How To Stay Motivated When The Opinions Of Others Does Not Matter

[Bookum]

So one of my big fears with this big step in having my well being be completely independent of the good or bad opiniond of others  is how to stay motivated to succeed when my motivation to succeed has always been driven by my desire to obtain affirmation and opproval of others.  

Without telling  to much of a back story I was raised by alcoholic parents.  So much so that my died at 50 due to cirrhosis if the liver.  

In spite of that I have become fairly successful in work, driven almost entirely by my desire to please people.  All the while creating the unhealthy environment that revolves around relying on others opinions to dictate your self worth.

I am now focused like a laser on living independent of the opinions of others.  

But, it begs the question how to replace the motivation.  Why even bother be concerned with your physical appearance or your success.  If you don't care of what others think k what is the motivation to succeed

[Bob84]

@Bookum Im a ex people pleaser. 

Sit down and think about where you want to be in 5 years. And dont limmit yourself with the millions of thouths about not being able to xyz. 

Your own wants will turn out to be much more motivational the you currently believe.

[Leo Gura]

@Bookum The real question is, how can you stay motivated if you're merely motivated to please others???

That's absurdity, not motivation.

Time for you to face to hard fact that all motivation is groundless. Contemplate this really deep.

[Bookum]

I want to make sure I understand.  Motivation is truly just a manufactured imaginary reason to do things.  

 

Choose what I want to do and be and just do it...  right???   No manufactured motivation needed. 

 

Am I on the right track?

[Bookum]

So thinking about it.  The whole concept of motivation seems like a crutch.  If you really truly want to do something no level of spiritual or emotional motivation will be needed.  But can provide an excuse (not being. Motivated)...  motivation shouldnt have to be created...  

 

Does that sound correct?

[Bob84]

Motivation is a construct of the mind. Some would call it a illusion, but that's a whole other subject.
So is not being motivated to do something. Or making up a million reasons why not to do something so you can just sit and watch series on Netflix.

It does sometimes help to look at the reasons behind the motivation. And being open to being brutally honest with yourself.
Sure the ego loves validation. But do you really need to keep up this delusion to be happy or can you see yourself to be happier without it? Of cause since that's probably the reason for your post.

Could we also say that this post is a request for validation?
I think yes, and there's nothing wrong with that, That's how our egos work. Im doing it right now as well, and pretending im not, doesn't bring me anything.

[Bookum]

This post is more of a "what do I do now"...  I have known for years that I am a people person and I have played at trying to resolve the issue of constantly searching for approval.  I watched Leo's video and it's the first time I understood the root.  Realizing that my current strategy is wrong I am having to re-look at a lot of areas in my life.  

I would "not" say this is a post for validation.  In the absence of the desire to obtain the approval of others.  What drives people to be successful.  I have to think that being a successful person and accomplishing "stuff" can be emotionally healthy.  I want good things for my family...  I have an autistic son that I have to provide for.  I can think of lots of reasons to be successful and do better.  

I  guessing this is a metamorphosis.   Which is why Leo suggests the mantra should be repeated for 5 minutes 90 days in a row. 

Also, I may also be using the wrong term since success is abstract and subjective.