The Challenges of Making Bold Life Changes

[Preety_India]

@Raphael I sense your anxiety. You're going through an existential crisis. You are questioning everything about life, world and reality. It happened to me when i first came here. 

I'm already warning you. This can be a difficult process. Lots of confusion. Lots of doubts. Lots of thoughts and ideas. Lots of curiosity. You will see yourself going through all this. It's important during this phase to be as patient as possible because you're going to be experiencing a lot of anxiety as you keep exploring. This is a natural process that your brain has to go through in order to come to a point of peace and fruition. You will be experiencing agitation. 

People will tell you a lot of things. Some of it will resonate whereas some of it will generate even more questions in your mind. I have been through all this and came out of it successfully and came to peace. 

What you need is proper sleep, water, lots of quiet, patience and self appreciation during this time. The anxiety can make you uncomfortable. Sometimes you might even feel like deleting your journal. You might even feel like leaving the forum. Because the mind is not able to handle such restlessness, tension and curiosity. This is a rapid growth process that the mind is not totally ready for so there will be lot of resistance, agitation and backlash. 

Let it happen. Just take basic care. You are going through a classic spiritual struggle that I went through in the form of existential crisis. 

Just remember that you are Going through intense growth right now and these phases are very uncomfortable because the brain is processing more information than it can consume. Let it go like that. You can't block this process, this process and phase is absolutely necessary for your mental health. 

You're not going crazy but it will feel like that. I also felt I was going crazy but it is simply growth. 

This process can go for months. 

For me it went from 2018 to 2020 December. It finally came to an end in March 2021. 

So hang on. Your roller-coaster has just started. Keep courage till the ride is going on. Intense ride. Don't panic. Just go slow. 

You will experience some sleeplessness and constant curiosity. It's alright. You will also feel like obsessively journaling. That is also alright. Everything is a symptom of your growth. 

The best advice is to take it patiently and slowly and trust your own growth. You will not get answers right away. You will keep getting new answers everyday because this is exploratory phase. Keep exploring. 

Just take basic care like food, water, sleep and some rest in between. Keep going. Keep journaling. And understand that the truth is only love and pure wisdom. That was my end realization after the whole journey. 

 

 

[flowboy]

18 hours ago, Raphael said:

This wound... it's always the same wound. This wound always try to feed itself in one way or another until healed:

• It tries to feed itself with food
• It tries to feed itself with the mind
• It tries to feed itself in business
• It tries to feed itself in porn
• It tries to feed itself in video game
• It tries to feed itself in sex
• It tries to feed itself by fucking women
• It tries to feed itself by desperately seeking men
• It tries to feed itself by watching dumb videos
• It tries to feed itself with success
• It tries to feed itself with video games
• It tries to feed itself by reading this forum, fighting, debating, and competing with others on this forum
• It tries to feed itself by being rigid
• It tries to feed itself with repetitive thoughts patterns
• It tries to feed itself by making meaning
• It tries to feed itself by recluding
• It tries to feed itself by smoking
• It tries to feed itself by drinking
• It tries to feed itself by over partying
• It tries to feed itself with TV shows
• It tries to feed itself with movies
• It tries to feed itself by not caring
• It tries to feed itself by overcaring
• It tries to feed itself by being perfectionistic
• It tries to feed itself by being needy for visibility
• It tries to feed itself by not taking risk
• It tries to feed itself by taking too many risks
• It tries to feed itself by being political
• It tries to feed itself by hiding its mistakes
• It tries to feed itself by hiding its failures
• It tries to feed itself by not recognizing itself
• It tries to feed itself by trying to fake itself
• It tries to feed itself by trying to be perfect
• It tries to feed itself by screaming at others
• It tries to feed itself by debating
• It tries to feed itself by hating itself
• It tries to feed itself...
• It tries to feed itself...
• It tries to feed itself by thinking that it can't resolve itself
• It tries to feed itself by hiding from itself
• It tries to feed itself by avoiding itself
• It tries to feed itself by sickening itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself with itself but if it tries to feed itself by itself it will die by itself
• It tries to feed itself by killing itself
• It tries to feed itself by killing itself
• It tries to feed itself by killing itself
• It tries to feed itself by killing itself
• It tries to feed itself by killing itself
• It tries to feed itself by unbalancing itself
• I tries to feed itself by trying to go too fast
• It tries to feed itself...
• It tries to feed itself...
• It tries to feed itself...
• It tries to feed itself with the body
• It tries to feed itself by sickening the body
• It tries to feed itself by not recognizing itself
• It tries to feed itself by being afraid of itself
• It tries to feed itself by avoiding itself
• It tries to feed itself
• It tries to feed itself but doesn't know how to feed itself anymore
• It tries to feed itself but doesn't know how to feed itself anymore
• It tries to feed itself but is getting sick of feeding itself
• It is sick of being sick, it wants to heal, it wants to heal...

What is this wound? Lack of love / distorted love. It is love and it is trying to show up to the surface.

1. Talk to this wound by writing @Raphael

A conversation will help unmesh and understand the conflicting parts.

Examples:

I'm sure you've done Face it, talk to it, be it plenty of times before.

 

2. Additionally, try dynamic meditation by Osho. I'll share some stuff with you that could help ground you.

Using physicality in meditation is very helpful when so much is showing up at once.

 

3. Standing barefoot on the earth helps to ground many people who have kundalini rising. Easy enough to find out if that works for you too.

 

I agree with @Preety_India , take care of the basics and let it happen. Drink plenty of water.

This is all happening for you. It's all Love. It's all exactly the way it is meant to happen. Take care of the body and don't worry too much about what to do. You are not the one doing it

Edited December 23, 2021 by flowboy

[Raphael]

10 hours ago, Ulax said:

I'd recommend IFS, and Do-Nothing meditation for you, bro.

Why IFS and Do-Nothing meditation?

[Raphael]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

1. Talk to this wound by writing @Raphael

A conversation will help unmesh and understand the conflicting parts.

Examples:

 

This is the same thing: a feeling of abandonment. I know where this is coming from.

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

3. Standing barefoot on the earth helps to ground many people who have kundalini rising. Easy enough to find out if that works for you too.

Is it what kundalini is? I started to have like a ball of anxiety forming in my stomach in recent days and it felt like it needed to get out of me. By doing radical acceptance of everything with the list of "it's ok"  it moved through my entire body, went up to my head and moved through my right brain and left brain. It was very painful, at a moment I felt like it could have killed me if I didn't wrote:

Quote

• raphael is necessary
• raphael exists
• raphael is needed
• it's ok raphael, you exists, it's ok
• it's ok raphael, you exists, you have the right to exists
• it's ok raphael, you exists, you have the right to exist, you have the right to live as a human being
• you have the right to enjoy life
• you have the right to be human
• you have the right to be human
• you can exist
• you have the right to be human, you exist
• you have the right to exist
• you have the right to exist
• you have the right to live
• you can live life fully, enjoy it fully
• live, live, live life
• you exist raphael and this is ok to exist. your life is important, live it fully, deeply, honor it, make the maximum out of it, help others, share with others, share with others, spend time with others, share with others, help others

 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

I agree with @Preety_India , take care of the basics and let it happen. Drink plenty of water.

This is all happening for you. It's all Love. It's all exactly the way it is meant to happen. Take care of the body and don't worry too much about what to do. You are not the one doing it

Yeah, that's always true. Sleep has been tough in the past 2 months and got tougher in recent days because of this anxiety but I am very careful of how I eat overall and started to drink more water.

[Raphael]

@Preety_India It feels like it has been a roller-coaster for me all my life, but yeah I agree this is love.

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Raphael said:

Is it what kundalini is? I started to have like a ball of anxiety forming in my stomach in recent days and it felt like it needed to get out of me. By doing radical acceptance of everything with the list of "it's ok"  it moved through my entire body, went up to my head and moved through my right brain and left brain. It was very painful, at a moment I felt like it could have killed me if I didn't wrote:

Possibly it only feels like a ball of anxiety because of the resistance against death.

You can easily verify this by accepting death next time it happens.

If my intuition is right, the anxiety aspect will transform into a positive feeling.

And if not, a ball of anxiety can't physically kill you. Unless you fall. So make sure to be seated or lying down and have pillows.

[flowboy]

@okulele do you have some wisdom to add here?

[Raphael]

2 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Possibly it only feels like a ball of anxiety because of the resistance against death.

I just had a nap but woke up in the middle and starting looking at my hand. While doing that some thoughts started to appear: "I'm Raphael, I exists, I exists, I exists...". Then I let go of that.

Overall, I still feel a lot of burn in my body and feel my muscles twisting themselves sometimes.

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, Raphael said:

I felt like it could have killed me if I didn't wrote:

Quote

• raphael is necessary
• raphael exists
• raphael is needed

Probably best to let go and not try to keep the ego alive next time. It will come back soon enough anyway.

If you are having balls of energy moving up and down your body, threatening to annihilate your ego, combined with agitation and the other things you are describing, I would say it's possibly a case of kundalini rising. That means I'm a little out of my depth here.

• This would be a good time to get (back) into kriya yoga or something like it
• If you want help navigating it, seek out a good Reiki practitioner. Or maybe an advanced yoga teacher.
• Here's a youtube channel about it which I really like, you can check and see if you recognize anything in yourself

@Nahm

Edited December 23, 2021 by flowboy

[flowboy]

24 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Overall, I still feel a lot of burn in my body and feel my muscles twisting themselves sometimes.

You can try standing barefoot on the soil to ground yourself.

I hope you feel supported, you'll get through this!

We are with you.

[Raphael]

@flowboy

Most of the pain is gone now, it was highly painful yesterday. I can still feel a bit of burn, but things are overall fine. 

[Raphael]

My feeling is that as I didn't cleared enough my own traumas I traumatized myself again and again by reading this forum.

[Raphael]

There's still a bit of a vengeful, rensentful ego. It will come back and it will try to hurt.

I'm aware of you ego.

[Raphael]

I will bring more and more acceptance of the world: no matter how ugly a person is, no matter how bad something look I will bring love to it.

[Raphael]

What Are You Trying To Do Ego?

• He is trying to use the forum as a way to get visibility
• He is trying to use the forum to feed itself, the forum is a coping mechanism
• He wants to be passive-agressive

[Raphael]

Current State

• Perfectly fine, perfectly decent from the outside
• Feels a bit of internal agitation

This is how I am when I'm agitated. Even though I'm agitated people don't notice it from the outside because I manage it very well.

Edited December 23, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

How To End The Unhealthy Ego

• Cut the unhealthy relationship with the forum: only use it in case of extreme necessity
• Cut any other coping mechanism
• Allow a bit of backsliding
• Re-Live the trauma and express the pain
• Give love and understanding
• Make a new meaning

Edited December 23, 2021 by Raphael

[Ulax]

@Raphael Do-Nothing meditation is about true acceptance, as it is about 'being'. Everything is acceptable.

IFS is a therapy modality based on the idea that there are no psychological disorders. Every parts of us is non-bad. Again, everything is acceptable.

[Preety_India]

Good to see your progress. 

 

[Raphael]

17 hours ago, Raphael said:

Cut the unhealthy relationship with the forum: only use it in case of extreme necessity

Nah. This is another ego trick. The ego either wants to brag or either wants to hide in its insecurities. Also, there's something really powerful in sorting myself out publicly as it makes me vulnerable.