Today I realized I am home - Little peaks of hope

[Nadosa]

Slowly getting back. Yeah I am crazy. Yeah I might experience insane thoughts. But that didnt hold me back doing thinks I want. Dated a girl today. Felt good. Thoughts still go whirlwind. 

[Nadosa]

#Day 14 Fully embracing what is, the craziness, as well as the insanity

What shall I say, it's just immeasurable what meditation and being with what is can do. I feel grounded again. Of course there are thoughts coming and going, they feel like they were part of someone who isn't there anymore. Of course I am a misfit, because I see that thoughts just arise, but are not for the person. I always believed I was crazy: Am I not bypassing when I just say there is no "me"? What if this all wrong?

But how can one bypass anything if he is with whatever arises? That is not possible. You just go in it and see you were never in it but you were everything, but in essence consciousness, whatever it is, I cant name it, and it still feels absolutely crazy that I made it somehow out of this hell realm.

This was one of the most fucked up Dark Nights of the Soul. 

Edited January 9, 2022 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

Things got kinda messy just after a bit of relief. The fear of facing everything definitely got stronger again. Sometimes I feel like Truth is not for me. That is beyond understanding. I just cant lay the past to rest as I wish.

Edited January 11, 2022 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

Quotes of the day: “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.”

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve been knocking from the inside"

The most freeing thing is seeing there is only you being responsible for you. How could there be anyone other than you in your direct experience? When the suffering reaches a peak, you can turn it around seeing, wow this is MY reality, i can simply be at peace with being insane. Lol. 

+ Feeling. Feeling seems to be the anchor for me now. Ultimate guidance.

Edited January 12, 2022 by Nadosa

[Alex_R]

On 12/22/2021 at 7:00 PM, Nadosa said:

They would maybe stop the constant thought stream.

You will need to surrender to the fact that life is suffering and get rid of your Neurosis or negatives thought streams may be not possible if you are not enlightened

 

That is the ultimate Meta approach and doing this you will encounter the infinite love and pure happiness of reality itself, absolute love for reality as it is and not in another way.

[Nadosa]

6 hours ago, Alex_R said:

You will need to surrender to the fact that life is suffering and get rid of your Neurosis or negatives thought streams may be not possible if you are not enlightened

 

That is the ultimate Meta approach and doing this you will encounter the infinite love and pure happiness of reality itself, absolute love for reality as it is and not in another way.

Why would anyone believe that? It assumes firstly a "getting rid of" and "neurosis" of a separate self and an Enlightenment of a separate self. 

I stick to guidance by feeling.

Edited January 12, 2022 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

#Day18: Radical dissolution

Meditation gives rise to a radical dissolution of delusion and above all the belief in a separate I meditating. 

How the hell I managed to sit through, it wasn't I? I dont know WHO sat through. It just IS. And it was radically embracing what is + hardcore loving every inch of suicidal narratives or narratives of insanity. It is totally strange. Of course, maybe there are some hidden mental scars that popped up too and it's not likely for everyone to have such sick narratives like I do. If there even are others lol. Then these narratives à la "I cant do this, I go crazy, what will I be after that". No after that. It just is always as it is.

What's left is nothing. Just oneness. Just Love. Everything is Love.

Let's continue.

But it's just different for everyone. Everyone is responsible to realize their responsibility for their well-being. Or remembrance of being.

 

Edited January 13, 2022 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

Hey guys,

I wanted to let you know that I feel a dozen times better than ever. I dont know what it is that guides, it's essentially just choosing thoughts that feel good to me. I dont have to focus on bad feeling thoughts. And this is what guides me through everyday with a goddamn smile. With that understanding I can totally be with whatever comes. Seeing that there are not two is absolutely liberating. Because it is just the most verifiable "thing" in direct experience.

Srsly this is the song Im jamming all day long at the moment. Just fits perfectly (of course it doesnt imply nonduality directly)?

https://youtu.be/jUjDcqdvCrk?t=1m01s

Edited January 17, 2022 by Nadosa

[Windappreciator]

i love it

[Cathal]

glad you decided to make your journey visible for everyone

[Nadosa]

I didnt decide lol. <3 

[Nadosa]

https://youtu.be/aJHrnxvwY98?t=18

Wish you all a great day <3

Edited January 19, 2022 by Nadosa

[Nadosa]

This bliss! Meditation guys, meditation! Meditation = non-doing = you + thoughts = only you = eternal peace.

Have a great day!