Desire to transcend secretely avoiding suffering?

[Cathal]

I was journaling a bit and wanted to contemplate on my unmet needs and see if I am shitting myself on this unrealized 'desire' to transcend physical needs/desires like a good companion or partner.

It actually became pretty clear that I had this subtle belief system that if I keep going 'harder' on spiritual practice, aka longer meditation sits, more yoga, more blabla psychedelics, retreats that I would somehow be able to transcend those needs I have because lets be honest who doesn't desire companionship? Most people say fuck it and get a dog because finding a good partner has failed them, another way of  avoiding negative emotion no?

Then realized it was a very clever way I failed to see that it was just another method of aversion, the fear of feeling unwanted/rejected/abandoned outweighed the seeking of partnership in ACTION and was kind of taken over by ego as 'do more of this and you won't need to face your fears' and holy shit it takes on the form in some nuerosis and dreams when I see it more clearly.

Which I wonder how many of these belief systems might be going on and how deep does it run? I'm wondering if anyone has similar thoughts and what have you done about it?

For sure it must interest you as these are great hindrances to spiritual development for everyone, I think I look too much at the traditional spirtual east sometimes and forget here in the west we are raped with conditioning/traumas right out of the womb and it's not something you can avoid, some get it harder than others

[Terell Kirby]

This would be an example of your ego co-opting spirituality for its survival.

Kudos to you for being intelligent enough to spot this, and have some doubts. Most people are not able to do this on the path.

Enlightenment is a transcendence of your applying negative meanings to your suffering, it doesn't actually eradicate the suffering itself. Keep this in mind along your journey, it's extremely important to remember as a repellant to your ego's hi-jacking.

[tsuki]

You have to distinguish between suffering and pain, or difficult emotions. Suffering is ignorance, it is acting in accordance with false beliefs, having no results, and not learning from your mistakes. Suffering causes pain and difficult emotions, but they are not suffering. Suffering is inextricably connected with knowledge, which can blind you, and the antidote to it is consciousness, a.k.a. clarity, or truth.

The point of spirituality is not to live a life without any difficult emotions, or with no pain. The point is to respond to your suffering in constructive ways. This is actually done via listening to all of your emotions and sensory experiences and responding to them with clarity.

As humans, we need connection. This is not optional. We are highly social animals.