Madness Or Almost Enlightenment? Please Need Advice

[Visionary]

Hi Guys,

Just had a crazy experience. Fever was skyrocketing, 1000 of thoughts entered my mind. All negative thoughts. Now, my whole family had a fever and i live with them. Thoughts looked like real scenario's, 100 procent real as if i could predict the future. I saw different flashes and then this one came up: i have to detach from my mom to become what the universe wants me to. Chakra's in the head were moving furiously. I tried to detach from my mom, the moment i almost accepted it, i thought i would die.

I almost threw up multiple times. Eventually i could not do it. I love her too much.

The moment i made this decision, the fever immediately tempered. I was calmness itself. Kundalini tempered. I was thinking about living a selfless live and simultaneously not abondining my mother. It looked like the universe did not want a pact.

 

Now guys, am i mad as fuck? Probably so. But those "visions" looked so real. Different numbers (33:33 and 22 and 33:23 23..) were noticed. One after the other. I thought i was loosing it. What does it mean to completely detach from your family guys? I don't know how. This is 100 procent a deeper truth that came to the surface. I always knew this. My biggest fear is her dying. 

P.s. already had a fullblown kundalini awakening from lsd, mushrooms and normal meditation. This all in 1 fucking year. Maybe i'm really fucking loosing it.

The universe gave a hella lot of info about my current girlfriend. Also deeper truths i knew to be true. I knew this shit all allong.

@Leo Gura brother, if you ever think of committing the most selfish deed, please do not this. I had to have my say. You can take this like bullshit from a complete madman. But if you ever come to that point. You know what to do. DON'T. Please don't get mad. Don't know how the fuck i feel right now. I saw a tragic scenario where another great person died, everyone clapping on the funeral. 

LOL

 

Right?

Edited January 4, 2017 by Visionary

[abrakamowse]

I had a crazy experience too and I ended in a psychiatric hospital with a nervous breakdown.

Now I now it was my ego trying to come back with a lot of strength.  I wasn't prepared for the experience and it was some years before I knew about Leo, I didn't know anything at all. Now a know anything but at that moment I knew less than anything.

Just relax and stop paying attention to thoughts as usual. I think is the Ego trying to stop the inevitable, the ego death.

[Visionary]

1 minute ago, abrakamowse said:

I had a crazy experience too and I ended in a psychiatric hospital with a nervous breakdown.

Now I now it was my ego trying to come back with a lot of strength.  I wasn't prepared for the experience and it was some years before I knew about Leo, I didn't know anything at all. Now a know anything but at that moment I knew less than anything.

Just relax and stop paying attention to thoughts as usual. I think is the Ego trying to stop the inevitable, the ego death.

Thank you for your reply man. I hope all is well now? How are you dealing with your situation?

I could not move all night man, one little movement triggered the energy system immensly. As if you'd throw gasoline on a fire. Fucking torture man. Just starting to get back to normal again.

 

@Arman my man you've had experience with this before didn't you? How did you handle this? I can recall you warned me about this. I did nothing unusual to trigger this. Meditate an hour a day and just got "sick"

[Guest Annetta]

@Visionary I would ask yourself how strong you feel you are right now?  If you feel you can continue on your path without help then that's good, but at the same time getting help to give yourself a fresh template is also a good thing.  DSM classifies spiritual emergency as a legit thing.
http://wisdomuniversity.org/grof/module/week5/pdf/dsmrsproblem.pdf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_crisis

Like for instance, it says here on Wikipedia that with epilepsy you can have spiritual experiences.  If you're asking if you're going mad or becoming enlightened, I would get everything checked out first and then continue seeking - if anything, just so you can have some peace of mind. <3

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geschwind_syndrome

See?  :3  It can be both.

[abrakamowse]

28 minutes ago, Visionary said:

Thank you for your reply man. I hope all is well now? How are you dealing with your situation?

All well really, but because I didn't know what was happening to me I thought I was going crazy. So I went to the hospital and they sent me to therapy.

It was helpful for me, because I was working a lot, and because I am an immigrant I don't have family here in USA, I was alone, and they showed me how being lonely without social interaction can affect me. So now I am more sociable, I did some more friends and really meditation helped me a lot to stop listening to my head.

And Leo was very helpful showing me that enlightenment was about seeing reality as it is. So I began to focus more on what I was doing instead of thinking what I am going to do, what did I do, how, why, hehehe... the mind is the one that is crazy and we can observe its craziness.

:-)

Now I feel that my mind can do whatever it wants, like an spoiled child and I just will observe it. And in my case, I read the bible a lot, the bible has many hidden meanings for enlightenment. For example I know now that the psalm 23 was written for this kind of spiritual tests.

"Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me."

But you can know that when our true self (God/Consciousness/reality/etc) is with us, the ego (evil) can't affect us.

Let us know how are you doing. Forget the experience, just say thanks for it, all experiences are positive because it makes you grow spiritually.

 

Edited January 4, 2017 by abrakamowse

[Visionary]

19 minutes ago, Babybat said:

@Visionary I would ask yourself how strong you feel you are right now?  If you feel you can continue on your path without help then that's good, but at the same time getting help to give yourself a fresh template is also a good thing.  DSM classifies spiritual emergency as a legit thing.
http://wisdomuniversity.org/grof/module/week5/pdf/dsmrsproblem.pdf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_crisis

Like for instance, it says here on Wikipedia that with epilepsy you can have spiritual experiences.  If you're asking if you're going mad or becoming enlightened, I would get everything checked out first and then continue seeking - if anything, just so you can have some peace of mind. <3

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geschwind_syndrome

See?  :3  It can be both.

Thank you very much. I will get things checked out. Bless you.

How i feel now? I think i'm gonna take a break from meditation a while now. I can't have that energy going beserk again. My body was/is under immense stress. Lower backpain kills me now.

Edited January 4, 2017 by Visionary

[Bob84]

@Visionary To detach from something you must first accept that that something is nothing more than a thought that you created in your mind , that you label as important and cherish. 

[Neo]

Sounds like Paranoid Delusion I'm afraid. But really how on earth can anyone on an internet forum know what's going on inside your head, really?

[Aware]

9 hours ago, Visionary said:

universe wants me to.

Then you know more then me. 

 

9 hours ago, Visionary said:

The universe gave a hella lot of info about my current girlfriend

Oh, it almost seems girlfriend is from another space galaxy universe somewhere outside of everything.

 

9 hours ago, Visionary said:

P.s. already had a fullblown kundalini awakening from lsd, mushrooms and normal meditation. This all in 1 fucking year. Maybe i'm really fucking loosing it.

Whatever it takes to be 'it.'

 

Quote

Madness Or Almost Enlightenment? 

Funny how that universe (seeming as if its really some distant somewhere completely separated from anything else) you speak about wants you to do things, tells about everything about your girlfriend (as if this person is somewhere on a distance island galaxy where universe broke into, just to tell you about what it found about your girlfriend), and you ask yourself rather this is madness or almost enlightenment.

Come on. Really? You are so deep into it, lost in your play with everything you are not, I respect it.

Edited January 4, 2017 by Aware

[AlwaysBeNice]

I've been through so much madness, depression etc. and recovered quite easily from it through self inquiry, mindfulness and meditation within a year, that was around 3 years ago.

It's not as a big deal as people make it out to be, believing you are crazy because of the body is probably the biggest hinder you can face, because then you might stop taking responsibility for your beliefs/thoughts/intellect, the ability to still the mind, to do introspection and heal.

Madness is simply fear, the delusion from the fear that you exist as separate that can die, be damaged, lose happiness, that it can find happiness from the validation of others or some experience etc.

That might take extreme forms, often because one is filled with hurt and trauma and feels terrible and is terribly afraid of others, so it's desperate for (false) beliefs that seem beneficial for that person ('I am more special than others', 'I am such a helpless victim', fantasies about reality and the ego to feel better etc.).-

And of course reality is much more special than we ought to think and awakening and mystical experiences are just part of the ride, just stop attaching unnecessary beliefs unto them because of your hurt ego and you'll be fine; find the truth of your being. 

[Visionary]

7 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

All well really, but because I didn't know what was happening to me I thought I was going crazy. So I went to the hospital and they sent me to therapy.

It was helpful for me, because I was working a lot, and because I am an immigrant I don't have family here in USA, I was alone, and they showed me how being lonely without social interaction can affect me. So now I am more sociable, I did some more friends and really meditation helped me a lot to stop listening to my head.

And Leo was very helpful showing me that enlightenment was about seeing reality as it is. So I began to focus more on what I was doing instead of thinking what I am going to do, what did I do, how, why, hehehe... the mind is the one that is crazy and we can observe its craziness.

:-)

Now I feel that my mind can do whatever it wants, like an spoiled child and I just will observe it. And in my case, I read the bible a lot, the bible has many hidden meanings for enlightenment. For example I know now that the psalm 23 was written for this kind of spiritual tests.

"Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me."

But you can know that when our true self (God/Consciousness/reality/etc) is with us, the ego (evil) can't affect us.

Let us know how are you doing. Forget the experience, just say thanks for it, all experiences are positive because it makes you grow spiritually.

 

Thank you very much my man. I will let you know. Bless you.

 

2 hours ago, Aware said:

Then you know more then me. 

 

Oh, it almost seems girlfriend is from another space galaxy universe somewhere outside of everything.

 

Whatever it takes to be 'it.'

 

Funny how that universe (seeming as if its really some distant somewhere completely separated from anything else) you speak about wants you to do things, tells about everything about your girlfriend (as if this person is somewhere on a distance island galaxy where universe broke into, just to tell you about what it found about your girlfriend), and you ask yourself rather this is madness or almost enlightenment.

Come on. Really? You are so deep into it, lost in your play with everything you are not, I respect it.

By the Universe, i mean knowledge from the unconscious obviously. Don't think that was too hard to understand now was it? Messages from your intuition thrown at you . You should try to develope it. Cool story about the distant galaxy though. Very creative.

 

 

And trust me, if you'll ever reach the point that you have to detach from the most important thing in your life, then you can come and talk. It literally feels like dying and abandoning everything. Kundalini is no fucking joke. 

[Visionary]

5 hours ago, Bob84 said:

@Visionary To detach from something you must first accept that that something is nothing more than a thought that you created in your mind , that you label as important and cherish. 

You are right. But at that moment it did not look like a mere thought. Looked like by detaching from that, i would kill my loved ones and abandone them and above all myself. The fever and Kundalini really fucked me up.

[Visionary]

1 hour ago, AlwaysBeNice said:

I've been through so much madness, depression etc. and recovered quite easily from it through self inquiry, mindfulness and meditation within a year, that was around 3 years ago.

It's not as a big deal as people make it out to be, believing you are crazy because of the body is probably the biggest hinder you can face, because then you might stop taking responsibility for your beliefs/thoughts/intellect, the ability to still the mind, to do introspection and heal.

Madness is simply fear, the delusion from the fear that you exist as separate that can die, be damaged, lose happiness, that it can find happiness from the validation of others or some experience etc.

That might take extreme forms, often because one is filled with hurt and trauma and feels terrible and is terribly afraid of others, so it's desperate for (false) beliefs that seem beneficial for that person ('I am more special than others', 'I am such a helpless victim', fantasies about reality and the ego to feel better etc.).-

And of course reality is much more special than we ought to think and awakening and mystical experiences are just part of the ride, just stop attaching unnecessary beliefs unto them because of your hurt ego and you'll be fine; find the truth of your being. 

Thank you very much for your words. You are right. Attaching to these experience is what the ego does. I'll just integrate certain lessons i learned from it and move on. Bless you.

[Bob84]

1 hour ago, Visionary said:

You are right. But at that moment it did not look like a mere thought. Looked like by detaching from that, i would kill my loved ones and abandone them and above all myself. The fever and Kundalini really fucked me up.

When detaching from thoughts other thoughts arise to which you are more likely to attach. Don't mistake this for anything more than that. You are the observer and not the object/thing being observed.

[abrakamowse]

52 minutes ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

Yeah I've experienced that detatchment. It's the root of the ego i guess. People want awakening but they don't want to let go of their attachment. This shit is serious buisness, it's not for the light hearted

I was thinking than previous to awakening it's safer to detach from everything. Otherwise you think you are your thoughts and that's a big problem.

You can think you are going crazy, when there's no one to go crazy.

[Visionary]

1 hour ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

Yeah I've experienced that detatchment. It's the root of the ego i guess. People want awakening but they don't want to let go of their attachment. This shit is serious buisness, it's not for the light hearted

Were you able to detach from everything? I have the feeling you must give up all your relationships to achieve this level of detachment. How did things work out for you?

[Emerald]

20 hours ago, Visionary said:

Hi Guys,

Just had a crazy experience. Fever was skyrocketing, 1000 of thoughts entered my mind. All negative thoughts. Now, my whole family had a fever and i live with them. Thoughts looked like real scenario's, 100 procent real as if i could predict the future. I saw different flashes and then this one came up: i have to detach from my mom to become what the universe wants me to. Chakra's in the head were moving furiously. I tried to detach from my mom, the moment i almost accepted it, i thought i would die.

I almost threw up multiple times. Eventually i could not do it. I love her too much.

The moment i made this decision, the fever immediately tempered. I was calmness itself. Kundalini tempered. I was thinking about living a selfless live and simultaneously not abondining my mother. It looked like the universe did not want a pact.

 

Now guys, am i mad as fuck? Probably so. But those "visions" looked so real. Different numbers (33:33 and 22 and 33:23 23..) were noticed. One after the other. I thought i was loosing it. What does it mean to completely detach from your family guys? I don't know how. This is 100 procent a deeper truth that came to the surface. I always knew this. My biggest fear is her dying. 

P.s. already had a fullblown kundalini awakening from lsd, mushrooms and normal meditation. This all in 1 fucking year. Maybe i'm really fucking loosing it.

The universe gave a hella lot of info about my current girlfriend. Also deeper truths i knew to be true. I knew this shit all allong.

@Leo Gura brother, if you ever think of committing the most selfish deed, please do not this. I had to have my say. You can take this like bullshit from a complete madman. But if you ever come to that point. You know what to do. DON'T. Please don't get mad. Don't know how the fuck i feel right now. I saw a tragic scenario where another great person died, everyone clapping on the funeral. 

LOL

 

Right?

It's odd. Kundalini stuff keeps coming up more and more in my own life and with others on this forum in the past few weeks. Also, things about grounding. It sounds to me that you may have been having a touch of Kundalini Syndrome. I recommend not taking too much stock in imperatives to appease the Kundalini. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. There's no need to excommunicate yourself from your mother, if you don't want to. As long as your attachment to her is normal and healthy, there is no problem. I also recommend grounding. Focus more on the bottom chakras first to create stability. So, give spirituality a break, take a break from entheogens, eat root vegetables that grow under the ground, you might try some grounding stones like Black Tourmaline, Hematite, or Red Jasper, walk on the Earth barefoot, do body scan meditations, etc. It's very important to ground yourself now, as these visions may be delusions. My husband's sister is now experiencing psychosis which first brandished itself as an awakening. Your post reminds me of how she was talking after her awakening but prior to her psychotic break. I would pull back for a while. 

[abrakamowse]

6 minutes ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

 you might try some grounding stones like Black Tourmaline, Hematite, or Red Jasper, walk on the Earth barefoot, do body scan meditations, etc. 

You should do a video about that @Emerald Wilkins  sounds interesting, I didn't know about that.

[Visionary]

@Emerald Wilkins

Yeah, 

I don't know if it is a healthy relationship, you know? I have a refugee background, all the struggle she went through as a lonely mom, for me and my sisters, all the tough times and crying. I have the feeling i can never repay her for all those hard times. I almost made it my life mission to keep her happy until she dies. How can i detach from that?

Would you advice me to stop meditation completely for a while? My body also feels very tired after this fever. Completely drained.

 

[Emerald]

Just now, abrakamowse said:

You should do a video about that @Emerald Wilkins  sounds interesting, I didn't know about that.

I plan to do some videos about this coming up on grounding, spiritual bypassing, and Kundalini Syndrome. It's been a really strong theme in my life recently.