Extracting things I want from everyday situations

[somegirl]

✅ I want to be famous.
I don't think it's because I was not loved. I was loved. I only have good memories from my childhood. 
I just feel so good when I receive positive attention. I feel so so good, I don't know what I can compare it to.

I just like how some high status people behave I think. They are special in some sense. They are famous for something, usually (I'm not talking looks, I'm talking talent). They have some inspiring energy that I want to radiate too.

Edited May 2, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

I got "fired" from this organization for not being active and productive enough.

The funny thing is... I actually wanted this to happen.

*I manifested this! 

I was talking to my mom about wanting to leave this organization because I'm so disappointed with everything, and then... Poof, it happened.

I am happy and relieved that I'm out of there. 
For the longest time I've been wanting to leave.

Now I can focus on things I actually love.

Edited May 2, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

I love Gigi Hadid style. Love love love.

✅ I want to create something that is inspired by her sense of fashion. Elegant style but with strong accents of color or pattern here and there. Creates perfect balance. It just goes together.

So chic. 

She also reminds me of myself. She also has chubby cheeks, doesn't have very prominent cheek bones. But is still beautiful and unique because she doesn't look like every other model with snached cheek bones. Boring.

Edited May 2, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

Omg...

This is amazing.

One guy just randomly came up to me as I was walking home (normal looking guy, my age), and asked me if I have ever been with a shy guy. I was taken aback so I asked "What is that question?" and laughed cause I needed to process what just happened. And then I answered "Not really" and he was like "Well this is your chance to be with one. Would you take me out for a coffee?". And I was like "ME take you out for a coffee?" implying that it's weird that I would want to take a guy who asked ME that question initially. And he quickly corrected himself by saying "Well I can take you out actually" and... Well, I said I was taken. lol 

God this never happened to me.

Well, it actually did once but this is like enxt level... I was literally just walking, I wasn't standing so he could saw a chance to approach me. I was walking very fast and (in my opinion) seemed like I was rushing.

But well, I'm grateful. He seemed like an okay guy, I sensed his energy and he didn't seem like he had bad intentions.

 

[somegirl]

I also had an amazing time in university today. I was having a practice actually. I just felt fulfilled after that. It's amazing.

It didn't even bother me that I was there longer than I should have been. I loved it. I also found one guy there pretty intriguing, he seems cool and has his own way of behaving and he just stands out. He's very interesting and cool actually.

I love loved everything that happened today.

I'm so grateful.

[somegirl]

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

Omg...

This is amazing.

One guy just randomly came up to me as I was walking home (normal looking guy, my age), and asked me if I have ever been with a shy guy. I was taken aback so I asked "What is that question?" and laughed cause I needed to process what just happened. And then I answered "Not really" and he was like "Well this is your chance to be with one. Would you take me out for a coffee?". And I was like "ME take you out for a coffee?" implying that it's weird that I would want to take a guy who asked ME that question initially. And he quickly corrected himself by saying "Well I can take you out actually" and... Well, I said I was taken. lol 

God this never happened to me.

Well, it actually did once but this is like enxt level... I was literally just walking, I wasn't standing so he could saw a chance to approach me. I was walking very fast and (in my opinion) seemed like I was rushing.

But well, I'm grateful. He seemed like an okay guy, I sensed his energy and he didn't seem like he had bad intentions.

 

This actually makes me believe my manifestation is coming soon.

Also, it tells me that I don't need to worry or doubt myself. Everything I want also wants me. Maybe more.

[somegirl]

I feel like there were no real changes, at least ones I wanted the most.

There were several "coincidences" (serendipity) but in the end of the day... Not something I would scream out loud with a smile on my face "This works exactly how I want it to!". 

Maybe I'm just negative. 

Maybe I'm just impatient.

Maybe I just don't have faith in the universe.

My ego is fragile. It's so vulnerable. Why am I like this.

I take everything so personally.

I don't want to anymore. It's so tiring. It's exhausting. I want to be different than how I already am. 

✅ I want to take life less seriously.

✅ I want to not take anything personally, because what people do is a reflection of them, not how I am.

✅ I want to be able to control my life more. The way it is now is so... Random. Not really THAT random, but... I want to have more control over it. It makes life interesting. 

✅ I want to be happy. I want my default mood to be happy. 

✅I want to heal my spirit and eliminate my limiting beliefs by etf tapping.

✅S thinks of me.

✅We were about to meet, soon.

 

I think I get seriously triggered when someone insinuates that I am stupid.

It triggers me because deep down I think I kinda am. This is freaking sad. 

I don't know where this belief came from. But I noticed it long time ago. I just get triggered, I start sweating, and my mood goes downhill. I start getting mad and want to prove them I am not stupid. This is ridiculous.

✅I want to change my limiting belief that I am stupid.

 

 

[somegirl]

This one guy, a bf of my close friend from university, is so so freaking similar to me.

The way he talks, thinks, mannerisms, the goodness of his heart, innocent, lack of hated in his heart... I think this is how I am too. Or how I seem to other people.

He is literally me in male form. It's interesting because I am looking at him and I'm thinking "So this is how others see me" 

At least this was how I used to be, but I'm slowly coming back to being this version of me.

Along the way, some things have happened that left me feeling hurt/bitter/filled with hate. I don't want to be like this and I think I have already written about it in this journal.

I'm slowly working on becoming a version of myself I would love to be.
I am already behaving AS IF I am already that person.

Just like S.

Full of positivity, lacks ability to hate (but also stands up for myself when needed), just love, pureness of heart... Radiating positive and light energy.

[somegirl]

✅ I want him to sjow me again that he's interested in me.

[somegirl]

I want to grasp this reality.

Find out how things function.

I want to be able to control my life and what happens in it a little more.

Otherwise I just feel unhappy. Like everything is so random. 

I find it frustrating when I see that I can't influence my life and reality. 

✅ I want universe to show me evidence that I can influence what happens to me. 

[somegirl]

✅ I want to be able to feel that anything I wish is possible in this life.

I really want this.

I want more control.

It doesn't feel too encouraging when I notice that things I want don't become tangible reality. It's like... I keep wanting things that don't happen. What's the point in me wanting things? Why is there even such thing in life when I don't see the results? To keep wanting them? I don't believe that's the case.

I mean, it's not like nothing I ever wanted didn't become reality but it's like... It's kinda random. I don't know how I do it. And I want to find out how I do it. How it functions. 

 

Edited May 14, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

I heard two guys talking about me when I passed by them. One of then said "So you like this girl who walked pass us?" 

?

[somegirl]

Well this was an absolutely horrible day. Feel so bad that I was behaving bad. Ironically, I actually set the intention that "This was gonna be the best day so far". And complete opposite happened. So... Is this all a hoax?

I am on my period and my stomach hurts all day, including right now as I'm writing. Absolutely horrible day. I don't usually (thank God) have these kind of period cramps, but this was something else... Felt like I was about to vomit at one point.

Felt grumpy and moody all day. All day. Felt tired, felt on edge to fight, was in pain... Was hungry... 

And it all escalated when I couldn't get my hunger satisfied. I came back home and ate food that didn't satisfy my hunger, and I let it all out on one person.

I feel horrible and emotional right now and I feel awful that I have to go outside my house tomorrow because I feel I am not safe around people, because I feel the way I feel. I am an absolute mess, inside and outside.

I need to apologize.

I just hate myself that I was behaving in a way I did. 

I made so much progress in that department only to go back to 0. 

I hope God and universe and this person forgive me. I am horrible.

I'm so emotional and grumpy because everything hurts. My stomach hurts and negative stuff go through my mind.

I hate it.

I hate that universe made girls go through this. It's fucking unfair. 

I don't want to be under influence of period. I was not under influence of it up until recently. i don't know what's happening to me.

I want this cramps to freaking stop. It's been one whole freaking day.

Edited May 19, 2022 by somegirl

[RendHeaven]

Nearly 2 years ago I made a journal entry expressing how I "hated" aspects of myself.

Forum user Flume/Maria reached out to me in PM gently showing me how I was basically reinforcing a fictional self-hate narrative.

I hope her words can give you some peace:

"How would you respond to your little sister telling you [I just hate myself that I was behaving in a way I did.] Obviously you would comfort her and uplift her. Why would you deserve any less?  (Maybe useful to question your judgments)

Love would always support you. Love is always here. Step into love."

[somegirl]

@RendHeaven
Thanks, though... it's so hard to forgive myself when I made a person who cares for me and tries so hard to make things good, feel like a punching bag. For making this person feel guilty when they try so hard to make everything right.

I should be ashamed of myself.

What an ugrateful idiot I am.

---

Now I also see why it's crucial to forgive people. I see why my ex wanted my forgiveness and how badly it feels when someone refuses to. May I forgive myself and everyone and may everyone forgive me.

[somegirl]

✅ I want a guy with amazing energy and aura around him. A guy who is social and makes friends with people easily, but know who his priority is (me). A guy who chooses me in a room full of people.

✅ I want a guy who is positive to be around. I feel delightful after an interaction with him. 

[somegirl]

✅Whoever I'm interested in wants to commit to me.

Edited May 22, 2022 by somegirl

[Kshantivadin]

On 5/2/2022 at 9:43 PM, somegirl said:

✅ I want to be famous.
I don't think it's because I was not loved. I was loved. I only have good memories from my childhood. 
I just feel so good when I receive positive attention. I feel so so good, I don't know what I can compare it to.

I just like how some high status people behave I think. They are special in some sense. They are famous for something, usually (I'm not talking looks, I'm talking talent). They have some inspiring energy that I want to radiate too.

so maybe you want the qualities for which famous people become famous and not fame itself.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Kshantivadin said:

so maybe you want the qualities for which famous people become famous and not fame itself.

I think I want both.

[somegirl]

The only thing that's holding me back from being with guys I want is because I actually do not think I am worthy of such people.