best ways to fix low self esteem?

[Illusory Self]

I think I may have deep rooted issues of having low self esteem from when I was younger, I went to dozens of different primary schools & was always secluded/left out in all of them from my class, that is how it felt to me. I have never really had any friends. It has left me constantly seeking approval & validation from others, especially socializing/dating. When I do those activities I don't even really enjoy it but I feel like I need some kind of approval or something to make up for my past. I think this may be buried deep into my subconscious.

 

Just wondering what are the most effective ways of getting over having low sense of self worth/esteem because it seems to continually result in self sabotaging behaviour in my own life with constant seeking of approval/love from others.

[Preety_India]

 

Long process 

• Giving more value to yourself 
• Cultivating healthy ego 
• Working on personal happiness 
• Make friends 
• Self care 
• Cut down doormat tendencies
• Don't compare to others
• Don't take other's opinions too seriously 
• Cultivate healthy self image 

 

 

[hyruga]

Be aware of your beliefs. Notice if there are any beliefs that are negative or limit you. 

Cultivate a new sense of identity. Being the person.

Edited December 31, 2021 by hyruga

[Loba]

Stay away from people who make you feel bad about yourself.

[Kmehta13]

Start by reading some self-help books or a biography and go to gym this will raise your confidence and filter your thought process maybe try joining a group sport like soccer or volleyball. Shower Love to everyone around even if they are ignorant about it spent time socialising with people about anything (one way is ask their opinion) 

[universe]

You can let go of the need for approval.

Give yourself all the approval you want.

Or just realize you don't need approval.

[Terell Kirby]

Start by writing a list of 10 - 20 things you like and appreciate about yourself. Be sincere.

Go over that list for five minutes for 30 days.

[Illusory Self]

@Terell Kirby @universe @Loba @hyruga @Preety_India 

 

Great, thanks for all help everyone

I am going to try & incorporate the advice given 

[Nahm]

On 12/29/2021 at 10:57 AM, Illusory Self said:

I think I may have deep rooted issues

‘Deep rooted issues’ is a concept, a thought, which arises only now. 

Quote

of having low self esteem from when I was younger, I went to dozens of different primary schools & was always secluded/left out in all of them from my class, that is how it felt to me.

That isn’t feeling, that is an interpretation. Feeling is now, and is of the interpretation. You are not feeling a past, you are feeling your own interpretation. 

Quote

I have never really had any friends. It has left me constantly seeking approval & validation from others, especially socializing/dating. When I do those activities I don't even really enjoy it but I feel like I need some kind of approval or something to make up for my past. I think this may be buried deep into my subconscious.

That also is a concept, a thought, which arises now or not at all. 

Quote

Just wondering what are the most effective ways of getting over having low sense of self worth/esteem because it seems to continually result in self sabotaging behaviour in my own life with constant seeking of approval/love from others.

What you want is to feel amazing all the time, and you can. The interpretation, which you believe is true, specifically about you, actually isn’t. This is why it feels discordant, to you. 

The feeling amazing you seek is present now, and only now. As you mentioned, you tried getting it from everyone and everything, and that did not pan out. This is because you are the source of feeling amazing. Like a cork held underwater and let go, amazing feeling arises of it’s own natural accord. This is not something you can do. You must learn how to ‘get out of your own way’, and feel that the cork, the true nature, arises within naturally. To ‘get out of your own way’, is to let the habit of conceptualizing go, and understand the emotions you are actually feeling & experiencing. 

The emotional scale. 

The old habitual conceptualizing will arise, simply focus again on the emotional scale. 

Express each emotion simply & earnestly. It is not complicated, there is no ‘big aha’. Each higher emotion feels a bit better, and momentum builds as you go up the scale. 

When you’ve expressed each emotion up to contentment, you’ve let the cork go. 

If you aren’t truly feeling at peace with this moment as it is (contentment), honor and express what you are thinking and feeling, and go to that emotion on the scale, and proceed upward again. 

Then the cork naturally arises as hopefulness, because (from the direct experience of using the scale) it is now realized you can use this scale anytime you want. In going forward with your life, this is good to know because there will be challenges, there will be difficulties. But - there will be the scale, which you can use to help you ‘empty’ by expressing, and thus feeling, contentment. You can do this anytime you want. This makes the outlook, thoughts of the future, optimistic by default, and you feel eagerness in knowing this, and joy and freedom in experiencing this. 

 

[Raze]

Try self therapy by Jay Earely

[JonasVE12]

On 29-12-2021 at 4:57 PM, Illusory Self said:

Just wondering what are the most effective ways of getting over having low sense of self worth/esteem because it seems to continually result in self sabotaging behaviour in my own life with constant seeking of approval/love from others.

The only way to do this is to make it your life's goal. It requires a long term commitment and daily effort. I personally tried all kinds of different routes to finally get rid of that feeling of being unworthy. The most important thing is to actively confront your resistance to meeting others on a daily basis. I tried psychedelics, therapy, diet, detoxing, meditation, research, contemplation, visualization, hypnosis and lots of other things, and yes, they are all significant and worthwhile to do. Each of them will bring you benefits and build a bit more lighter feelings in your body. But a huge misunderstanding is that they can substitute for approaching. 

Approaching is what heals you from interpersonal trauma. It is a way to trigger all of your self-esteem issues, your negative feelings in your body, the stories in your mind. It gives you the opportunity to confront and release those. You do this by approaching with a more connected awareness of your body and the flow of consciousness throughout your body. When stepping into resistance, you can observe energy blockages, breath into them, accept them and release until your energy flows freely through you. This will set you free and make you much more authentic in conversations which will attract people into your reality. You need to find that self-acceptance and love when approaching and meeting people. It will create a container to feel one with the other person. It's all in you now. You only need an experiential understanding which will come with time. 

I recommend a daily practice that needs to be done consistently for a couple of years at least. You have to direct almost all your energy towards this goal. Then you become the most powerful and achievement is bound to happen. 

So you start at where you are currently stuck. Stop people on the street and ask a quick logical question until you start to feel really comfortable. Master this first. It is level 1 and there are 100 levels. But mastering this level is the hardest. The other levels become easier as you master the previous levels and as you do them more.

WIth mastering this level, I mean, ask the question with the most open, joyful and spontaneous energy. Make people smile just asking this question. In the beginning, the first few days will be the hardest and people probably will feel repelled by your energy because you subconsciously push people away in your state of feeling. But that's okay. Rejection is just guidance. You ground it and accept it. You deal with it maturely. You don't close down and start doubting yourself. Of course you can do that, but again, the awareness of your body is what will allow you to work through these feelings and release those. Every approach will trigger some stories and emotions, and you release those through accepting them and not fighting them. This will bring your body in a lighter state of feeling which makes the next approach easier. It creates flow and momentum. When you have released most of your shame, guilt and fear around the first level, then you get into courage, acceptance and love around asking that simple question. In this state of feeling, you are very connected to your own body. You aren't that much in your head and positive emotions flow through you. Here, people will want to start talking to you. They open up to you, even asking a simple question. The essential thing in this proces when approaching is that you are connected and feeling your own body while you do it and release any tension that comes up. You feel the back of your legs, arms, back and you ground your energy and nervousness into the earth. You also feel your heart/chest and pelvis and really relax those areas. 

That's the first level. Then you increase the tension. And you repeat the proces. It is an integrative approach that lets you embody more and more lighter feelings and really integrate them in your persona/ego. That's becoming more and more permanent the longer you do it. Until it becomes natural and something you don't think about anymore. 

Level 2 might be saying 'hi!' to strangers on the street that you pass by. 100 a day. 

Level 3 might be going up and saying that you wanted to meet them. 

And so on. Level 3 might be level 20 for you. It depends on what you can handle energetically. You have to confront tension just enough so that you feel resistance, but not that much so that it puts you into apathy. 

It does not take a long time to notice the incredible benefits of this practice. After a year of being consistent with this stuff, you will be completely changed. A lot of abundance in relationships, dating, social and you can guess to what all of this transfers. You become so much more expansive in your life in all areas. its great.

Edited December 30, 2021 by JonasVE12

[itachi uchiha]

Read and apply the book the 6 pillars of self esteem by nathaniel brandon

[Breakingthewall]

I've had that problem for as long as I can remember. As a child it did not affect me but as a teenager a lot. my father was: I am special, magnificent, God loves me. but you are worse .God does not love you. you are shit. Since he did it full time, he did it well. many people believed him, which reinforced the role. The bad thing is that it is stressful and to take away he was an alcoholic, addicted, he vomited after every meal, he did not sleep ... he died very young. When I realized I was in trouble, I had to get very serious. my instinct told me to look for the hardest, the most extreme hardness possible. that that was what i needed. I did it, I keep doing it. I could have gone further. Maybe it will go further. not everything is meditation, psychedelics or therapy. you also have to go down to the sand

[Javfly33]

20 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

I could have gone further. Maybe it will go further. not everything is meditation, psychedelics or therapy. you also have to go down to the sand

I am not sure I understand you.

Did you heal completely or you are still in the process?

 

[Breakingthewall]

34 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I am not sure I understand you.

Did you heal completely or you are still in the process?

 

I'm in the process in the sense that I can't quite forget my father, feel something deeply negative and sad in my life, i hope i can find the way in this. but in the sense of self-esteem yes. there are no traces of feeling "worse" left, no compensation for feeling "better". I can see others as brothers totally. It has cost me a lot, when they put a programming in your childhood, it is difficult to reverse it, you have to go deep 

When i said to go further in hard things, i was thinking they are healthy, even you haven't any problem. the hardness, the difficult, the austere, it makes you cleaner, or so it seems to me. in the end it makes life happier

Edited January 8, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[hyruga]

On 12/31/2021 at 8:16 PM, itachi uchiha said:

Read and apply the book the 6 pillars of self esteem by nathaniel brandon

Edited January 9, 2022 by hyruga

[Alex_R]

Take 150ug of LSD and watch yourself merging with The Present Moment

[Matt23]

Accomplish stuff in reality.

[Focus]

Your forums name is literally Illusory Self bro, deep down you know that you don’t have a self therefore you don’t have low self esteem. 

[flume]

I made a video about it. Become aware of your needs & what you missed is the first step: