How to be Fun at Parties

[Emrie]

I've found that so far I haven't really ever been that fun at parties. People generally don't really wanna talk to me all that much, don't really wanna dance with me and just I feel like I'm never providing a lot of value to the party, rather leeching from it.

This is a vicious cycle because then I tend to not have fun myself which make other people like me even less and it goes on from there.

What are some things that you've found helpful in this case? Should I just focus on building state and always relaxing myself and focusing on having fun and everything will go from there?

(It's worth pointing out I haven't been to a party since before Covid and I've grown myself as a person a decent bit during this time)

[Leo Gura]

That's what alcohol was invented for.

Absent that, you build state by talking to lots of people and practicing self-amusement.

[Terell Kirby]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

That's what alcohol was invented for.

Have you done game drunk? I agree wholeheartedly that sober game is better for calibration and development, but was curious on this point.

[Leo Gura]

35 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

Have you done game drunk? I agree wholeheartedly that sober game is better for calibration and development, but was curious on this point.

No, but I've done game on DMT.

Alcohol just loosens you up and breaks you free of logical mind. Which is the same thing that building state does.

[Terell Kirby]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

No, but I've done game on DMT.

Gosh .. DMT must be 1000x better than alcohol if you are able to do game on it .

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

DMT must be 1000x better than alcohol

Of course

You just gotta get the dose right. Threshold dose.

I don't recommend you guys do this. I'm what they call a professional. And 99% of my game is sober. I don't need DMT to talk to a girl. It was done just for fun and to validate its effectiveness for game. It is effective at the right dose. My goal was to find a healthy alternative to alcohol. Which I did.

[aurum]

19 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

Have you done game drunk? I agree wholeheartedly that sober game is better for calibration and development, but was curious on this point.

I mixed alcohol and game in college and high school. I don’t mix them anymore, but there are some obvious benefits.

The first one being that alcohol puts YOU in a party mood. Your inhibitions are lower. You’re sort of in this “I don’t give a fuck about anything” mindset, and you tend to hang out with other people who think the same. You’re in tune with the party culture, doing what everyone else is doing rather than being outside of it.

There’s this association with alcohol and poor decisions / partying / casual sex where that’s just kind of what is expected, even encouraged. But in a zen monastery or at a Vipassana retreat, there’s a complete different set of implicit or explicit expectations. Hence why people go to nightclubs to get laid and not the latter.

Of course alcohol also has massive downsides, which is why I don’t do it anymore. It can ruin your health. It can be a crutch do avoid doing real inner work. It can make your decision making sloppy.

Those “bad decisions” can make for a funny story when you’re in college. But as you get older, they start to get less funny and more consequential. Ideally that’s when people make a change.

The good news is you really don’t need to drink. You can game sober and get just as good, if not better, results than being drunk. But it may be more challenging, especially at first.

[Terell Kirby]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Of course alcohol also has massive downsides, which is why I don’t do it anymore. It can ruin your health. It can be a crutch do avoid doing real inner work. It can make your decision making sloppy.

True, gaming without alcohol (better yet living life without alcohol) is something new to me. We’re often searching for a trip and not realizing that life itself is a trip. Building state is far beyond the substances we use .. it is maximum engagement with the present moment.

Edited December 30, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[Terell Kirby]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I don't recommend you guys do this. I'm what they call a professional. And 99% of my game is sober. I don't need DMT to talk to a girl. It was done just for fun and to validate its effectiveness for game. It is effective at the right dose. My goal was to find a healthy alternative to alcohol. Which I did.

Thanks for the info.

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Emrie said:

I've found that so far I haven't really ever been that fun at parties. People generally don't really wanna talk to me all that much, don't really wanna dance with me and just I feel like I'm never providing a lot of value to the party, rather leeching from it.

This is a vicious cycle because then I tend to not have fun myself which make other people like me even less and it goes on from there.

What are some things that you've found helpful in this case? Should I just focus on building state and always relaxing myself and focusing on having fun and everything will go from there?

(It's worth pointing out I haven't been to a party since before Covid and I've grown myself as a person a decent bit during this time)

Have fun everywhere you go, everywhere you are, not least of which when you’re alone. Has nothing to do with other people or specific locations or environments. Fun is greater than all of these.  There is no fun anywhere without you bringing it.

Imo, don’t do anything, don’t be tryna add anything. Just have fun. If there is resistance, its self referential thoughts, which are resolved by understanding the emotions you are experiencing. As a bonus, everyone at every party is also experiencing these ‘pesky’ emotions. There is much much connectivity and inclusiveness inherent in understanding emotions. Much more is ‘seen’ and much relaxation ensues with much understanding.