Share Your Childhood Vows Here!

[Peace and Love]

Hi Actualized.org Family!

I thought it would be great if we had a safe LOVING place to talk about our childhood vows (destructive or negative habits, behaviors, and beliefs). And what we are doing now to fix them (which includes creating new positive vows or affirmations to lead us towards success.  These new vows will replace the old negative destructive ones).   We all need and deserve LOVE and SUPPORT.

Let me further explain.  We have two parts to our mind: Our conscious mind and our subconscious mind.  Our conscious mind is 10% of our brain and comprises of our logic, decision making and will power.  And our subconscious mind makes up 90% of our brain and comprises of our habits, behaviors and beliefs.  Thus you can see that we are what we believe ourselves to be.   That is why so many people struggle and can't complete or achieve  their goals and life purpose.  They have an emotional blockage.  They have a belief that is ingrained within their subconscious mind that prevents them from moving forward.  But....If you change your beliefs and your vows...you can change your actions...and your actions will lead to success.

When we have negative vows or beliefs they can lead to destructive habits and behaviors such as smoking, drinking, over eating, etc.  And we use them as coping mechanisms rather than dealing with the issues at hand. Sometimes negative beliefs or vows can lead to phobias and extreme fears.  Other times our negative vows can lead us to believe that we have no self worth or a low self esteem which in turn causes us to attract abusive relationships whether romantic, friendship or business. 

Let us come together with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and SUPPORT.  Let us come together with NON-JUDGEMENTAL eyes and ears as we all progress on our journey to spiritual enlightenment and unity. 



 

[Peace and Love]

OK I'll start first with some VERY destructive childhood vows that I've created and the extreme damage it has caused me.  I don't regret anything that I've done since it has really helped me progress spiritually.  I've learned so much on my life journey.   

When I was 6 years old my dad started becoming verbally and physically abusive to me.  I was in kindergarten and they discovered that I had some type of learning disability.  (I suspect that it was Asperger's Syndrome, high functioning autism) My parents never actively pursued it nor was I placed in special education but it led to my dad calling me "stupid" and a "dumb ass."  So I really started to believe that I was worthless and I was not good enough.  <===  my childhood vow.  

My mom gave me a contradicting belief completely the opposite of my dad telling me that "I was practically perfect in every way" <=== another childhood vow which caused me to become a perfectionist.  Which lead me to perfect everything I was doing so I would be deserving enough of love.

This escalated as I grew older and I started distancing myself from my dad.  I pretty much rejected him as my father and started looking else where for masculine and fatherly companionship.   This led to very abusive dating relationships.  My last relationship was in college where I dated my bf for four years and broke up with him because of his verbally and sexually abusive tendencies. 

As you can see we create patterns and we learn things from our parents.  We learn how we should be treated, whether that is right or wrong.  I learned that I should be treated with low self worth, and abuse.  I accepted that belief because I didn't know there was anything better, nor did I know how to differentiate or to tell between someone that would be abusive or not.   My ex used to tell me I was a terrible girlfriend for no apparent reason, and he used to yell and go into rages of anger.  I ended up filing a 6 month restraining order and moving away just so I could be safe.  He stalked me and left me long phone messages and emails begging me to come back.  I haven't dated anyone since in a long term relationship.  It has now been 9 years.  I created a new belief/ childhood vow when I was 24 that there was no good men out there to date, and they only wanted me for sex.

It's amazing how far the rabbit hole goes.  I started to dig deeper into the destructive vows I've made since I watched Leo's video last week.  I made a new discovery and I broke down in tears on New Years Eve.  The childhood vow that I made when I was six years old even effected my lifestyle and my career choices.

When I was very young I got very heavily involved in video games.  The video games became a literal addiction and I used them to cope with every day life.  Because I had low self worth I was often picked on and bullied at school so I would bury my sorrows into video games to keep me sane and happy. It even kept me from thinking about suicide when I was 13 years old.  Final Fantasy 7 was literally my life in junior high..... After I graduated high school I decided to go to college to study video game design.  I thought it would be a fun career, plus I thought it would be cool to help other people escape like I did by creating them.  But deep down I also used this video game career so I could attract love and relationships.  It was a very male dominated career, where I was often the only girl in my class. I wanted to feel loved, I wanted someone to like me.  But it didn't work because I didn't believe that about myself.  I over looked the guys that were good matches and were interested and instead attracted the abusive bf.

After I graduated from art school and studied video games, unfortunately it was around the time the economy crashed in 2008.  Game Companies were completely shutting down and going out of business and many were not hiring. I couldn't get a job and I looked everywhere.  I couldn't even get a normal job at a grocery store! The employment opportunities was just so slim and non existent.  I should have gone home to live with my parents at that point, but I was afraid to go home, and I wanted to stay as far away from my dad as possible so, I got involved in adult entertainment.  I thought it would be fun to have beauty and all this attention, but it left me feeling even more empty inside and attracting even more abusive relationships.  I ended up living with two room mates that took complete advantage of me financially. They were also verbally abusive.  I was so stuck financially that I couldn't leave.  They had me paying all of the bills in replacement for their help in getting me into adult entertainment.  It was horrible.  In December of 2014 I finally had a huge mental breakdown in conjunction with being drugged at the bar I was dancing at.  I ended up in the hospital for over a week and finally came home to be with my parents and started my life over.  I went back to school to become a hypnotist,  reiki practitioner, and a life coach.

My dad also passed away in October, 2016.  I got to reconcile to some extent with him, but I also felt a lot of emotional freedom because of his passing.  I forgave him for what he did, and I Love and miss him so very much. A friend of mine that happens to be a spiritual medium told me that my dad was Bi-polar.  I also went to see my guidance counselor and she confirmed that my dad definitely showed signs of being Bi-polar so it was very possible and very likely that he was.   This gave me a lot of closure because I knew it wasn't all his fault. I also thought about the way he was raised, and how my grandfather treated my dad.  My grandfather was also abusive and played favorites.   My dad was never good enough for him, making him also a perfectionist. My dad not knowing any better just passed on the same pattern of destruction and what he knew to me.  Knowing this made me feel a lot better, and really escalated my healing and personal growth.  

I've started creating some new affirmations to replace these old destructive childhood vows.  I really like the one that Leo talks about in one of his videos..."Not giving a shit what other people think of you".  
His Affirmation:  I am completely independent of the good and bad opinions of others.  This is great for my perfectionist attitude that I created.  A new healthy vow to replace the old one.

I found one for creating new loving relationships and to deal with my self worth: Love is everywhere, and I am loving, and lovable.   Everyone deserves a healthy and happy relationship, no matter what they have been through.  We all deserve LOVE.






 

[ajasatya]

my childhood vow:

Quote

life is miserable and i'll be sad forever.

 

[Peace and Love]

@ajasatya

25 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

my childhood vow:

life is miserable and i'll be sad forever.

Now that you know the TRUTH, what are you going to replace that vow with?  What new positive affirmation can be put there instead?  What actions are you taking NOW to change this child hood vow so you can experience SUCCESS?

Hmm....let me list a few ideas.....

Every day and in every way, I am getting better and better.

Here are a few from my favorite author Louise Hay.  She has this really cool "I Can DO IT"  daily affirmations calendar.  I'm pulling a few from there...

-Here I am, world-open and receptive to all the wonderful things that Life has to offer!

-I focus on being positive because the thoughts I think and the words I speak create my experiences.

-I no longer criticize anyone - not even myself. I give out only positive vibes

 

[JKG]

1. I need to prevent my father from becoming angry
2. I need to prevent other people from offending me in some way because I am emotionally weak
3. I will not show my true emotions but need to hide them

[Key Elements]

I used to think that there was only "one" way of becoming "successful" in anything due to what others say. Well, not anymore.

@Peace and Love

Thank you for sharing. I would like to say something here. If one could realize that the past is already non-existent, it helps a great deal. The past only exist as lessons. The gift that we have is the present. We could write our story however we want, and it's the journey that counts.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Key Elements

[ajasatya]

7 hours ago, Peace and Love said:

@ajasatya

Now that you know the TRUTH, what are you going to replace that vow with?  What new positive affirmation can be put there instead?  What actions are you taking NOW to change this child hood vow so you can experience SUCCESS?

during my healing process i used the following phrase right after i'd wake up  everyday:

Quote

today nobody's going to take away any piece of me

but nowadays i just feel peace of life and i'm very grateful for whatever comes around without attaching meaning to it.

[Acharya]

Mine was "If I start some task I MUST finish it, otherwise I'll be miserable".

Still working on it.

[askdfjnak]

"No point getting close to anyone because everybody lies and cheats, even lovable people"

"No point sharing my opinions, everybody is stupid"

"Nobody knows what they are doing, don't  listen to them / take their advice"

Edited January 3, 2017 by Marc Schinkel

[Acharya]

15 minutes ago, Marc Schinkel said:

"No point sharing my opinions, everybody is stupid"

I forget about that! It was a huge one.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Acharya

[Peace and Love]

This is great guys!!  @Acharya @Marc Schinkel @Acharya @ajasatya @ajasatya @Key Elements @quantum

Knowing the problem exists is half the battle.  Now you have something perfect to work for your New Years Resolution!

[gj28210]

Avoid rejection by being silent and doing little.

Avoid the anger of others by always agreeing and obeying.

Stay safe in a hostile world by taking no risks; hiding and fleeing.

[gj28210]

And a worldview of mine:  if I do not belong to a group then I am not worthy. 

[Loreena]

Mine - if yesterday was a bad day then today would be same. 

If someone gets angry and blames me it is somehow my fault. 

@gj28210  You're welcome sir