How to stay confident when you are competing with more attractive guys

[Karmadhi]

Okay so i have noticed that whenever i am talking to a girl and another guy is also talking to her, either directly (same set) or indirectly (social circle stuff for example etc) and the guy is better looking than me i start to feel a bit outmatched. When it is just me and the girl talking i tend to block the idea that other people even exist but in general you will have multiple guys competing for the same girl, especially if the girl is somewhat decent. "This girl is being hit up by 3-4 other guys that look better than you, why should she choose you" is a thought i have sometimes when i am by myself reflecting. Basically i am intimidated by male competition. When it is just me and the girl, things are fine, i am quite confident and do my thing. When the idea that other guys are competing with me i tend to feel somewhat inferior and second doubt myself. Usually it is appearance that i feel insecure about because where i live most people are quite good looking (tall, blonde, good jaw etc) and i am more dark skinned, shorter (although muscular) and okayish decentish features but nothing crazy.

Sometimes i am also intimidated if the other guys have more charisma or are more dominant than me although where i live that is not usually the issue. So what do i do to feel more confident about this?

Should i just block the competition thoughts on my head 24/7 or? Any advice would be reccomended.

I know some of you will say to be funny, confident etc but most guys from what i have seen are like that. Especially humour, everyone has it. I have barely met any guys in my life without a sense of humour. It is very hard to differentiate yourself with just humour. Keep in mind i am naturally introverted and low energy person (although quite decent social skills, and very high social intelligence).

Edited December 26, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Preety_India]

Just imagine that those guys don't exist literallyyyyy

 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India I have yet to reach those level of awakening  

I will try to block it off my mind though!

[Karmadhi]

@Knowledge Hoarder I am not just talking about a club, i dont meet people there. I am talking in general, social circle, house parties etc.

[Emrie]

Better looking doesn't mean more attractive. Looks don't matter all that much. If you have strong inner game, you're confident, assertive, leading, and run really good game, girls will be more attracted to you.

[Preety_India]

You have to up your game. 

Your self confidence should be so high that you walk into the party thinking that you're the most attractive guy in it. You should not even think that other guys are anywhere better than you. 

You need psychopathic levels of confidence otherwise your insecurities of other men will take over. 

The more power you give to your insecurities, the more they grow. 

Instead think that you're the only male who is attractive and approach women in those parties with this mindset 

 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India @Emrie Okay i will try to think it in terms of me being more confident, funny and interesting than other guys even though that is probably not true. Deluding myself seems as the only solution. I tend to be very realistic and honest with myself so deluding myself like this is quite fake and annoying for me tbh.

I will try regardless.

 

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi actually yes, it does seem fake. 

But then there are lot of things where you have to compromise on your principles and values. Like survival? 

People have had to sacrifice their health just to survive. 

This is just a trick you're using. It's not such a big deal. 

Think about the things that people have to do just to survive. People have to play games to survive a job. Manipulation etc. 

So you're really having a cakewalk in comparison. 

 

[Bando]

How often do you compete with other men? Healthy competition between men is a great way to build self-esteem especially when around other competent people

The best thing ive ever done was competing in amatuer kickboxing matches and playing basketball both sports force you to evolve yourself so you can compete at a higher level. The confidence you get especially from winning bleeds into other areas of your life and you stop taking things seriously. You go into interactions with a "take it or leave it" attitude and the thought "she could find another guy" doesn't really pop in your mind.

[Karmadhi]

@Bando I hate competition, always have. To me the idea that happiness is derived by others doing worse than me makes me sick to my stomach. I prefer to do my own thing and improve on myself rather than try to outmatch others.@Preety_India Very good point, agreed.

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi also an interesting thing I observe about your posts is that you tend to sort of create a conundrum or paradox for yourself. 

I can give you an example. If I wanted to be a millionaire, I should be ready to put in the work that is needed to earn those millions. If I have to be honest and humble enough to admit that I cannot work that hard or do what it takes, then I should stop thinking/dreaming of becoming a millionaire and accept my current state of conditions and live a low budget life. 

It's almost like champagne taste on a beer budget, if you don't want compromises in life. 

On one hand you want what guys with infinite confidence end up getting - a high value woman. 

On the other hand, you aren't willing to cultivate that confidence because you find it unnecessary and fake. 

In that case since you wish to remain humble, you have to go with the tradeoff that comes with your territory, and accept the woman that you will win at your level of confidence, which might be an average woman or below average. 

You have to settle for what's given to you if you cannot do what higher goals demand of you. 

I have to settle for a humble life if a high value life means I have to compromise with my principles. And that's exactly what I did. I left a high paying Wall Street type of job (I was working as a financial analyst at the time for 2 months), because it meant I had to compromise on my core values and cheat people into investments because that's what my boss was doing. I resigned and quit the job because I didn't want to scam people out of their hard earned money. Now that guy who was the boss had fast cars and big homes and big toys because he did all this unethical stuff as a Financial broker. I didn't want to be a part of it. So I don't regret not having that kind of lifestyle because I at least have my principles, I get good sleep at night,because I didn't do what I fundamentally found unethical.. 

You want something you go get it. If it feels fake, then you do things that are not fake or insincere. Any outcome that occurs is a natural consequence of your actions and you will deserve it. You will have to settle for it because that's how the world works. 

 

[Preety_India]

Also my own experience in life, especially after watching my dad growing up working hard and being honest is this - 

Honesty doesn't pay except for your own conscience. Honesty and humility are good in books. In real life, psychopaths win (not saying that you should be a psychopath). 

But from my observation, a brutal part of living in society is that it rewards jerks (I also have a thread on this), and punishes morally good people. I have seen humble people being sacked and fired from their jobs and Dishonest jerks being rewarded because they bring in more profit at the expense of moral values. 

Are we surprised to see more psychopaths in society everyday? It's obvious with the way society positively rewards bad behavior, domination and greed and negatively rewards honesty, courage, integrity, compassion and humility. 

People who are humble and authentic are consistently dragged down whereas people who act like jerks get the bigger piece of cake. 

It's because society is fundamentally stage Red. We want it to be turquoise but that's just a pipedream. 

Maybe that's why all those yogis go live in the Himalayas because society is so sick. 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India I want to be high consciouss and get great results with girls at the same time

One should not compromise the other.

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi this is literally impossible. 

Like I said champagne taste on a beer budget is your problem. 

Dating in and of itself is a very low conscious activity. 

How can you expect of Purity of self while at the same time placing your hand in mud? 

You can't become a millionaire without a bit of manipulation. 

You can't get a woman without some manipulation.

Simply impossible. 

You want to play the game? Then you roll the dice. 

You can't win a game without playing it. 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India I know girls that are high consciouss that have great results with guys. It is not true that high consicousness needs to be sacrificed to date. I plan to do what you said regardless. Just the irony is that this will create a chain where some girl here will come crying about how some guy treated her like shit and manipulated her so he could get laid.

@Knowledge Hoarder I plan to.

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi for example, if I tried to look sexy to win a guy, would you call that fake? 

Lets say I always wore long baggy clothes that don't look sexy. 

And in order to win a guy, I began trying makeup and wearing sexy, would that be fake and insincere? 

I don't think so. If getting a guy meant that I have to do something unethical, then, no thanks, I wouldn't do it. 

But as long as I have to do something to impress a guy like looking sexy, even if I don't exactly feel like doing it, I might have to do it because men prefer it. 

Dating game is cruel. People have to do a lot to get a mate. 

Personally I wouldn't hesitate to pull out all stops to get a high value man if that's what I have to do. 

 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India I know girls that are high consciouss that have great results with guys. It is not true that high consicousness needs to be sacrificed to date. I plan to do what you said regardless. Just the irony is that this will create a chain where some girl here will come crying about how some guy treated her like shit and manipulated her so he could get laid.

@Knowledge Hoarder I plan to.

If you want high consciousness, then you shouldn't worry about competing with low conscious high confidence men. That's an irony. 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India Trying to look good is not fake. You are not delusional. I got nothing wrong with being confident and loving yourself as shit but if i go in a room and tell myself i am lets say the smartest guy when i am probably not then that is delusional. I am smart- Not delusional. I am the smartest here-Delusional.

Difference.

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If you want high consciousness, then you shouldn't worry about competing with low conscious high confidence men

To be honest confidence is not a big issue, i am as confident as most guys where i live. Issue is that they fit the "attractive" guy look more than me. Now if they got equally good personality and better looks, i start to feel bit bad.

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi if you keep trying with a lot of girls, maybe you will find someone who doesn't care so much about looks. 

I was always a bit insecure about my looks and I thought a guy wouldn't like me. 

But I got so many good looking guys to like me, Lmao. I was kinda surprised that I could actually attract men. 

 

 

[Karmadhi]

@Knowledge Hoarder Examples of internal ones?

@Preety_India I am doing that. Works okay but i live somewhere quite international rn so it is fine. If i have to move in a more local place then i will be surrounded by hot guys and ;(