Is it Turquoise or Enlightenement or Am I Going Insane?

[Raphael]

I have been pretty agitated lately. Can someone who has experience help me understand what is happening?

[Fearless_Bum]

Hey, you'd have to be more specific as to what you're talking about, your post title doesn't seem too clear tbh. 

[Raphael]

Quote

• It's ok to be full of rage
• It's ok to be full of hate
• It's ok to be hateful
• I accept when I hate myself
• I accept if you hate me
• It's ok to be bitter
• It's ok to be angry
• It's ok to have resentment
• It's ok to be scared
• It's ok to feel fucked
• It's ok to be angry
• It's ok to feel that life is scary
• I recognize that I hate myself and I accept that I hate myself
• It's ok to be sad
• It's ok to be depressed
• It's ok to be angry
• It's ok to be bitchy
• It's ok to groan
• it's ok to be merciless
• it's ok to hate the world
• it's ok to hate humanity
• it's ok to hate myself
• i accept my hate
• it's ok to be cuthroat
• it's ok to be blunt
• it's ok to be resentful
• it's ok to be rough
• it's ok to be roughtless
• it's ok to hate
• it's ok to be sad
• it's ok to be depressed
• it's ok to hate myself
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok to be hitler
• it's ok to be trump
• it's ok to be a nazi
• it's ok to be a neo-nazi
• it's ok to be a kkk member
• it's ok to be racist
• it's ok to be sexist
• it's ok to be homophobic
• it's ok to hate the world
• it's ok to have racial preferences in dating
• it's ok to hate men
• it's ok to hate women
• it's ok to abuse people, i accept you if you abused someone
• it's ok if you have been abused
• it's ok if you have been raped
• it's ok if you have been tortured
• it's ok if you have been beaten
• it's ok if you have been beaten by your parents
• it's ok if you have been exploited by your parents
• it's ok to be a spoonfed kid
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to be ashamed of yourself
• it's ok to be a narcissist
• it's ok to be a violent
• it's ok if you beaten your wife
• it's ok if you killed your wife
• it's ok if you killed your husband
• it's ok if you tried to kill yourself
• it's ok if you are a criminal
• it's ok if you are a murderer
• it's ok if you are a sociopath
• it's ok if you killed someone
• it's ok if you are lost
• it's ok if you are confused
• it's ok if you don't know what to do in life
• it's ok if you feel disoriented
• it's ok if you are hungry
• it's ok if you are sad
• it's ok if you are young
• it's ok if you are old
• it's ok if you feel behind in life
• it's ok if you can't relate to anyone
• it's ok if you have social anxiety
• it's ok if you are anxious
• it's ok if you are shaking
• it's ok if you are breathing
• it's ok if you are shy
• it's ok if you are timid
• it's ok to feel inadequate
• it's ok to feel sad
• it's ok to hate explosions of rage
• it's ok to express your rage
• it's ok to express you hate
• it's ok to hate
• it's ok to feel dumb
• it's ok to feel lazy
• it's ok to feel incompetent
• it's ok to intelligent
• it's ok to be perceived as smart
• it's ok to have an ego
• it's ok to have a massive fucking ego
• it's ok to write your feelings
• it's ok to express your feelings
• it's ok to be honest with yourself
• it's ok to be honest with others
• it's ok to make mistakes
• it's ok to be vulnerable
• it's ok to feel weak
• it's ok to feel strong
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok to feel some contractions in the body
• it's ok to be intellectual
• it's ok to not be intellectual
• it's ok to be philosophical
• it's ok to be manual
• it's ok to be physical
• it's ok to be artistic
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok to be a man
• it's ok to be a woman
• it's ok to be racist
• it's ok to be xenophobic
• it's ok to hate white people
• it's ok to hate black people
• it's ok to hate indians
• it's ok to hate asians
• it's ok to be white
• it's ok to be black
• it's ok to be indian
• it's ok to be asian
• its ok to be mixed-race
• it's ok to be homosexual
• it's ok to be transexual
• it's ok to be pansexual
• it's ok to be a feminist
• it's ok to be anti-feminist
• it's ok to hate right wingers
• it's ok to hate left-wingers
• it's ok to hate centrists
• it's ok to be a right-winger
• it's ok to be a left-winger
• it's ok to be a centrist
• it's ok to have difficulties self-accepting
• it's ok to have difficulties accepting others
• it's ok to be good looking
• it's ok to be bad looking
• it's ok to be average looking
• it's ok to be ugly
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to love your body
• it's ok to have the body that you have
• it's ok to be skinny
• it's ok to be fat
• it's ok to be tall
• it's ok to be small
• it's ok to have a dark skin
• it's ok to have a light skin
• it's ok to have an handicap
• it's ok to be normal
• it's ok if one of your leg is missing
• it's ok if one of you arm is missing
• it's ok if you don't have any members
• it's ok to be muscular
• it's ok to be frail
• it's ok to be fragile
• it's ok to not fit society's standards in term of physical appearance
• it's ok to fit society's standards in terms of physical appearance
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to hate your body
• it's ok to not fit physically
• it's ok if your body is different than normal bodies
• it's ok to be average looking
• it's ok to rate women on a scale from 1 to 10
• it's ok to see men mostly as providers
• it's ok to want men only for money
• it's ok to have the body that you have
• it's ok to not fit masculine standards of attractiveness
• it's ok to not fit feminine standards of attractiveness
• it's ok to hate your body for not fitting masculine standards of attractiveness
• it's ok to hate your body for not fitting feminine standards of attractiveness
• it's ok to be an incel
• it's ok to be a femcel
• it's ok to see women only as things to fucking
• it's ok to be desperate for the love of a man
• it's ok to be desperate that a man will take care of you
• it's ok to need help
• it's ok to want others
• it's ok to have sexual desires
• it's ok to not have sexual desires
• it's ok to have normal sexual desires
• it's ok to have abnormal sexual desires
• it's ok to watch porn
• it's ok to be addicted to porn
• it's ok to use porn as a coping mechanism
• it's ok to use women as a coping mechanism
• it's ok to use men as a coping mechanism
• it's ok to have difficulties loving yourself
• it's ok to be needy for sex
• it's ok to be needy for an intimate relationship
• it's ok to be needy
• it's ok to be desperate
• it's ok to be desperate for love
• it's ok to be ashamed
• it's ok to have a mental disorder
• it's ok to have difficulties focusing
• it's ok to be mentally hill
• it's ok to have adhd
• it's ok to not be able to control yourself
• it's ok to break things
• it's ok to have emotional breakdowns
• it's ok to have emotional crisis
• it's ok if you hate me
• it's ok if you love me
• it's ok if you are confused about me
• it's ok if you don't know what to think about me
• it's ok to be honest with me
• it's ok to be lost in the mind
• it's ok to have racist intrusive thoughts
• it's ok to have hateful intrusive thoughts
• it's ok to have resentful thoughts
• it's ok to have difficulties controlling your thoughts
• it's ok if your mind if making you crazy
• it's ok to admit your difficulties
• it's ok to speak about your difficulties
• it's ok to be a virgin
• it's ok to be a virgin at 20
• it's ok to be a virgin at 21
• it's ok to be a virgin at 22
• it's ok to be a virgin at 23
• it's ok to be a virgin at 24
• it's ok to be a virgin at 25
• it's ok to be a virgin at 26
• it's ok to be a virgin at 27
• it's ok to be a virgin at 28
• it's ok to be a virgin at 29
• it's ok to be a virgin at 30
• it's ok to live your entire life as a virgin
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 18
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 19
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 12
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 13
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 14
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 15
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 16
• it's ok if you lost your virginity at 17
• it's ok if you have been raped as a kid
• it's ok if you have been sexually exploited
• it's ok if you sexually exploited someone
• it's ok if you raped a kid
• it's ok if you raped a woman
• it's ok if you raped a man
• it's ok if you don't know why you are doing what you are doing
• it's ok if you don't know why you are writing what you are writing
• it's ok to be intimidating
• it's ok to be vengeful
• it's ok if you are slow
• it's ok if you are fast
• it's ok if you have a perfect balance
• it's ok if you feel late in life
• it's ok to die
• it's ok to want to kill yourself
• it's ok to be suicidal
• it's ok to throw all your emotions out
• it's ok to hate me
• it's ok to love me
• it's ok to not understand anything about me
• it's ok to not know what to write
• it's ok to be doubtful
• it's ok to be hesitant
• it's ok to want to rush
• it's ok to have difficulties making decisions
• it's ok to have difficulties planing
• it's ok to have difficulties strategizing
• it's ok to have difficulties settings goals
• it's ok to have difficulties achieving goals
• it's ok to be goal oriented
• it's ok to not be goal oriented
• it's ok to want to be productive
• it's ok to beat yourself up
• it's ok to be afraid of not achieving
• it's ok to be conditioned by a societal ideal of success
• it's ok to fail creating success
• it's ok to make mistakes
• it's ok to backslide
• it's ok to have backslashes
• it's ok to be depressed
• it's ok to be sad
• it's ok to be bitchy
• it's ok to want love
• it's ok to be an emotional mess
• it's ok to be proactive
• it's ok to be an emotional sponge
• it's ok to absorb people's energy very quickly
• it's ok to hate being like that
• it's ok to be traumatized for nothing
• it's ok to be sensitive
• it's ok to be an emotional mess
• it's ok to read
• it's ok to take notes
• it's ok to be studious
• it's ok to not be studious
• it's ok to not be good at school
• it's ok to be good at school
• it's ok to seek excellence
• it's ok to be poor
• it's ok to be broke
• it's ok to be rich
• it's ok to be a millionaire
• it's ok to be a billionaire
• it's ok to exploit people via your business
• it's ok to be greedy
• it's ok to be proactive
• it's ok to complain about tiny little problems
• it's ok to complain about stupid human shit
• it's ok to not care about the poor
• it's ok to care about the poor
• it's ok to not care
• it's ok to care
• it's ok to be lazy
• it's ok to be incompetent
• it's ok to take note
• it's ok to re-read your notes
• it's ok to be integrated
• it's ok to be whole
• it's ok to be balanced
• it's ok to heal
• it's ok to make progress
• it's ok to deny your progress
• it's ok to deny your worth
• it's ok to not being able to see your worth
• it's ok to want to be perfect
• it's ok to feel imperfect
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to be normal
• it's ok to be part of the world
• it's ok to be part of society
• it's ok to be part of this forum
• it's ok to be raphael
• it's ok to be a kid
• it's ok to be weird
• it's ok to say random stupid things
• it's ok to speak nonsense
• it's ok to be homeless
• it's ok to not be welcoming
• it's ok to be welcoming
• it's ok to feel what you feel
• it's ok to be who you are
• it's ok to be conditioned by society
• it's ok to not be conditioned by society
• it's ok to be moderately conditioned by society
• it's ok to interract with society
• it's ok to be fake
• it's ok to have bad health
• it's ok to have good health
• it's ok to have moderate health
• it's ok to eat bad food
• it's ok to eat good food
• it's ok to pretend to be perfect but faking it
• it's ok to put a mask on your face
• it's ok to hide your insecurities
• it's ok to have insecurities
• it's ok to feel your insecurities
• it's ok to share your insecurities
• it's ok to be crazy
• it's ok to be mentally hill
• it's ok to feel strange
• it's ok to feel inferior
• it's ok to feel superior
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel above average
• it's ok to feel below average
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to hate yourself
• it's ok to not know what you are doing
• it's ok to be lost
• it's ok to be confused
• it's ok to making meaning improperly
• it's ok to make meaning properly
• it's ok if you think that there is a proper way to make meaning
• it's ok if you think that there is an improper way to make meaning
• it's ok if you don't know what meaning making mean
• it's ok if you see the limitations of meaning making
• it's ok if you can witness that you are making your meaning
• it's ok to live as pure awareness
• it's ok to be incredibly aware without having to put in that much work
• it's ok to be incredibly aware after having put an incredible amount of work
• it's ok to be ashamed of not doing the work
• it's ok to be ashamed of not succeeding
• it's ok to be ashamed of your failures
• it's ok to be afraid of not actualizing
• it's ok to be proud of self-actualizing
• it's ok to not be sleeping
• it's ok to have sleeping problems
• it's ok to have insomnia
• it's ok to have good sleep
• it's ok to need a lot of sleep
• it's ok to not need a lot of sleep
• it's ok to be needy
• it's ok to not be needy
• it's ok to have normal average needs
• it's ok to be girly
• it's ok to be macho
• it's ok to be done with this community
• it's ok to exhausts all your repressed emotions
• it's ok to have eating disorders
• it's ok to be antivax
• it's ok to be for the covid vaccine
• it's ok to be detached
• it's ok to be attached
• it's ok to break the duality between attachment and detachment
• it's ok to break all dualities
• it's ok to become whole
• it's ok to be fully integrated
• it's ok to not be able to believe what you are doing
• it's ok to not be understanding what you are doing
• it's ok to understand what you are doing
• it's ok to break the boundary between understanding / non understanding
• it's ok to live beyond the mind
• it's ok to live intuitively
• it's ok to be whole
• it's ok to not have any insecurities
• it's ok to understand where people are coming from
• it's ok to help people
• it's ok to help people understand themselves
• it's ok if people can't understand themselves
• it's ok if people think that they understand people but don't understand them
• it's ok to be racist
• it's ok to be xenophone
• it's ok to be hateful
• it's ok to be racist
• it's ok to be xenophobe
• it's ok to be hateful
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to be ashamed of being ok
• it's ok to be ashamed of being ok when the entire world isn't ok
• it's ok to be great
• it's ok to unleash your greatness
• it's ok to be afraid that the world cannot understand you
• it's ok to feel different
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel different
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel different
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel different and normal at the same time
• it's ok to break the boundary between normal and different
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok for being so neurotic
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to not be ok
• it's ok to have social anxiety
• it's ok to have social anxiety for being ok where others aren't ok
• it's ok to have social anxiety for being ok where otherrs aren't ok
• it's ok to have social anxiety for being ok where others aren't ok
• it's ok to have social anxiety for being ok where others aren't ok
• it's ok to have social anxiety for being ok where others aren't ok
• it's ok to have social anxiety for being ok where others aren't ok
• it's ok to have difficulties relating with people
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people insecurities
• it's ok having difficulties understand why people are so insecure about everything
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding why people are so insecure about men, about women, about their mom, about their dad, about their familities, about their animals, about their dogs, about their cats, about their rats, about their mouses, about their houses, about everything
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding why people are so insecure about everything
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people
• it's ok to have difficulties understanding people
• it's ok to be insecure about not having that much insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure about not having insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure about having the insecurity of not having insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure about having the insecurity of not having insecutiries
• it's ok to be secure about having the insecurity of not having insecurities
• it's ok to be secure about having the insecurity of not having insecurities
• it's ok to not have that much insecurities
• it's ok to not have that much insecurities
• it's ok to not have that much insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure of people who don't have that much insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure of people who don't have that much insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure of people who don't have that much insecurities
• it's ok to be insecure of people who don't have that much insecurities
• it's ok to not be afraid of failure
• it's ok to not be afraid of failure
• it's ok to not be afrid of success
• it's ok to not be afraid of success
• it's ok to love yourself
• it's ok to be free
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to be liberated
• it's ok to be ok
• it's ok to be liberated
• it's ok to be afraid of being liberated
• it's ok to be afraid of what people thinks of you if you are liberated
• it's ok to be free
• it's ok to not have any expectations from people
• it's ok to hate people
• it's ok to hate people for complicating life so much instead of living it
• it's ok to hate people
• it's ok to hate people
• it's ok to hate people for not living simply, minimalistically, gracefully
• it's ok to not understand people
• it's ok to not understand people
• it's ok to not understand why people have so many insecurities
• it's ok to not understand why people have so many insecurities
• it's ok to not understand why people have so many insecurities
• it's ok to not understand why you have so many insecurities
• it's ok to not understand why you have so many insecurities
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand why you created yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to understand yourself
• it's ok to understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself for not understanding yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself for not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to not understand yourself
• it's ok to start to grasp yourself
• it's ok to understand your true nature
• it's ok to not understand why you understand your true nature
• it's ok to not understand anything about yourself
• it's ok to not understand anything about yourself
• it's ok to not understand anything about yourself
• it's ok to be whole
• it's ok to be whole
• it's ok to be integrated
• it feels great to be whole
• it feels great to be integrated
• it feels great to be grounded in nothing
• it feels great to break the boundary between being ok and not being ok
• it feels great to break the boundary between understanding and not understanding
• it feels great to be grounded by not being grounded
• it feels great that things are becoming effortless
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• something doesn't feel great
• what doesn't feel great?
• the need to be normal
• the need to be normal doesn't feel great
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to feel enlightened
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal about being normal
• it's ok to not feel normal about being normal
• it's ok to not feel normal about not creating that much problems in life
• it's ok to not feel normal about not creating that much problems in life
• it's ok to not feel normal because you are creating problems by not having that many problems in life
• it's ok to not feel normal because you are creating problems by not having that much problems in life
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal it's ok to not feel normal
• it's ok to not feel normal for feeling normal
• it's ok to not feel normal for feeling normal
• it's ok to not feel normal for feeling normal
• it's ok to not feel normal for feeling normal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal
• it's ok to feel abnormal for being normal
• it's ok to feel abnormal for feeling so normal
• it's ok to feel abnormal for feeling so incredibly normal
• it's ok to feel abnormal for feeling so incredibly normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to break to boundary between normal and abnormal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to feel normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to be so normal
• it's ok to so normal
• it's ok to feel whole
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to feel so normal
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness whether it hides behind a feeling of inferiority or a feeling of superiority
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to get rid of this feeling of specialness
• it's ok to see your ego wanting to kill yourself
• it's ok to see your ego trying to come back
• it's ok ego, it's ok
• it's ok ego, it's ok
• it's ok ego, it's ok
• it's ok ego, it's ok
• it's ok ego, it's ok
• it's ok ego, it's ok
• it's ok to still have an ego
• it's ok to have an healthy ego
• it's ok to have an healthy ego
• it's ok to have an healthy ego
• it's ok to have an healthy ego
• it's ok to have an healthy ego
• it's ok to have an ego
• it's ok to have an ego
• it's ok to be whole
• it's ok to have an ego
• it's ok to interconnect the left brain and the right brain
• it's ok to interconnect the left brain and the right brain
• it's ok to interconnect the left brain and the right brain
• it's ok to interconnect the left brain and the right brain
• it's ok to have a perfectly symetrical brain
• it's ok to be ultra intelligent
• it's ok to be intelligence
• it's ok to be
• it's ok to unite understanding with non understanding
• it's ok to unite the left brain with the right brain
• it's ok to use the left brain
• it's ok to use the left brain
• it's ok to use the left brain
• it's ok to use the left brain
• it's ok to use the left brain
• it's ok to have an ultra sophisticated brain
• it's ok to be whole
• it's ok to be fully integrated
• it's ok to reach enlightenment
• it's ok to re-unite normaly with abnormalcy
• it's ok to re-unite understand with non-understanding
• it's ok to re-unite men and women
• it's ok to live both as a man and woman at the same time
• it's ok to feel crazy
• it's ok if the ego uses acceptance as a preservation mechanism
• it's ok if the ego accept itself
• it's ok if the the ego accept itself
• it's ok that the ego accept itself
• it's ok to have an ego and not have an ego at the same time
• it's ok to have an ego and not have an ego at the same time
• it's ok to re-unite ego with non ego
• it's ok to have a mental breakdown
• it's ok to have a mental breakdown
• it's ok to have nuances
• it's ok to live
• it's ok to have an ego
• it's ok to
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's ok
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's
• it's nothing
• it's everything
• it's everything
• it's everything
• it's everything
• it's everything
• it's everything
• it's crazy
• it's beautiful
• it's incredible
• it's joyful
• it's magnificient
• it's... i don't know how to describe what is happening
• i don't know what is happening
• i'm becoming fully integrated
• i'm becoming fully whole
• it feels very clear, very clean, very sharp
• it's the first time in my life that i have so much mental clarity
• i have a mind, i can use it, it is very powerful
• i have a mind, i can use it, it is very powerful
• i have a mind, i can use it, it is very powerful
• i have a mind, i can use it, it is very powerful
• this is ok
• i can do everything
• i am infinite
• i am god
• raphael is necessary
• raphael exists
• raphael is needed
• it's ok raphael, you exists, it's ok
• it's ok raphael, you exists, you have the right to exists
• it's ok raphael, you exists, you have the right to exist, you have the right to live as a human being
• you have the right to enjoy life
• you have the right to be human
• you have the right to be human
• you can exist
• you have the right to be human, you exist
• you have the right to exist
• you have the right to exist
• you have the right to live
• you can live life fully, enjoy it fully
• live, live, live life
• you exist raphael and this is ok to exist. your life is important, live it fully, deeply, honor it, make the maximum out of it, help others, share with others, share with others, spend time with others, share with others, help others

 

[Raphael]

@Fearless_Bum Here we go.

[Fearless_Bum]

@Raphael 

Has this helped you at all? All these questions and affirmations you repeat? 

[Raphael]

No, they aren't questions nor affirmations. I just felt a lot of emotional baggage and I decided to release everything.

I currently feel that my brain is much more "solid" and "united" than before and I also feel some sensations in the left-side of my brain.

Edited December 22, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

@Raphael I decided to bring full acceptance to myself. I felt a lot of energy coming from my stomach and then moving up to my head, moving through the left and right side, and then trying to unite both together.

[Fearless_Bum]

Releasing the emotional baggage is great. 

You're doing great ?. 

You don't need one of us monkeys to tell you if you're crazy or turquoise or enlightened, our opinions don't matter. ? 

[Raphael]

@Leo Gura @Nahm @Etherial Cat

I would like your opinions here, please

3 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

Our opinions don't matter. ? 

I feel like this can be a classic trap or maybe something that I will be able to understand later.

[Fearless_Bum]

@Raphael you've already got it man, the thinking that eventually you'll get to some understanding later is what's causing the suffering right now. 

But you'll get it eventually . 

Or drop it now, drop all models, drop "eventually I'll understand." . 

Awakening is not getting something, it's more resting back into what you've always been. 

[Preety_India]

You're burning through a lot of baggage. You're going through mini awakenings. I like such awakenings which are short spurts and outbursts of massive growth through a series of insights and breakthroughs via contemplations. 

I encourage you to keep doing it. My journey was similar. 

I did all this 2 years ago. It's satisfying. 

 

[Nahm]

@Raphael

Oh yes it matters very much, very important. 
Nope, doesn’t matter at all really. 

[Raphael]

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Raphael

Oh yes it matters very much, very important. 
Nope, doesn’t matter at all really. 

What is your opinion in this case? Is it your opinion?

Edited December 23, 2021 by Raphael

[Nahm]

@Raphael

My opinion is agitation doesn’t have anything to do with spiral dynamics, enlightenment or insanity, but only understanding your actual experience.

Is there also an inclination that things might not work out for you, as in might not go the way you’d like?  

[Raphael]

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Is there also an inclination that things might not work out for you, as in might not go the way you’d like?  

No... or maybe just a bit...

The thing is that I always tried to be perfect by pretending to be a perfect saint who love everything, who never have any emotional reaction, who fit perfectly all people's standards and is never triggered by anything where I wasn't. I just felt the desire to actually accept all of reality this time instead of pretending to accept it.

I wrote this in my journal:

Quote

I just wanted to bring radical/existential acceptance to:

1. Everything that I deny about me
2. Everything that triggers me in the world

I don't know if it makes sense but I felt the need to accept all of existence. I didn't expected to do that, I didn't plan to do that, I just started to do that intuitively this week.

I wanted to be like a perfect accepting saint who accept everyone where I wasn't so this time I'm actually doing it by accepting all of reality.

 

[Nahm]

10 minutes ago, Raphael said:

No... or maybe just a bit...

Ever experience knowing you have stuff you want to do, and knowing & feeling you have the energy to do it, but yet not having the focus or inspiration and thus, not doing any of it?

[Raphael]

@Nahm

Also, at a moment the ego had thoughts about killing himself. It used mechanism such as:

• It's ok to kill myself
• It's ok to be nothing
• It's ok to die
• It's ok to accept death
• Etc.

[Raphael]

1 minute ago, Nahm said:

Ever experience knowing you have stuff you want to do, and knowing & feeling you have the energy to do it, but yet not having the focus or inspiration and thus, not doing any of it?

Yes, I experienced that a lot in my life. I feel like I didn't do a lot of things that I could have done.

[Raphael]

1 minute ago, Raphael said:

I feel like I didn't do a lot of things that I could have done.

Or that I should have done.

[Raphael]

@Nahm I feel like I did everything wrongly in my life.