Is it Turquoise or Enlightenement or Am I Going Insane?

[Nahm]

 

16 minutes ago, Raphael said:

“Is there also an inclination that things might not work out for you, as in might not go the way you’d like?”  

Also, at a moment the ego had thoughts about killing himself. It used mechanism such as:

• It's ok to kill myself
• It's ok to be nothing
• It's ok to die
• It's ok to accept death
• Etc.

That would be an inclination, or thoughts about things not working out for you.
That is pessimism.

(Ego is a thought. Ego is one, thought. There is not an ego which has thoughts.)

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, it is (imo) best to contact a specialist as soon as possible. 

 

16 minutes ago, Nahm said:

“Ever experience knowing you have stuff you want to do, and knowing & feeling you have the energy to do it, but yet not having the focus or inspiration and thus, not doing any of it?”

Yes, I experienced that a lot in my life.

Boredom is experienced now, or not at all, isn’t it so?

”A lot in my life” is a thought, yes?

 

13 minutes ago, Raphael said:

I feel like I didn't do a lot of things that I could have done…Or that I should have done

That is not a feeling, that is a thought, yes?

 

9 minutes ago, Raphael said:

I feel like I did everything wrongly in my life.

That is also not a feeling, but a thought, yes?

[Raphael]

1 minute ago, Nahm said:

That would be an inclination, or thoughts about things not working out for you.
That is pessimism.

(Ego is a thought. Ego is one, thought. There is not an ego which has thoughts.)

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, it is (imo) best to contact a specialist as soon as possible.

Yeah, I have been quite pessimistic many times in my life (I know this is a thought).

I don't have suicidal thoughts, they were extremely light thoughts. I'm stable even though I slept less than 4 hours this night just like previous days. I'm overall agitated as a lot of things are changing in my life.

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Boredom is experienced now, or not at all, isn’t it so?

I don't feel bored, I'm just sleep deprived.

9 minutes ago, Nahm said:

”A lot in my life” is a thought, yes?

That is not a feeling, that is a thought, yes?

THat is also not a feeling, but a thought, yes?

Yes, yes, and yes. But behind all thoughts there is a feeling <- and yes this is a thought too that is the same as feeling. Thought = Feeling.

[Nahm]

@Raphael

I’m not talking about concepts about your life, or anything that ever happened. I am talking about right now, and only right now. 

Do you understand this? 

[Raphael]

@Nahm  Yes.

[Nahm]

@Raphael

Right now the direct experience is of agitation. 
Right now there is no direct experience of a you, which is agitated.

Do you see this to be true, right now, of your direct experience? 

[Raphael]

@Nahm Yes.

[Nahm]

@Raphael

Right now, when you acknowledge that agitation leads to pessimistic thoughts, do you feel a very slight relief?  
The relief would be from sincerely acknowledging & expressing this.
That ‘expression’ could be literally as simple as, “yeah, it does, and yeah, I do experience pessimism / pessimistic thoughts”.
(Careful not to overthink expression. Keep it as simple, easy, and effortless as possible)

Put slightly differently, it feels better to experience pessimism (thoughts that some things might not work out) than it does to feel the more immediate bodily discord, of agitation… yes? 

 

[Raphael]

Yes, i'm agitated.

Yes, it feels great to feel.

[Raphael]

9 minutes ago, Nahm said:

That ‘expression’ could be literally as simple as, “yeah, it does, and yeah, I do experience pessimism / pessimistic thoughts”.
(Careful not to overthink expression. Keep it as simple, easy, and effortless as possible)

Because it's going to create more thoughts?

[Nahm]

2 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Because it's going to create more thoughts?

To keep it simple. 

6 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Yes, i'm agitated.

Yes, it feels great to feel.

Are you experiencing an I which is agitated? 
Can you point to this I somewhere in the room?

Or is there an experience of agitation? 

[Raphael]

@Nahm

Currently I feel like I'm just going to have my breakfast and go to bed again because I'm exhausted

I experience exhaustion.

[Nahm]

@Raphael

Sleep is best. ??