I forgot to post this one a while back, so I am posting it now.   Mushroom Trip Report 003 November 29th 2020   1.081g of Golden Teachers Shroom   I wanted to test out what 1 gram of golden teachers is like because I only know what the PE strain is like on one gram.
  I need to create a spreadsheet of all my trips   Soaked dat lemon tek for 20 mins   Taken at 2:54pm   There's probably a lot resistance and fear on this trip because last trip I had an ego death. But this one should be more positive.   Waiting for the floor to start moving lol Kinda late but whatever.    Intention: Get to the bottom of my limiting belief: "I can't focus" Intention: Using my journal, question my limiting belief around my ADHD and lack of focus. 13 min in Feeling brain activation.    18 min Noticing small amounts of movement in the floor that is definitely the signature shroom movement.   21 min Noticing the pigment in the hands. Not nearly as much as on other trips.   24 min I'm pretty sure my learning ability just increased. Because learning is just creativity.   26 min Feeling Sensitive. Like if I were to be scared I would die right now.   30 min Getting pretty high.   Really feel the emotional take over now.   It's okay, it was always okay. Emotions heightened.   35min The human hand is really weird. Very alien and foreign. But that's okay because I am that. Feeling of slight nausea. That's mushroom nausea feeling right now. Floor is moving.   Reality gets freaky, but I am the freaky. Reality is a great mystery that I must show myself for I am it.    The biggest lesson that I have to always tell myself is to surrender and not take myself so seriously. I get way too much anxiety that is created from me trying to be some intense motherfucker when really, it's okay I can relax. I guess that's my fear: the fear of relaxation and in becoming complacent.   42 min Basically in it.    Kind of funny, I feel weird cuz I think I feel all of my skin. Looking at the tapestry is Wild.   The peak is yet to come. But then I get to slide down a very fun slide. Feeling tired. It must be activating because of my yawning. I am yawning.   47 min Feeling like a creature. I am now answering my questions from my busting limiting beliefs worksheet.   Yup it's good shit.  You're going to love it. I didn't think it would be this potent. Oh my God Golden Teachers are teaching me what they're made of.   Yawning more. I feel so tired and fatigued. I also need to take the duct tape off the vent on the ceiling at some point. Sober me can you please do that? Thank you. >I did it while still high. 51 minutes.  My body is feeling heavy. My entire body is able to relax. There is that feeling in my chest that was like anxiety but now it's spread to the whole body and now it has transformed itself into tiredness and relaxation. Yeah I'm pretty much knocked out on this floor.  It is 54 minutes in and I've been lying on this floor because I'm so lazy.   It's so fucked to write on a piece of paper where all the letters are moving. That mushroom will keep on purging all that bullshit.  59 mins I think we're at the Mountaintop because I am so fucking tired there's so much yawning. >Peak incoming   1h 8 mins Just staring at this tapestry and it's so illuminating and beautiful. Lying down on the floor.  "Arts and crafts" while high is always funny >Had to fold some paper to get the tapestry back up, because it fell. Was reflecting back to a time when I had to put duct tape on my VR headset while on a potent dose of THC.   Time was created so we can explain why things change into other things.   1h 13 min I just peaked   1h 18 min Another peak   The best part is looking at something like a fractal while your vision blurs. You know you're peaking when your vision starts to blur.   I'm going to allow myself. To enjoy this.  Here is gone. How did that happen? Because I have finally emerged Enjoy this.     1h 56 min High. Yeah I do fear that I'll be seduced by the mushrooms and just become a druggie.  Just jerked off completely naked on my bed. Which is something I don't do often at all in my life, maybe two other times. We try to hide that part of reality so much.   2h 18 min I live in a dead world. The only things that are alive are the food that I eat. I need to trip in the middle of a forest what everything around me is alive.  I feel like Terence McKenna when he has his glasses on. Just accept yourself. I'm a nerd in my craft.    2 hours and 27 minutes in The reason why I'm scared of looking at my face in the mirror is because I fear that I will see something else, and that's seeing of something else is the death of my self-image that I hold. When really I didn't exist in the first place, and so Fear is the mechanism is that preserves the self. Anxiety is a mechanism that preserves the self. When really the self wasn't there in the first place. And then the shrooms SHOW that to you.   ADHD people can Focus just fine. They're just saying ADHD people can't focus because of the way they think, they think differently. >The ADHD brain is the holistic brain. We think like a Christmas tree. That's just a different perception of reality. So instead of focusing on one thing, you focus on one thing with a Christmas tree around it.   Existing is like being in a fish tank. Trapped. Confined to this one box.  >That was fucking weird to experience.   I am truly a curious creature. Gods perspective is all free and all loving.    Yeah you're trying to learn how to focus, but you got to enjoy the journey. And listen to some Bob Marley music while you're treading. Enjoy the struggle. Patience is just enjoying the moment. Enjoy that suffering. That is life. What you call suffering is just a duality that you make up in your mind.    This is the shroom talking: Reality is fucked. Whoopsie. Did I just fuck with your reality? Oops that's just reality!    To try and preserve this perfect moment is to not live in the moment. Trying to remember things, is to not live in the moment.    Whatever I fear is my ego trying to push fear forward because if I encounter the thing I feared than the ego would be destroyed. If I stare at my face while peaking on shrooms, my ego will be destroyed.   3 hours in Still high. Eyes very dilated.    Trying to remember something is to not live in the present.   Experiencing short-term memory, but in a different way than THC.    Shrooms: your ego is going to hate it, but your inner being is going to love it. It wouldn't be amazing otherwise. You need that duality to be there for it to work.    Imagine living your life as Bob Marley where you just make music and enjoy the moment, and that is your life. That is life. Your life IS the moment.   So much for getting to bed on time.   Shrooms are silly like green toes and toejam and farts. And it'll step on your silly plans with its dirty green feet.    >Then I find myself talking to my mom again, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and joking around. We are holding eachothers hands and such. We talk and just enjoy the moment.   >Later, dad makes an amazing plate of nachos and as a family we watch "Christmas with the Kranks" together.   5h43min Sobering up   6h52min Sobering up more.      Life is like a competition of who can be the most happy.   What I wrote in my Journal. ###START### Limiting Belief “I can't focus” It all started when I was a small boy diagnosed with ADHD at the same time I was diagnosed with asthma. Being several years on an ADHD medication does a toll on ya.   This negative belief came from my childhood after years of taking ADHD medication. Reinforcing a limiting belief that I cannot focus without my medication. Holding this belief protects me like a baby blanket because it protects me from taking responsibility of my life. The ADHD medication IS the baby blanket.   An alternative, equally valid interpretation of the facts is that I was already capable of this amount of focus that I desire. I was just given the medication to “behave”. I was always capable of Focus. Right from the start. Right from the start! Just look at other people that lived before me without ADHD medication. ADHD medication is only new to the last 100 years, not even that.   ADHD people before you were successful enough for you to be here today.   I was always capable of the amount of focus that I desire. I was always able to focus. That limiting belief doesn't exist.   It's okay, I love you. ###END###     One of the coolest takeaways from my journaling was this:    I was always capable of the focus I desired, I just was never given a chance to prove it to myself because I was given medication for so many years starting at such an early age. So it is through my actions now that I am showing myself that I have the ability to cultivate the focus that I desire.   Post report: The week following, I doubled my productivity from 3 hours a day to 6 hours of focused work per day.