Social exercises in college

[Noahsteelers34]

I recently attended a three day workshop from the fearless man in Miami. We did social exercises like 100 hi’s where you say hi to 100 people without skipping, then stopping people asking for time, once your comfortable you can ask “what is your favorite color”, then you can just go direct. The idea is you are desensitizing yourself. I’m I’m now at a college of 40k students and am worried that if I do these exercises I will build a bad reputation. Even forgetting all the exercises, I feel like approaching girls on campus could cause me to gain a bad reputation. I’m a freshman so I can’t really get into parties to game 

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I’m a freshman so I can’t really get into parties to game 

What? Of course you can. Nobody gives a shit at college. Unless it's a super tight knit quiet house party, you can practically waltz into anywhere you want and you'll hardily ever be questioned.

[Javfly33]

40K of students? What the fuck? That has to be heaven Lol, 20K of girls? Nah numbers can´t be right ?

[something_else]

7 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I feel like approaching girls on campus could cause me to gain a bad reputation

Oh it will if you do it badly. Don't do 'pickup' or 'approach' on campus during the day. Don't run any weird direct approaches or any of that shit, just try and have some casual small talk with people you meet and see where it goes. Keep it super tame

7 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I’m a freshman so I can’t really get into parties to game 

Lol in the UK it's the first years (our freshman equivalent) who party the hardest 

I suspect that you just don't have a social circle that gets you invited. The solution to that is to join as many different things as you can and go to bars and clubs until you have a social circle

And in bars and clubs you can approach girls and flirt like hell without damaging your reputation too much. You get a lot more leeway to fuck up your flirting in these places because everyone flirts and fucks it up in these places lol

[Noahsteelers34]

23 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

40K of students? What the fuck? That has to be heaven Lol, 20K of girls? Nah numbers can´t be right ?

Penn state university, it’s unreal 

6 hours ago, Roy said:

What? Of course you can. Nobody gives a shit at college. Unless it's a super tight knit quiet house party, you can practically waltz into anywhere you want and you'll hardily ever be questioned.

there are frat parties and I have a friend who gets me in sometimes. If your not part of the frat you have to bring a bunch of girls to get in and I don’t wanna join a frat. You definitely can’t just walk in unless it’s an apartment party. 

 

15 minutes ago, something_else said:

Oh it will if you do it badly. Don't do 'pickup' or 'approach' on campus during the day. Don't run any weird direct approaches or any of that shit, just try and have some casual small talk with people you meet and see where it goes. Keep it super tame

the problem is I must get over my anxiety, I have to go out and talk to random people  every day to get comfortable  I’m just trying to develop a strategy to do that. I need a way to have small talk with a bunch of people every day.  The other thing is I will only be here for 4 years and so the skills I gain are more important to me than reputation. At the end of the day if I have to develope a bad reputation to break my anxiety and become confident then that’s what I’ll do.  I never do anything too flashy though, like crazy directs I will tell a girl she’s cute and I wanted to meet her. 
 

Every day I go out and approach people and just try and be social. I do the 100 hi exercise and the first 15 are shit and it’s kinda weird, but the rest of them people just think I’m a cool social guy. If I’m going out doing this every day it’s only a matter of time before I say hi to the same person twice. 
 

[Noahsteelers34]

41 minutes ago, something_else said:

I suspect that you just don't have a social circle that gets you invited. The solution to that is to join as many different things as you can and go to bars and clubs until you have a social circle

I actually have a decent. social circle. I get invited sometimes just not enough to make a consistent thing out of it. 

[Globalcollective]

@Noahsteelers34 yeah as stated dont do any direct daygame approaches on campus just yet just try and be socail doing indirect openers. However at night you can go gun ho, I went to a uni with about 7k so would do nightgame as much as possible then traveled to big cities to do daygame

[aurum]

12 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I’m I’m now at a college of 40k students and am worried that if I do these exercises I will build a bad reputation

Of course. Those are drills, not something you should be doing all the time. You could maybe get away with it a bit, but there’s a limit.

12 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

Even forgetting all the exercises, I feel like approaching girls on campus could cause me to gain a bad reputation

Yes, you need to be intelligent about it. Be more social and less aggressive and direct. Focus more so on making friends. Set up cool things and invite girls you meet to them.

12 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I’m a freshman so I can’t really get into parties to game 

???

Freshmen go to parties all the time. If you have 40k kids then you’re probably at a major state university where freshmen will absolutely be partying.

If it’s really challenging and greek life is good where you’re at, join a fraternity. You’ll have an instant social circle and parties to go to. And you can invite girls you cold approach to those events.

[Noahsteelers34]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Of course. Those are drills, not something you should be doing all the time. You could maybe get away with it a bit, but there’s a limit.

The problem is I need a daily practice I can do every day to get comfortable meeting and talking to new people. And my fear is if I don’t have that I will not be social at all. To me even if I’m known as that guy, at least I will have grown 

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Yes, you need to be intelligent about it. Be more social and less aggressive and direct. Focus more so on making friends. Set up cool things and invite girls you meet to them.

So do you think if I just casually stop people and small talk, and casual say hi to random people all day, that that would be too much. I would try and make it natural but the bottom line is I must approach. I need a consistent daily practice of meeting people of some kind. 

[Nahm]

Do your best to re-frame that experience of desensitizing yourself, as having become more aware of just how sensitive you actually are.  Then notice the discordance in sensitivity isn’t worry for the reputation. It’s just the worrying which feels discordant. The reputation is a justification of the worry. But no justification of worry will ever feel as good as the absence of doubt & worry. No plan will ever solve it. The plan & the need are beyond the justifications. The plan of how to avoid, justifies and thus ensures, the worry. Likewise, anxiety & fear. 

[Noahsteelers34]

@Nahm If I’m correct then what your saying is I’m justifying my feeling of worry and anxiety through saying I’m worried about the reputation, when really I’m just worried. Are you saying I should get rid of this whole story of “I will be the weird approach guy, people will know, I will develope a reputation”. What exactly do you think my corse of action should be? Drop the excuses and approach anyways? 
 

and your saying I’d I make a plan to avoid a reputation, I’m almost creating the worry. If I didn’t even have the thought, it probably wouldn’t exsist 

Edited December 26, 2021 by Noahsteelers34

[Nahm]

The worry, doubt, fear and anxiety all tell you about what and how you’re thinkin. 

[Noahsteelers34]

@Nahm

The concept you brought up about seeing how sensitive I am is interesting.  My problem with it is how do I get rid of that sensitivity if I’m not desensitizing myself. And if you’d saying no plan will solve it I’m not really sure how I should go about it. On the one hand people tell me not approach on campus, on the other hand other mentors of mine tell me I’m just creating the problem and that I absolutely should and that my mind will always look for excuses. I guess I’m just internally torn. 

Edited December 26, 2021 by Noahsteelers34

[Nahm]

@Noahsteelers34

Why do you want to get rid of the sensitivity?

[Noahsteelers34]

@Nahm I want to get rid of the anxiety  fear and insecurity. I want the vulnerability. 

[Nahm]

@Noahsteelers34

When you acknowledge how you feel is directly related to what you’re thinking, you simultaneously realize this is true for everyone else. Then you aren’t as concerned about what other people are thinking about you, because you realize they’re feeling it. Not you. 

No longer believing the undesirable sensations are because of what they think, and considering you might be experiencing jealousy may feel just a bit better. Perhaps, you see that they aren’t as concerned about what you or others think, and desire to experience similarly. 

[Noahsteelers34]

32 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Noahsteelers34

considering you might be experiencing jealousy may feel just a bit better. Perhaps, you see that they aren’t as concerned about what you or others think, and desire to experience similarly. 

I for sure experience jealousy but I’m not sure I understand what you mean in this last part. Who do you mean by they? 

[Nahm]

5 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I for sure experience jealousy but I’m not sure I understand what you mean in this last part. Who do you mean by they?

(I’m worried about the reputation)

Whoever’s opinion(s) it is you’re worried about. Sounds like people at college. 

When there is the willingness to look and to see it is only your opinion that is discordant, there is some relief and clarity ensues. 

The same is true for desiring people think highly of you, as a means to feeling better. Doesn’t pan out. Only your opinion matters there too. Other people don’t have anything to do with it. It’s communion, between you and source, and the attention therein. (As in, attention on the thinking the discordant feeling is because of other people, vs  on the feeling is letting me know about what I’m thinkin). 

[aurum]

7 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

The problem is I need a daily practice I can do every day to get comfortable meeting and talking to new people. And my fear is if I don’t have that I will not be social at all. To me even if I’m known as that guy, at least I will have grown 

The way you get daily practice socializing is by socializing, not by doing crazy social anxiety drills though. Let that be your fear challenge. It’s more than enough.

Something simple: approach one girl everyday. Look for girls in your classes, girls in line for things you’re in line for, the library, the bus, etc. That should be plenty fear inducing.

If you want to still do crazy social anxiety drills, fine. But be smart about it. Maybe drive somewhere people don’t know you.

7 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

So do you think if I just casually stop people and small talk, and casual say hi to random people all day, that that would be too much. I would try and make it natural but the bottom line is I must approach. I need a consistent daily practice of meeting people of some kind. 

I wouldn’t do it all day. It’s fine to do it every once in a while. But your intention should be on doing real, solid approaches. Not just saying “hi” to people and running away. That should really only be a warm up. In a way, it can be weirder than striking up a real conversation.

Remember, the drills are drills for a reason. They are NOT good game and their end goal is NOT to get you to be like that all the time. Their purpose is just to loosen you up so then you can do real approaches and meet women with confidence. So don’t get hung up on the drills. They’re a means, not an end.

[Federico del pueblo]

On 26.12.2021 at 6:54 AM, Noahsteelers34 said:

I’m now at a college of 40k students and am worried that if I do these exercises I will build a bad reputation. Even forgetting all the exercises, I feel like approaching girls on campus could cause me to gain a bad reputation. 

I'd suggest that you completely think this issue through to get to the very bottom of what you're afraid of.

So what is it that's realistically gonna happen if you do these exercises on a 40k Campus?

What is gonna happen to you if you indeed do get a "bad reputation"? Is someone gonna walk up to you and spit you in the face?

Maybe there'll be people who've seen you do an approach, maybe you'll get a shit test from a girl like "oh are you that guy who talks to all the girls?". And then what?

Maybe some guy will say "yeah, he's that guy who approaches girls on the Campus".

I don't think it's gonna get much worse than that. I don't think you'll be on the local news or anything like that.

You don't have to do super crazy, sexual approaches.

The Dating coach Todd V said in some YouTube video that he approached many hundreds of girls on his college campus. He WAS known as "that guy". Sometimes girls confronted him about it (aka shit test) and that's it.

He once had a date with a girl who lived somewhere close to the campus. He rang the bell and the door opened, but it was not the date girl who opened the door, but one of her roommates. He saw the girl who opened the door and realized that she was a girl he had already slept with ? Then she brought him to his date haha.

So I don't think you're gonna get publicly humiliated by a mob of raging people, realistically you'll get called out on doing approaches every now and then, mostly by people who wish they had the balls to do the same.

And you still have the bars and clubs to practice approaching prior to doing it on campus.

Watch some YouTube prank channels like ThatWasEpic, there you'll see guys who approach girls on Campus all the time and they do things much worse than you'd ever have to do to meet girls.