Teen w/ porn addiciton (help)

[Ivan D]

Hey guys,

I've been struggling with a serious porn addiction for a few years, and it's been getting worse and worse.

I can logically list to you all the negative side effects and emotions this addiction causes me, and I logically know I have to quit. But obviously I can't. I don't really want to. It seems completely impossible to quit. Every part of my life is fucked up, and I'm confused and depressed every single day. I don't know what to start doing to just feel a little bit better.

I've been lurking on this forum for a while, I watched Leo's videos but haven't applied anything in my life. The initial motivation for self-development has worn off. It feels impossible to motivate myself. I'm overwhelmed by all the content.

My mind is completely numb, depressed, lazy and rotted away. Every single day I'm anxious, have 0 motivation to do anything, I'm lost and confused.

 

And practical advice to tackle this addiction would be greatly appreciated.

[Antonius]

Read this book https://easypeasymethod.org/ and read it multiple times until you are 100% sure you will never watch porn again.

Briefly what this book does is explain why you still watch porn is because you believe there is an upside to watching it, so you mope about trying to quit using willpower. You believe you are at least getting pleasure from it. The book explains how you are getting nothing from porn. It's literally like drinking poison, not only do you get nothing but you ruin yourself in the process as you've seen in your life already.

Using the easy peasy method you won't need willpower because you will stop being a porn user right after you finish your last session and you will understand why after you read it.

It might not click on the first read so read it again and really feel what's being said. Many men have succeeded using this method and what you notice is that there is not a huge community around it like NoFap, because they have no reason to hang around online moping about their addiction. Since they solved that part of life they just move on with it. NoFap is a big community because it's just a bunch of addicts pretending they want to quit, but secretly they don't really want to.

[SonataAllegro]

I've also been struggling with this.

Stop listening to self help stuff and actually help yourself. The confusion from all these teachers and perspectives will not help you with the basics.

Learn to sit with your anxiety, depression, and feelings without judgement. Don't judge your porn addiction. It's a normal addiction, and you also have the power to stop. You clearly have the willingness to stop, but feeling shameful about it won't help (nor will feeling shame for feeling shame!).

Practice mindful engagement, where you get curious about what it feels like to watch porn - what do you get out of it? when do you go to it? what do you feel before and after you watch? what is the hole you're trying to fill with it (pun fully intended)? what does it feel like to masturbate without porn? or watch porn without masturbating? Logic won't help you here - you have to feel the feelings and get curious. 

What's the shortest amount of time you are certain you can go without watching porn? start there. if that's one day, that's fine. if that's one hour, also fine. Don't expect yourself to be able to quit all of a sudden. Such a mindset emerges from shameful thinking. Your one and only goal should be to eliminate the effects of shame by seeing that it doesn't serve you - see it, thank it, and let it go.

You got this! I'm sure you'll be feeling much better if you ease back, so keep that as your motivation.

[Ivan D]

@Antonius I'm familiar with NoFap and the whole Reddit community, and honestly I don't like it. Most of them are just chasing some kind of "benefits" and counting days.

I've never heard about this book, thank you for sharing it. I'll definitely read it ASAP.

 

Thanks for responding!

[Raze]

First try this https://easypeasymethod.org/

you can also try “recovery” by Russell brand

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY

as mentioned in this video you can try meditation, for a free meditation training try unified mindfulness.

Here are some resources from the designer of UM on using meditation for addiction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_dawQLA-mA

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

You should also try finding out the triggers that lead to you doing porn. Is it when you’re bored? Or anxiety? You can reduce anxiety and boredom with meditation and the ultramind solution. Start a new hobby and when you feel an urge do that hobby or watch videos on it until the urge passes.

[Ivan D]

@SonataAllegro Thank you for clearing things up for me, I can see what I'm doing wrong. This is very motivating, but I see it'll be hard.

[Ivan D]

@Raze Thank you for answering!  I'll be checking these out.

[Ivan D]

Thank you people for giving me sources and motivating me! You made my day much better  

[flume]

Addictions don't have much to do with the rationality, as you've well observed.

You might wanna talk to @Nahm or check out his videos/ website/ advice.

[Yoremo]

@Ivan D I have solved this issue for myself, although my addiction to porn and masturbating maybe wasn´t as bad as yours. But here´s how I did:

So I started to take one day of basically, where I couldn´t watch porn nor masturbate. And I would do this for a week or two. Then I would maybe decide that I can wank of say monday but not watch porn. And you just continue to do that very slowly and now I can masturbate to no porn about 3 times a week on average. And this makes you accustomed to the change. But this only works if you like me had just made an habit of watching porn, and then it will work and you´ll probably feel a lot better about yourself.

But I think that sometimes the problem lies in some emotional problems or some need you´re not meeting up or something, and I don´t know what to tell you if that´s the case.

[vizual]

You can try the methods through self help. And for some people this can work, if the problem hasn't become too big for your ego to handle. 

But there are also problems that can have gained so much momentum in one's psyche that it's pretty much unstoppable. We see this in heroin addiction, cocaine, food, alcohol etc. No amount of personal willpower can help these people. No matter how hard they try, they keep falling back into the habit. Problems can become so big, that we personally can't solve it. That's something that self help guru's will never admit though.

Even getting help from other people isn't always enough. That's why in alcohol addiction courses, there's always a call to a higher power, to God. Problems can become so big you have to surrender to God, and hand your problems over to Him. Because you can't do it on your own any more. So keep that in mind, if you are feeling lost and clueless, there is a way out of your problems which self help literature usually won't acknowledge.

[Nahm]

On 12/27/2021 at 11:36 AM, Ivan D said:

Hey guys,

I've been struggling with a serious porn addiction for a few years, and it's been getting worse and worse.

I can logically list to you all the negative side effects and emotions this addiction causes me, and I logically know I have to quit.

How do you know that this is addiction vs what you want?

And if this isn’t what you want, what is it that you do want?

How do you know porn causes suffering? 

And if there is discord which arises when you attempt to think about what you do want, which emotion is felt? 

[Breakingthewall]

addictions are usually a tool that you use as a patch, to cope with your unbearable anxiety. If you can't get your anxiety levels down, no strategy, method, idea is going to work for you. It is obvious from reading that you are fully aware of what this addiction does in you: it rots your mind. It doesn't matter if you know it, the anxiety is worse. anxiety eats you inside. Anxiety is a horrible hole in the center of your being, telling you: you are not worthy of love. God don't love you.  what you have to do is serious, it doesn't matter if you are a teenager, a child or whatever, that's life: hard. you have to understand, solve the puzzle. If not, your life will be miserable, a shit. understand is difficult. First, you are not aware of what has caused your anxiety. you think yes but no. you have to go deep, to the bottom. therapy, psychedelics, real action, honesty, intelligence, courage

Edited January 1, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Gregory1]

IBOGA: A powerful psychedelic to overcome addictions...

[Ivan D]

UPDATE: I'm 4 days clean!

Thank you @Raze @Antonius for recommending the book. I read it and I had this sudden realization in my mind, something clicked. I've completely changed a view to porn and I see that it really is like drinking poison. I completely lost the will to use it!

I started exercising and journaling. Via journaling, I looked into myself and had a few insights about addictions and my emotions.

Thank you for the support guys. I finally feel unstuck, and I'm planning to immerse myself further in the self-help theory and applying it. It feels insane though, I literally quit overnight, with basically zero cravings. 

[Dryas]

I don’t think you need to quit cold turkey. I fap 3-5 times a week and I think that’s the sweet spot you wanna aim for. 
 

Then again, maybe the benefits of quitting entirely are too important in comparison to the momentary pleasure in your case. 

[Ivan D]

@Dryas You don't get it. I was deeply addicted. I was hopeless, depressed, 0 motivation, couldn't think straight and just a nervous wreck. I even started getting suicidal thoughts. Masturbating stopped being a healthy relaxation activity for me. It became compulsive and addictive.

I can't provide a step-by-step strategy for quitting porn. To me, it was a complex situation. The book was what started my change. I could clearly see that there is nothing that this habit is doing for me. I finally had that ah-ha moment of clear realization, and at that moment porn lost all of its meaning and I stopped craving it. Furthermore, I started facing my emotions, journaling and thinking positively. Slowly, I got myself out of it. Journaling helped me make a few big insights about my mistakes.

I'm full 6 days clean. Started exercising, meditating, and applying the advice in Leo's videos. Never felt better in my life.

I don't even crave porn, but I have this sexual energy I haven't felt in a long time, so sometimes I wanted to masturbate. Even if I get cravings, I just remember the horror of a state I used to be in for so long. I'm doing great, and I'm never coming back.

@vizual This approach won't work for me, since I'm an agnostic for now.

@Gregory1 I'm 16 xD. Psychedelics will have to wait a bit.

@Yoremo Tried this already, didn't work.

@Breakingthewall Thanks.

[Dryas]

@Ivan D I see, good luck.

[Dryas]

15 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Not to be judgemental or anything, but isn't that too much? I mean, don't you feel drained or anything?

No, I think I've struck a good balance and I'd probably feel fine if I did more often (although its not very enjoyable if I do it too much). Maybe its different for you. Also, I've basically never tried nofap so I don't know what I'm missing out on.

[Ivan D]

I'm not sure what to think objectively about the theme of porn and masturbation. Leo never covered it.

Online, some people say it's okay, normal and even healthy. Then there are communities like NoFap who claim several benefits coming from semen retention.

I'd say it's okay, just don't overdo it. Everything's okay in moderation.

@Gnailco Well, if you're getting cravings , you know you're addicted and that's an issue you have to work on. Maybe you're not addicted, that's just normal sex drive. Did masturbation to porn cause you any negative emotions?

Anyways, if you're addicted like me, quitting porn is literally life transforming. If you think you're addicted, definitely check out the aforementioned book.