Emotions part 1

[Preety_India]

 

Update 8 December 25

So i had a dream and I woke up and found myself sunk into the corner of the bed. 

The dream went like this 

There was someone who joined this forum. Some guy. It seems he kept changing his user name once every minute. His user names would be like - "the best user on this forum," "the worst loser on this forum," "the worst idiot on this forum," "the God on this forum"... He had very trollish names. When I clicked on his profile, I saw that he had posed along with his friend and they were both involved in some real life shit like hurting someone or some plot to hurt. 

 

Edited December 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The dream was pretty hilarious since I never saw anyone with that username on the forum. 

[Preety_India]

 

Update 9 December 25

 

Its not like I don't have female friends. I do. It's just that they aren't too narrow minded. 

I feel that whenever I have friendships with women, they tend to act like rivals. I'm done with that type of rivalry shit. I don't want a female friend who is making me feel like she is competing against me and constantly one-upping me instead of being a supportive friend. That's like passive aggression and I don't need that. 

I'm not too Keen about females who act competitive with me. No thanks. 

(by now I've almost read all the female games that women play with each other, if you don't get along with a woman, they will purposely be friends with her, it's something they do to my mom all the time. I always see her complaining about this.) 

Thanks one more time for putting me down lol 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Update 9 December 25

After all the collective experiences I've had with women growing up, especially in my university dorm days and then later in my neighborhood, it's enough to say that I don't wish to be friends with women anymore.

I experienced a lot of aggression from women in my university. They would constantly play all these games like a dick measuring contest. The typical mean high school girl behavior. Some of the girls had the tendency to do this. Gossip behind back. Back biting. Back stabbing. I can't say that I didn't engage in gossip myself. But I always did something either reluctantly (to fit into the group, a part of my people pleasing behavior), or I did it in a naive way which was being enabled by the group of women I was hanging out with. 

I saw that company you keep has a huge effect on your persona and psyche. One of the reasons why I disabled followers on my profile. It leads to being influenced the wrong way. People want to be friends with you. Yet as time passes by, they start drawing you into a mess that you don't want to be a part of. I saw this literally everywhere. It impacts your health. It's best to avoid anyone who enables this. 

The best example I can come up with is that of addiction. If you are addicted to something, it's best to avoid people who are addicted to the same thing. Why? Because they would enable your addiction and make it worse.. 

If I enter a female group and if they begin to  gossip, I tend to gossip as well. Instead of them discouraging this behavior, they enable it. 

How do you stop making it a part of your life? 

By exiting that group. 

I don't even remember how many times I have had to do this. 

If someone breaks your Boundaries whereas once or repeatedly, you simply walk away.. 

 

Edited December 25, 2021 by Preety_India
These updates are more or less like I'm writing an email to someone

[Preety_India]

 

Update 10 December 25

One of the things that I find strange is that I'm made to grow faster that I would prefer in most social situations. It's tough that way.

But all these experiences are cumulatively a good thing. They taught me so much and made me wiser beyond years. 

It's almost like I went through a process of metamorphosis. 

Like in snakes. The shedding of old skin and growth of new skin. 

Everytime I have a new awakening about reality, I turn into a completely different person, wiser and mature than before. 

 

 

Update 1 December 26 

 

The areas that I struggle with the most are social, emotional and family,health. 

These are some important categories and there is absolutely no compromise with these ones. 

 

Social - I suck at this big time. Social games and social politics is not my thing and I don't even want to excel at it. It has never led me to anything good. I have been most happy around authentic people. 

Emotional - my emotions have never been stable. A lot of it has to do with repressed and unprocessed trauma and I always believe in organic healing rather than trying out clinical medicine. I find the medical field to be rife with corruption. 

Family - my relationship with my mother is antagonistic. 

Health - I tend to neglect my health especially when my emotions are in a knot. 

 

Edited December 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Marcel Yea. 

My mom has a throat infection right now and it seems she passed it on to me. 

Cuzz my throat is acting funny since this past hour. 

I'm trying to smell the lavender talcum powder to test my sense of smell..#omicron fears. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

Yup. Social Games are just annoying and I can’t stand them. 

I tend to be very hermit like and distance myself from people, because I just don’t see any point in casual conversations or about mundane every day stuff. 

I enjoy solitude very much. It kinda crushed me over time in the beginning of my self-actualisation journey, because questioning reality and figuring yourself out and feeling lost at the same time can be a bit of a messy scary process hehe 

But nowadays it’s very enjoyable and now that I have you my wonderful birdy cupcake I feel whole and as if found my place in the universe. Lub Lub 

 

Totally agree with this. I like to be a hermit as well. Social games suck. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel hun there is no power in my house today and the charge is just 2%.

Hope you get my message. 

See you when the power comes back. 

No power since 3 hours now 

[Preety_India]

My basic health is in jeopardy. 

I need to first fix that. 

[Preety_India]

Planner 

• Check mom's phone if it's repaired 

[Preety_India]

 

Update 2 December 26 

Today is December 26..

Not a good day for me. There was no power half the time. But I arranged my bed. So a brownie point for that. 

I have mostly been sneezing and coughing because my mom had been coughing and she passed it on to me. 

My eyes are swollen and red and runny nose. Not a good feel. 

Recent entries

Edited December 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Update 3 December 26 

I drank cold juice right now. And I ended up making my sneezing worse. 

I'm so tired of eating stuff and not really feeling full. 

 

Recent entries

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Edited December 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Update 4 December 26 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Update 5 December 26 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel hun thank you so much. 

The power came back yesterday after a long time. 

And I'm still sneezing and runny nose. 

Thank you for helping me. 

I love you. 

Hun I'm not keeping well, I'm sorry. 

Maybe my responses and replies will be slower than usual. Sorry about that 

 

You have a great time. 

 

[Preety_India]

Men play overt games, women play covert haha. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India

@Marcel you have helped me so much hun

 

 

[Preety_India]

Update 2  December 27

What kind of interactions do I want/need? 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This is an open forum, a community, not a cult of favoritism. 

One thing I need to do is be as neutral as possible and expect the same neutrality in return.. 

[Preety_India]

So what kind of interactions and communications am I looking for? 

Every interaction is an exchange of energy. 

Interactions that are highly conscious, positive, uplifting, considerate, sensitive, matured, understanding, compassionate, logical and resonant.