Mushroom Trip Report 009 - Love.

[ZenSwift]

Insights about Love, Manifestation, Teaching, Reality, Sexuality, Personal Development, Shrooms, and more.

December 27th 2021

Dosage: 2 grams of African Transkei strain mushroom, these are regarded for potency and high visuals. So I'm definitely testing it out. Now that I'm writing this in the future, I would say that the Penis Envy Stain is stronger.

Taken at 11:21AM as a lemon tek tea, and I also grounded the shroom with a coffee grinder such that it's a fine POWDER. I added the lemon juice, let sit for 5 mins, added water boiled from the kettle, let it soak for 20 minutes, and then strained and discarded the solid bits. Doing it this way makes the trip hit really fast and really hard.

 

My initial Intentions:

What is Clarity?

What is Curiosity?

What is Creativity?

Ideas for my business.

 

>These intentions weren't seriously held, and as a result I actually ended up thinking about what was already on my mind. And that led to some different insights that were also very valuable.

 

17 min

Starting to feel the onset

 

21 min

Getting dizzy

24min

Yawns, so many yawns.

I need to premeditate my intentions for like 5 minutes focus before I take it.

>This was me reflecting on my crappy intention setting skills.

 

26 min

Feeling a massive body come up

>I get an amazing body high, like a bunch of vines are growing in my body like a parasite and constricting me, taking hold of me.

 

Designs on a Tapestry moving

 

30 min

Heavy body load

 

39 min

Tingling in my fingers and my limbs

 

39 min

Tingling in my fingers and my limbs

 

45 min

Yawning and tired like crazy.

You can have unwanted imagination, like looking at your cute dog and imagining it getting skinned down to a skeleton.

>Yeah, so your imagination on shrooms is supercharged and effortless in this way.

 

55 min

Giggly

 

>I'd say the majority of the trip lasted 5-7 hours.

 

 

Duality needs to be created to maximize the love of the universe.

 

I want to love everything that I've created. (as God)

>Note that I have zero awakenings or even mystical experiences yet. I have yet to even realize baby insights like no-self.

 

Life is learning about how to love.

I teach people how to love their ideal self.

• To love discipline.
• To love routine.
• To love excellence.
• To love the idea of destroying their perceived barriers between the story of who they think they are now and the story of their ideal self.
• To love the action of suffering through a very challenging practice routine.
• To love doing the shadow work they need to do to rid their addictions
• To love being curious about life in order to find what they're authentically passionate learning about.
• To love the idea of healing their past and rewriting their story to become their ideal self.
• etc.

 

 

I think the archetype of Shrooms is love. I initially saw shrooms as a tool of catharsis, but now I see that the catharsis is a byproduct of the mechanism of love at work. Shrooms fudge your boundaries of reality, which is a collapsing of dualities, which is love.

 

All insights come from love.

 

(When it comes to the topic of manifestation) You ARE IT! YOU ARE ALREADY WHAT YOU MANIFEST! YOU JUST MAKE ACTIONS TO PROVE IT!

I understand what they mean now with Manifestation.

You are ALREADY the person you ought to be.

Imagine this. You are actually someone from another dimension that has already accomplished all the things you've wanted to. But now you've been transported into this body, into this universe, and now you simply have to prove you're already the case. You need to rewrite the books, redo the consciousness work, redo the speaking practice, and you doing this is just you proving that you are already it.

It comes from a deep place of love. You become a fountain of love by loving your ideal self much that you are already it, and then from that place, you simply are spilling yourself out, and you transform through that process. That transformation IS the manifestation process. You shapeshift.

 

You have to demand more of yourself to manifest it into actuality. That is precisely how you grow, out of nothingness, you demand more. You summon more of yourself!

 

A visionary leader is someone who demands more from other people. They LITERALLY SEE your potential manifested in this moment right now.a

• I see you, the reader, as extremely intelligent.
• I see you as one that's capable of massive love.
• I see you as one that will accomplish your goals in life.
• I SEE IT. Can you?

 

The universe if just a manifestation, an illusion of the highest degree, an imagination. Everything in the universe has been manifested. It's not just fucking there. It has been manifested

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Collection of individual insights

• You need to enrich and love EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE, EVERY OBJECT, EVERY PERSON, every idea, every creation, destruction, transformation, birth, death. THIS is how you love your life and spiritualize your life.
• Learn how to lose yourself more into life. When doing an activity, let go of your mind detaching you from the task at hand, and have the courage to fully lose yourself to the task.
• When it comes to learning, It doesn't really matter if you're kind of sleepy trying to learn still, if you're still learning, you're learning.
• THE MOST HARDCORE LOVE IS what is holding your table together.
• I need to study a book on boundaries NOW!
• When being a teacher, your need to BE the actor they NEED  for THEM.
  • THIS is how you teach people. You shapeshift into the form they want to see, to best receive the message. This is why if you're a christian, God will appear to you as Jesus in order for you to comfortably take in the teaching. God appearing as Jesus is the best MASK for God to manifest such that you best receive the message. So when you are trying to teach someone else, you need to create that persona, that mask, such that people will believe in the authority(illusion) that you've constructed. You shapeshift into person they need to see in order to best receive the teaching.
  • Ask people in your life what kind of person would they like to see in you.
    • That's also the kind of person you need to be to be their best teacher.
  • The backdrop you have demands your attention.
  • Literally how you dress, and the room that you put yourself in. The background you have while speaking influences how seriously your message is going to be taken to heart. The tone of your voice, the appearance of organization and thought-thoroughness in your speaking will demand authority. How deeply and interconnectedly you've integrated your insights will determine how strong your message becomes. When the insight is so deeply integrated it just becomes a part of you. And through that you just have to express you SELF with utmost excellence and vigor, and through that, THAT is what creates a great teaching.
  • How you're perceived affects how you're recieved. 

 

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Later I had an Insight that had me roll around and flip around on the floor for several minutes going "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" over and over again.

So, some more manifestation ruminations.

I thought, What would it take for me to be able to talk to Leo everyday? Kinda like in a way of a great talking to a great. Like if you wanted to hang out with Socrates, you would have to be at his level. Sharing insights and shit.

 

I then thought "well I would then have to be at his level in consciousness and understanding".

(Even though on the deepest level you can only get the deepest truths from yourself and not other.)

 

And, yeah, I know that this comes from the my selfish part of my ego that idolizes Leo because he is a really good teacher and I want to be one of the best teachers in the world myself.

 

Anywaayyysss...

Then, I REALIZED that I could ACTUALLY get there. I saw in myself, a deep realization of my potential to manifest as much Consciousness as Leo. Like in my mind, this was extremely possible. That I could make Leo my peer in terms of level of understanding.

 

This is what made me go what the fuck. I was like "HOLYYY SHIIITTT!"

Maybe my confidence is just the peak of Mount Stupid in the Dunning-Kruger Effect. But hey, it felt GREAT! And it gave me a massive confidence boost!

 

Here's a powerful question.

What would you need to become to befriend your teachers as peers? As equals? What would need to become of you? What would you need to do on a day to day basis? What actions would you have to take?

There I was, rolling around on the floor, just experiencing high amounts of joy at the realization of actualizing my potential.

 

 

Meanwhile, while this is happening, my buddy beside me is lying on my bed, on 6 grams of shrooms, fighting his demons like he's playing dark souls. But he did so very silently. Basically it was all an internal battle. Haha! I asked him later about it and he said that my excitement and rowdiness didn't fuck with his trip, so that was good.

 

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Theme song of this part of the trip, reader, if you want, play this song.

I was having the crux of this insight during this song.

 

I curled up into a ball lying on my bed, snuggling an extremely soft blanket, feeling loved and feeling cuteness. I spent what felt like hours just enveloped in the love. I was hugging my super soft blanket, with an AMAZING body high, making everything comfy as fuck.

I was biting my lip for a long time in a total state of erotic energy.

 

I was fantasizing about LOVE. Fantasizing about sharing love with a male! At least a very specific feminine man that was supposedly crushing on at the time. It was a mega positive experience.

Later I am hugging my blanket on the floor, still thinking about love. I'm loving the massive gift that life that God gives us.

 

A lot of times during the trip I was saying

"WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD!"

 

>I was learning that on a very deep level, I want to love absolutely everyone and I know that when I realize I'm God, and when I realize I'm everything, I will be able to learn how to deepen that love. I want to learn how to maximize the love of the universe. I was also massively deconstructing the boundaries between loving everyone, on a deep emotional level. Like, what does it actually mean to love people? What really are you actually loving when you say you love someone?

 

I have awakened to mega feminine energy over here.

Also...

I'm Awakening to bisexuality.

 

I want to be feminine and seduced.

I want to be masculine and be seductive.

 

I LOVE feminine energy. (Side note, I'd probably love 5MeO MALT)

I can find it in women.

I can find it in men.

 

I love the idea of putting makeup on to be more feminine when I want to embody more femininity.

 

>I was learning that the gay side of my sexuality is expressed in a very differently navigated way than my Straight side. They're not the same at all! I also learned that liking the same sex comes with a whole new set of collective societal baggage that suppresses, demonizes and denies homosexuality. Coming out of the closet it not merely just simply accepting yourself and loving yourself, but it is also learning how to navigate in this reality in order to maximize the amount of love in the universe. Coming out of the closet literally means that you are learning how to navigate the oppression in society such that you can exercise love for your homosexual self, but yet at the same time, still look after your physical and social survival such that you are not one to be killed physically and demonized socially.

>How you do this is becoming so sure about who you are that you're not attached to how people think you are. What manifests as bisexuality for ME, is probably very different for another person that identifies as bisexual. What you think bisexuality literally means for you, means a different thing for me. Like I don't like men in the same way AT ALL in the same way that I like women. The way I like women is HARDWIRED into my brain at a deep core level, whereas, the homosexuality that manifests in me comes from what I literally call a "gay fetish". This was imprinted into me from a young age as a result of homosexual experiences I had when I was younger. (Like age 10.) And for years I've denied and demonized the part of myself that liked that because I identified as straight. AND also at the same time homosexuality was VERY GROSS! But over time I found abstractions with fantasies like drawing of pornography, drawings that fudged the duality between male and female. (I can go into more detail of what I mean by this if requested). "My homosexuality" was in a way manifested because I loved a A SMALL part of myself that had a fantasy or two, and that part I explored more and more. It was years in the making. It was manifested over YEARS. It wasn't there, it was something that was nurtured and grew a life of its own. (I can literally go into detail step by step, each domino that had to fall to get to this point.)

>But ANYWAYS, part of coming into my own is me letting go of YOU understanding my story that I've constructed over here.

>In order navigate this new part of myself, I will study a book on boundaries, as well as contemplate what boundaries are. Also what is a relationship?

>So just to clarify, in the end, right now at least, as I write this, I'm still unsure about what exactly my sexuality is, how Bi I really am. Like, do I just like feminine boys? Like twinks/femboys or whatever, and do I just like them physically(sexually) or am I able to love them emotionally too? Am I able to love a masculine man? Am I able to love masculine energy? or just feminine energy?

>This trip allowed me to massively process tons of fear around taking action that would create further clarity. So now I am more confident to take even more action into developing more clarity into my sexuality.

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Additional Insights

What is Courage?

• Courage is a perceived leap Beyond first perceived boundaries. Courage is biting off more than you can chew.
• Courage is willingly throwing yourself into a place that you KNOW you're going to lose control.

  • Where you are not even sure if you're going to be able to handle it.

Contemplate, What is control? Control vs Freedom.

 

• The light of God's love is so bright that whatever it touches it burns away any impurities.
• I need to practice spending money on highly valuable personal development resources. Like a life coaching package.
• Ideas hold the power of the universe. Which is why Epistemology metaphysics are important as FUCK.
• When it comes to buying shrooms I learned that a cube is a cube as they say, just buy some cheap b+ and forget the other strains. Just take more and you're there. You can't really fuck with the quality of shrooms. (Like I mean vendors usually sell really potent shrooms.)
• You can love fear.

 

• I am a DMT jester.
  • That's the energy I hold. I am like the circus, I am expressive, I am chaotic, I am a clown, I am the actor, I am the laugher.
  • That's also what I look like with the colorful clothes that I'm wearing that I call my tripping uniform haha.

 

( I haven't even done DMT yet lol)

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Integration:

• Study a book on boundaries to help navigate all my relationships in life in a way more healthy manner. Such that the love in my relationships have an opportunity to deepen and work at a higher level of synergy.
• Have a conversion about my sexuality with my Mother, as I spill everything about myself to her. As this is part of the process of facing my fears. (By the time I'm writing this, I already did it.) 
• Take action toward deeply integrating this part of my sexuality. Explore myself.

 

Thanks for reading! 

Edited December 29, 2021 by ZenSwift

[Leo Gura]

Excellent work!

[Gregory1]

Thank you brother, this was amazing!

[ZenSwift]

@Leo Gura @Gregory1