Should I be looking at a 5-10 year time horizon for finding a partner?

[Thought Art]

I think there is no knowing how long it will take to find a partner. Maybe I am weird and spiritual as well and I think that lowers my attractiveness with 98% of women. It also means simply I am not a match for them.

Should I be expecting like, at least 5 years of dating, rejection, flings, pickup etc until I find someone? I think that is a more healthy approach than wanting something right away. I just need to gain more experience over the next 5 years. 

My past experiences suggest I have more work to do.

[Chakra Lion]

 

23 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

I think there is no knowing how long it will take to find a partner. Maybe I am weird and spiritual as well and I think that lowers my attractiveness with 98% of women. It also means simply I am not a match for them.

Go to the right festival and 99% of the woman there are into weird spiritual men. What lowers your attractiveness is doubting that the authentic self that you are is unwanted by  98% of women. Maybe your overthinking it a bit? 

[Thought Art]

@Chakra Lion Yes, this is true. Working through some ego backlash from last night. I don’t know enough of these women and simply need to get experience. 

[mandyjw]

Discern being spiritual from thoughts about being spiritual. Discern expectations about or from a partner, from mutual love and appreciation which doesn't have a time line. Don't shoot yourself in the foot. 

[Thought Art]

@mandyjw true

but… still…

it’s gonna take time to meet people. 
 

im not looking for my soul mate tonight lol

and most girls where I live don’t like spirituality 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Thought Art

[mandyjw]

10 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

and most girls where I live don’t like spirituality 

We are all spiritual beings. It's who we are. Knowledge of this is not necessary to be spirit. They love spirituality with everything they are made of, they just don't conceptually recognize it yet. Someone who identifies as being spiritual conceptually is off putting simply because it can't be done. Spirituality is the knowing of who you are prior to the concept of who you are. So if you conceive of yourself as spiritual, it misses the whole magic of being what is prior to conception. So the girls where you live don't like spirituality. AWESOME! SCORE! They teach you how spiritual you are NOT and you teach them how spiritual they are. Couldn't have planned it better.

[Thought Art]

12 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

We are all spiritual beings. It's who we are. Knowledge of this is not necessary to be spirit. They love spirituality with everything they are made of, they just don't conceptually recognize it yet. Someone who identifies as being spiritual conceptually is off putting simply because it can't be done. Spirituality is the knowing of who you are prior to the concept of who you are. So if you conceive of yourself as spiritual, it misses the whole magic of being what is prior to conception. So the girls where you live don't like spirituality. AWESOME! SCORE! They teach you how spiritual you are NOT and you teach them how spiritual they are. Couldn't have planned it better.

No dude.

I mean, I tell them I do Qigong and they think it’s weird. 
 

it’s not everyone, but probably the majority as it’s not as well known as yoga. 

i don’t identify in any particular way… 

I’m pointing toward life style and interests…

also.. if your inherently spiritual… what you said makes no sense. It’s like saying people are ‘already enlightened’ which is just bullshit. 
 

I really don’t need you telling me how to be spiritual.

Teaching me how spiritual you are not.

Anyway, the point is I’m in need or more experience to develop more healthy mental models of my situation. 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Thought Art

[mandyjw]

@Thought Art Ok, well, I'm not a model, so can't help you there. 

https://youtu.be/ZnZ2XdqGZWU?t=122

[Thought Art]

@mandyjw lol you are to me 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Thought Art said:

I think there is no knowing how long it will take to find a partner

Be knowing what you are wanting, and be getting ready for it (her or him) to show up.

[Thought Art]

@Nahm I think that’s exactly it Nahm ol’ boy. 

I think this is why I need more experience. 

thank you 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Thought Art

[NatureB]

I feel similarly when I am in a bar. I don't naturally click with the women there.

Maybe I have a belief from pickup that bars and nightclubs and where the women thay I should want go. But it's not actually who I want.

I like women who do yoga and breathwork. Oh, and reading.

Maybe it's time to try finding women at yoga class or a book club.

[Thought Art]

1 hour ago, NatureB said:

.

I like women who do yoga and breathwork. Oh, and reading.

Maybe it's time to try finding women at yoga class or a book club.

[flowboy]

On 30/12/2021 at 2:57 PM, mandyjw said:

We are all spiritual beings. It's who we are. Knowledge of this is not necessary to be spirit. They love spirituality with everything they are made of, they just don't conceptually recognize it yet. Someone who identifies as being spiritual conceptually is off putting simply because it can't be done. Spirituality is the knowing of who you are prior to the concept of who you are. So if you conceive of yourself as spiritual, it misses the whole magic of being what is prior to conception. So the girls where you live don't like spirituality. AWESOME! SCORE! They teach you how spiritual you are NOT and you teach them how spiritual they are. Couldn't have planned it better.

Beautiful ?

[flowboy]

On 30/12/2021 at 3:21 PM, mandyjw said:

@Thought Art Ok, well, I'm not a model, so can't help you there.

[flowboy]

@Thought Art  You're better off going to a yoga class and psychedelic festivals, so you can meet women to talk about qi-gong and other things with.

There's also dating apps especially for people who identify as spiritual, one of them is meetmindful.com, check it out!

[Thought Art]

@flowboy Thanks I’ll check out the app…

another app called Lua but it’s still in early development. 
 

I think you are right. I’ll keep my head up for these things as the summer grows near. I think I need to plan to move to a bigger city. 
 

it’s not really about identity… but it also is… because if you can’t understand or share values with you partner it’s not gonna work. 

[Roy]

On 12/30/2021 at 3:05 AM, Thought Art said:

Should I be expecting like, at least 5 years of dating, rejection, flings, pickup etc until I find someone?

What does that "someone" mean for you? Just a casual girlfriend/partner, or someone you want to marry and have kids with?

The neat thing is you have no idea what will happen. Just start dating and getting yourself out there and seeing what happens. You might randomly come across someone where you both fall head over heals for each other, and even if it doesn't last a lifetime. It's still a great experience and gets you that much closer to that next person that's even better for you.

I'll tell you this though - don't set any expectations or it will always be tainting things in the back of your mind whoever you're with.

[Thought Art]

2 minutes ago, Roy said:

I'll tell you this though - don't set any expectations or it will always be tainting things in the back of your mind whoever you're with.

Words of wisdom 

[flowboy]

11 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

it’s not really about identity… but it also is… because if you can’t understand or share values with you partner it’s not gonna work. 

I get it, that is true.

What are your values?

And the values you want her to have?