" stop wasting your time trying to game her have the mentality of screening girls out quick, when it comes to online game your talking to pixels on a screen everything is imaginary until you meet in person.

[Thought Art]

Move on… part of this is a number game.

combine direct experience, theory and self reflection. 
 

expect hurt and rejection and just keeping going…

it is t really ever personal. Keep gaining experience 

meet in person. 

[B222]

Thanks for the responses. Taking on board. 

[NoSelfSelf]

Im not good at this but can tell you what i think  you are doing wrong...you are putting on a show for a girl and not being real but fake you dont try being not needy try being agressive for her you do what makes you feel good and let it rub on her...

[B222]

Maybe to some extent but I always be me. I’m very open about my flaws to anyone who knows me personally but that’s backfired with people I thought I could trust, so I’m closed off to opening up in a more public space. I’m more private in general and prefer it that way but anyone who knows me knows I’m honest about where I’m at and I like to express my true personality.

Bit off track but get the feel a lot of people here think I’m fake, people who know me, know I’m open and expressive. Lot to learn and experience ofc…

I tried being aggressive, apparently too aggressive so was unsure the next time. Still got shit to learn obv. Every experience is a lesson for the next one. Just gotta start racking up the experiences. Not been ready, dealing with some intense shit, isolated through choice but lately I am ready again. Let’s go. 

[flowboy]

13 minutes ago, B222 said:

I tried being aggressive, apparently too aggressive so was unsure the next time.

Still, this is modifying the behavior in order to get results.

That's a needy attitude.

If you are being exactly the amount of aggressive that you want to be, then you did nothing wrong.

If she passes on that, then it's just not a good match.

That's authenticity.

Can't be authentic and not willing to wreck it.

Edited December 31, 2021 by flowboy

[B222]

@flowboy makes sense, noted. Thanks. Got lost in my head.

[B222]

@museumoftrees @flowboy

That little insight just made me realise how often the ego likes to manipulate things. Still, it feels like I’m going after the right choice, and can only learn from past experiences or mentors, right? So instead of overthinking all these angles trying to get the best outcome, no matter what’s happened, it’s always best to go off my own intuition for what feels right in that unique moment? Suppose past experiences will always influence the present decision tho? Isn’t modifying behaviour a natural part of the learning process? 

[flowboy]

@B222  Yes, but you can let it happen without consciously trying to. Being present with trial and error is enough to sharpen your intuition and gut sense. You can learn really fast without ever thinking about it. Just by being present with a relaxed mind, and acting intuitively. This way it's always authentic.

Of course, that requires that you forgive yourself really quickly for apparent 'mistakes'. The sooner you forgive and accept, the sooner you are back to the present moment.

[hyruga]

10 hours ago, B222 said:

 

@hyruga fuck is this question? 

Your title mentioned a bird. Where is the bird?

[B222]

@flowboy ah yea I get it. Just had mini ego death. Cheers. 
 

@hyruga not on me anyway, fucked it 

[museumoftrees]

13 hours ago, B222 said:

@museumoftrees

So what feels right, not try be clever? I try to be authentic but obv not always in alignment with my higher self. A lot of ego/unconsciousness still going on. Sometimes just unsure. I was judging this from a scenario that went wrong and felt maybe it was too quick/aggressive again if I just dived in. Think she’s a bit loco. 

What you do when you’re unsure? Seek guidance seems obv (facepalm) 

Not trying to be clever sounds about right, lol. You can be clever and smooth all you want. The key words here are ''being'' vs ''trying''.  The problem is the effect it produces on your psychology when you try something and see no outcome. It makes you sadder. It puts you in a loop of endless self-questioning which in the end will make you needier.

Girls will flake or ghost regardless in the overwhelming majority of cases so it doesn't matter much how you text them. I'd say keep your convos short and normal but ultimately keep your convos how you want them to be not how you think the girls want you to text them.

[B222]

Yea I get it. Learnt a lot today. EGOOO? cheers mate