How to stay confident when you are competing with more attractive guys

[Ulax]

Its counter-intuitive, but I'd advise 'Metta (Loving-Kindness) meditation', and 'Body awareness' meditation.

Metta will mean that your psyche comes to see the world as more safe, other people as more understanding, and willing to appreciate. And your actions will carry a vibe that is more collaborative, than competitive, which I've found, though its been a limited experience for me, to make things way more easily. 

Body awareness meditation will ground you. By grounding, it basically means you'll be less concerned with other people's opinions. There's more to grounding than that, but that's what comes to mind for me now. By body awareness, I'd recommend body scan meditation. This is where you move your attention throughout all parts of your body over the period of the meditation.

Also, if you want to test it, next time your talking to someone, put your awareness in your body as you're talking to them. (or if you lose track of the convo, do it from time to time, during the convo).

I hear, and have somewhat experienced, the benefits of placing your attention whilst in convo in your calf muscles.

Good luck! And kudos for posting about this sort of thing, its a testament to your self-awareness.

[Nahm]

Beauty, like judgement is in the eye of the beholder. Outmatched is a concept, not a feeling. Believing it is a feeling is self defeating. 

[hoodrow trillson]

Be present.

Unless the tall, attractive guys are more present than you then it’s over for you 

[Karmadhi]

@Ulax Thank you, i will try. Appreciate the kind words.

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Becomming strong and fearless.

I have already done plenty of hard shit in my life though. But i do see your point

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Beauty, like judgement is in the eye of the beholder. Outmatched is a concept, not a feeling. Believing it is a feeling is self defeating

Well yes i agree but there is some objectivity to it though. If a guy looks like a male model i cannot compete with that. Simple.

18 minutes ago, hoodrow trillson said:

Be present.

I am present when i talk to girls, it is just in between that makes me feel bad. 

[Nahm]

10 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Well yes i agree but there is some objectivity to it though. If a guy looks like a male model i cannot compete with that. Simple.

That feel great, or more so, seem right, like accurate?

[Karmadhi]

@Nahm I did not understand your comment 

[tashadwoodfall]

Looks are not the most important thing to women at all. There are model like looking men with perfect bodies and a decent sized dick (they know how to use) that are also shallow and dumb as rocks and eventually a turn off or waste of time. Why does it matter anyway? If she's still talking to you, she must like you and if you're all that insecure, go explore other options and see how you feel over time.

[Karmadhi]

@Medhansh I have that also

@tashadwoodfall You just feel insecure i guess.

[flyingwhalee]

Respect yourself enough. You're betraying yourself by looking down at it. 

[Leo Gura]

You should be working on raising your value every day for the rest of your life. Pretty soon you will be in the top 1% of guys and you will be so unique and valuable, no one will be able to compete with you.

This is not for girls, this is for you. The girl just gets to feel the glow of your inherent awesomeness.

This is not about girls! This is about self-actualization!

Ground your confidence in self-actualization and self-realization. Put your nose to the grindstone. Other guys are irrelevant. Actualize yourself.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7HIyQaJN9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLsUnv50Hq4

 

[Bando]

On 12/26/2021 at 3:23 PM, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Competing for women is one of the stupidest shits you can do as a guy. You cannot really compare that with sports, doesn't really make sense. Humans are not a small tribe anymore, there's like 7,7 billion of us now, half of that are women.

Read my post again never said you should compete for women, thats pointless. When you feel physically capable as a man weather it be through sports or liting you will 100% percent feel more comfortable around other men or not think about "competition" when talking to women. 

[Roy]

You ARE that good looking guy

[Jacob Morres]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You should be working on raising your value every day for the rest of your life. Pretty soon you will be in the top 1% of guys and you will be so unique and valuable, no one will be able to compete with you.

This is not for girls, this is for you. The girl just gets to feel the glow of your inherent awesomeness.

This is not about girls! This is about self-actualization!

Ground your confidence in self-actualization and self-realization. Put your nose to the grindstone. Other guys are irrelevant. Actualize yourself.

?

[Raphael]

You can enjoy life by doing what you want and gain experiences. A lot of diverse experiences will develop you and make you so attractive that girls will become automatically attracted to you... Also... you will stop caring about good looking guys like me

Edited December 28, 2021 by Raphael

[Karmadhi]

@Leo GuraSome of the things i have been actively doing for the last 2 years or so.

Working out regularly

Meditation regularly for 15-20 mins every day

Watching your videos alongisde other channels that deal with self improvment from orange to yellow (too early for turquoise stuff)

Working on my studies aka towards my career

Trying to be social and talking to people, trying to go on dates, improving small talk and comfort on social situations etc

Developing my playfulness, flirting, sense of humour

Becoming more positive, understanding and non-judgmental

Letting go of anger or hatred.

Trying to improve my confidence, self-esteem and self love

Learning about things that interest me

Anything else i could add? Towards raising value.

Edited December 28, 2021 by Karmadhi

[flowboy]

@Karmadhi  The one who plays the competition game, loses.

If you perceive others as competing with you, 2 things could be going on:

1. The guy is actively trying to dominate and compete with you.
   This is easy to disarm if you're able to not get sucked in to that game yourself, but instead call him out on it.
   If he's trying something, that means he needs something. And that means there's a weakness you can expose.
   If he's actively trying to dominate and compete, he'll probably make a bunch of social errors, chimp behaviour that you can make fun of him for. For example you can pretend to admire him and get him to brag about himself, making him look unattractive and needy.
   Or if you feel like he's being physically dominant or vocally dominant, you can make a mockery of that in the same way, by pretending to admire it and seducing him to show off a bit, thereby he becomes the clown. ("You should be my body guard", "Omg you're so bulky we should totally arm wrestle", variations of that)
   Make sure to quickly turn attention back on the girl. You should be mostly ignoring the guy all together and just maintain eye contact with the girl, and only if he's rudely interrupting, should you employ a disarming tactic and quickly go back to ignoring.
   Basically framing yourself as a cool, socially intelligent person, and the other guy as a pathetic clown who is trying to show off his chimp score.
2. He's not actively trying to do anything, but you are feeling intimidated anyway.
   This is an inner game issue.
   Something is stopping you from shining your true greatness, because you have the illusion that this person has something you don't have.
   Shadow work could be a way to move through that. A simple 3-2-1 process could reveal a golden shadow.
   Finding this quality that you are jealous of or intimidated by, in yourself, and discovering how you had it all along.

All in all, if your attention is on the competition, you lose.

As long as you are able to keep attention on the interaction between you and the woman, and ignore all else, you are winning.

 

Edited December 29, 2021 by flowboy

[Breakingthewall]

@Karmadhi try to understand that it is not about competition, who is more handsome, or brilliant. it's about connecting. you have to go with your radar open, that is, contacting girls, until the connection occurs. You don't have to force it, just learn to be as yourself as possible, open up, eliminate any expectations, and let the magic happen. You don't want to win an award, be more than the boy next door, and take a girl who is not on your frequency. for what? so that they give you a medal? that is lowering yourself. you want magic. You want things to flow, and if it does, it doesn't matter if you have the most handsome guy in the world next to you.

[hyruga]

You can always be better at something than someone else. 

For example, he may be good at socialising but you can be helpful. 

You can also build up your appearance so you look neat and tidy. You can talk about something you are good at. No one is better at you in everything.

Take a deep breath. Chill and relax. Be a Man of God. 

 

[Karmadhi]

@hyruga Yes i have my strenghts for sure. But my strenghts are not related to me getting laid. Deep thinking, good understanding of reality for my age (im like 23), not being ideological or dogmatic, decent emotional mastery and high integrity and honesty (again for my age please dont compare me to gurus haha). These things are nice and shit but they do not get you laid ;(