Long Distance Relationship

[Cinderella]

Hi,

 

I have been in a long distance relationship for three years now with my partner living in Australia while I live in Germany. He used to say he will move here and started learning German but in the last months he changed and finally told me that he is too afraid moving here and thinks he won't be happy here. So now I'm in the position to decide: moving to Australia, breaking up or waste more time waiting for him...I'm really home-bound and cannot imagine leaving my family and friends here for good. When I lived in Australia before for 9 months, I was really homesick, so decided to go back and studied again. My studies will be finished soon and I may have the chance to get a dream job here.

He is really special to me. I think he is my soul mate but does it mean I have to give up my current life for him? I'm so afraid whatever decision I take, I will regret in a few months or years. Anyone has made any experience like this and can give some advice? 

Thanks!

[zenny]

hey @Cinderella,  connect with @Ayla or @Dhana Choko 

 

[Ayla]

@Cinderella ,

Grace puts us in these situations sometimes. They are "turning points". 

From what I feel, you already know the answer but are too afraid to acknowledge it to yourself. 

The fear that you will regret your decision is a masked lack of trust in your own future and if I may say, in God (Universe, Source).. so basically you are putting yourself in a situation where choice seems impossible. 

Self confidence, co-dependency and self-esteem are the points you might want to tackle in yourself at this point. Life has taught me to stay very still - aka not make any decisions until I resolve what I can resolve within myself, then, starting from there, take action. 

 

[Jecht Spencer]

There is an old Spanish saying which translates roughly into "Being Lovers and Being Far Away, makes the two couples enjoy it very well."

(Hence saying that long distance doesn't work.)

If you are into self actualization. I assume you hit the gym, eat healthy, have passions in life, and are working every day to improve.

I know there are some strapping young German men who would love to meet you.

Find someone local. There are 80,505,033 people living in Germany. Surely some of those German men would love to meet you, no?

My 2 cents. Good luck.

[AndreeaM]

Dear Cinderella,

I resonate with your situation a lot.I also have a long distance realtionship and find it hard to deal with.

I agree on what Ayla said about self confidence, co-dependency and self-etsteem.Those are great things to start with (I'm also working on that), but also think that it would be great if you find the road between.Try to find your equilibrium.I find this so,so important and it helps me in making such decisions like the one you are struggling with right now.

Have you sat down and really thought about what is going on between you two?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jecht Spencer said:

There is an old Spanish saying which translates roughly into "Being Lovers and Being Far Away, makes the two couples enjoy it very well."

(Hence saying that long distance doesn't work.)

If you are into self actualization. I assume you hit the gym, eat healthy, have passions in life, and are working every day to improve.

I know there are some strapping young German men who would love to meet you.

Find someone local. There are 80,505,033 people living in Germany. Surely some of those German men would love to meet you, no?

My 2 cents. Good luck.

This can be only true because I live in germany and from personal experience I can tell there is at least one handsome guy who is looking for a nice young ladie! 

[Dhana Choko]

It sound like you really are in a difficult emotional situation. I know from personal experience that even though all the people would tell you that you will find someone else and that you need to see that "there are many fish in the sea" but the truth is, when one is in a long-term (even if it is long-distance) relationship with someone and there are attachments on all levels (emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual), it is not easy at all to let go. So my sympathies go out to you. This is definitely not an easy decision and it kind of sucks that in a way your boyfriend has put you in this situation to make the decision for both of you. 

My personal experience is that I moved back to my own country to a new city far away from my family after living in England for 4 years after my boyfriend. I wanted to move back to my home country anyway but the city was chosen because my current bf at the time had studies that he had to finish. Now looking back I should have seen the warning signs already then and 1,5 years after I moved here, we have now split up. I do kind of regret it. I do not regret so much moving here, because I do like being in here, but I do regret that I did not listen to my own gut.  When I was moving here, I did feel that our relationship was not stable (enough) and I just hoped that it would turn the way I would want it to be instead of looking at what was in front of me and what was the reality in that situation right then. That situation I had then, was a perfect energetic reflection on what was to come later on. If I could have been more realistic then, I would have seen it very bluntly that we were not completely sure to be with each other and we had problems in our relationship already. It did get slightly better after we worked on those issues, but there were definitely bumps on the road and the relationship never turned into a fairy-tale and it actually ended quite badly as well. So my advice to you is that: move if you are willing and very happy to live there even if it does not work out between you two. But do not move just because of the relationship on its own. 

Many blessings to you on this time in your life. 

[chris wallace]

If im really stuck between 2 things and cant decide. I flip a coin and whatever it lands on your gut will tell you if was wrong or not one. Then decide. 

Worth a try.

Its a big comitment moving across the globe.

 

[Cinderella]

Thanks a lot everyone. I will take my time to take the final decision and I told him again to rethink, too. The thing is that I know he is not very happy in Australia anyway, just earning good money there that he needs to support his own parents. But I know that I have to put myself first. I love Australia but I love Germany more as it's my home. So I will find out if there is any chance left for us to be together or if I let it go. I'm still young (25). I won't let another year pass but no need to hurry now.