Can anyone be my intimate friend and therapist?

[Preety_India]

Can anyone be my intimate friend and therapist. I mean not exactly like a therapist but more like a helper/guide or listener? (I know this sounds entitled and I'm sorry about that). 

Just someone I can share things with and someone who can understand me and not break my trust in any way? 

I want to be able to share deep personal information and I need someone who won't break my trust. I need a shoulder to cry. 

I am going through a tough time and I'm feeling traumatized. 

I can't afford therapy and I never properly open up to therapists. They usually put me off due to lack of intimacy. 

 

I want some sort of intimacy like a true friend. 

I don't want someone who simply wants to be like an official person. I want to feel free and intimate not like an official/formal conversation. 

Someone who has enough time to spend with me. 

I like long conversations depending on my mood. 

I know this sounds very entitled of me but I have to do what my body/mind craves for without feeling shame.. 

I'll either need video call, audio call or text sharing depending on context. 

Please leave your mention here in this thread if you are genuinely interested in helping. And then I can give you my contact information. 

I am looking for long term friendship. 

P. S - I'm not an emotionally stable person. So deal with me  at your own risk

Please don't move this topic to Serious Emotional Issues. There I don't get enough help or responses. 

 

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I can also be a bit argumentative. But no need to stress. I usually try to come to peace as the argument proceeds. I have highs and lows of agitation. 

Arguments are a way for me to figure out and understand things clearer and deeper. 

Also I'm temperamentally a bit defensive kind of person.. 

Maybe you can use me as a case study if you are into psychology and stuff (I'm going to be pursuing psychology sooner or later next year) 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I need someone who knows how to calm me down. 

 

And also someone who has some experience with trauma. Since I'm a trauma patient. I suffer PTSD. 

Please don't move this topic to Serious Emotional Issues. There I don't get enough help or responses. 

 

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by Preety_India

[Yali]

I'm willing to talk.

DM me if you want .....

[Preety_India]

@Yali it's not just talking on this forum. It's also talking outside of this forum as well. Like a more personal conversation. If you get what I mean. 

Like a chat buddy either video/audio/text etc. 

And also I need long term like deep intimate long term friendship. 

But thanks for looking. 

 

 

[4201]

Have you considered doing Skype sessions with Nahm ? He's amazing

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by 4201

[Yali]

Oh okay.

Well if you need someone to comfort you in the short-term, I'm available.

[Yali]

Gather the funds to hire a therapist.

the only problem is finding one you can relate to.

[Preety_India]

@4201 actually I have tried a bit. Not like direct. But indirectly sometimes. I think I can't seem to understand sometimes what his words mean(I mean no offense, I mean this in the politest way, Nahm is great but just not the kind im looking for at the moment.) 

I want someone a little more direct, chatty and less philosophical and more intimate. 

Sorry if I offended anyone, did not mean to.

 

[Yali]

@4201 What experience do you have with Nahm? What about him is "amazing"?

 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Yali said:

Gather the funds to hire a therapist.

the only problem is finding one you can relate to.

I just want someone who is caring and empathetic, and a little bit of chit chat. 

Therapists are always very time bound and act too official. I find it difficult to open up to them. I don't like the feel. Plus I always have some form of anxiety around doctors/psychologists/therapists etc. That whole profession tends to create some anxiety in me.. 

I would rather open up to a deep intimate friend than a therapist. 

 

[Yali]

@Preety_India Make some friends in real life?

 

[Preety_India]

@Yali  I suffer from social anxiety disorder. I suffer palpitations when I'm with anyone in person. I also stutter and stop talking after a while. 

I'm shy and I have anxiety. 

Online friendship would be a great option and replacement. 

 

[Yali]

@Preety_India

expose yourself to your fears and you shale overcome .....

[Preety_India]

@Yali easier said  than done. Tough to overcome fears. 

[4201]

@Preety_India I can relate with what you said regarding forum messages Nahm sends. Often I struggle to understand what he means and it feels cryptic to me. Having a face to face conversation with him on Skype is totally different though, in my previous experience with him I had absolutely no problem understanding anything he was saying.

 

@Yali The Skype session I did with him was directly useful to the problems or "blockages" I had at the time. Nahm is very understanding and lets you talk about basically anything at all. Without telling you what to do he justs points out things that are "overlooked" in a way that feels totally nice and non confrontational.

Edited December 20, 2021 by 4201

[Preety_India]

@4201 I'll ponder on that. Thanks for suggesting. 

[Yarco]

It sounds like you just need a friend. There are lots of subreddits on Reddit for this purpose for example /r/Needafriend/ /r/internetfriends /r/meetnewpeoplehere /r/kikpals /r/skypepals /r/penpals

However I think you'll continually run into problems for one reason -- it sounds like you are going to demand too much from people and not really give anything back to them. It sounds like you are asking for a best friend who will drop everything to listen to you whenever you need it and constantly provide reassurance. That kind of thing is very emotionally draining for anyone, and people will quickly start ghosting you from that sort of one-sided friendship.

If you have never been to a therapist I think it would be a good idea. It sounds like there are potentially abandonment issues, or conditions like bipolar or borderline personality disorder. If you find a person to meet your needs and they leave, you'll end up back in this exact same spot again. You need to get personally strong in yourself and a position where you don't need other people to calm you down and meet all of your emotional needs.

I mean this in the nicest and most constructive way, but I've been observing your behavior on this forum for a long time and the amount of time and energy you spend here is not healthy. I'm sorry for whatever trauma and bad things you've been through, but spending hours per day making dozens of posts on this forum is not going to be something you can sustainably do for several more years. You need to find a more sustainable solution that makes you stronger and more confident with yourself. It's okay to use a friend to prevent loneliness and listen to minor emotional problems, but it's not fair to use a friend as a therapist.

[Preety_India]

@Yarco I have tried several therapists in the past. After a while I just gave up on it. So I won't go that route again. Money wasted. Time wasted. Everything wasted. That's how that experience felt. 

 

Regarding your point about draining someone, I get it. I never really had a friend who I would deeply confess to. Most friends in the past were work related. 

Plus I'll be careful about what you are saying. I won't try to drain the person or at least I would try my best. I usually feel very guilty if I offend someone I trust and I recoil back as a result. This happened to some of my friends where I had only 1—2 conversations and I felt I was draining them so before they could ghost me or anything I myself backed off. 

So far whenever I opened up to someone (since I open up so rarely if I ever do, this is also because of my social anxiety), those times were few and  far in between. So I'll try not to drain anyone who is being a genuine friend. 

I'm not trying to use anyone. Just seeking help. Shouldn't be flipped over and turned into something negative. Also this is a request. Only for those who are willing to give me their time and ready to help, no pressure. In that case it's not use. 

 

 

[King Merk]

Have you considered trying to deepen your relationship with yourself? 

It seems to me like you’re trying to find that love & comfort “out there” with someone else…

Which there’s nothing wrong with that per sey but if you don’t have a deep and intimate relationship with yourself then how can you have a healthy relationship with another.