Disgusting Fantasies on Magic Truffles

[Jannes]

Hello Psychonauts,

I have a reoccurring problem on my magic truffles trips. My thoughts are always really creative and figurative. I have phobia when it comes to spiders and snakes and because phobia is a possible reason for a bad trip I spent time watching some nature documentaries, bought a plastic figure of a spider and snake etc. to fight my phobia. I lost most of my phobia when it comes to snakes but pretty much none at all for spiders at this moment. Because of this reason I don’t do high doses of magic truffles at the moment even though I feel that I need them for a breakthrough. And on my latest trip something else happened. I imagined a lot of spiders which makes sense because I looked at a lot of spider pictures in the past days but I also got the tendency to want to imagine the most disgusting things I could possibly come up with. Here is the example. Please only read it if you can take some nasty stuff // So I saw a giant spider. Like on a microscope. I always wanted to know what happens if you squeeze a spider. In my trip I imagined it being like squeezing a pimple with the insides of a spider being like white pus but a lot thicker. (I know that makes no sense) And I imagined slamming all of this nasty stuff of this giant spider into my mouth. Like a turkey who is getting force fed. And I imagined how it would feel with other nasty substances. // I found these thoughts very disgusting of course but I didnt try to control them I just let them happen.  I don’t think I am done with this tendency because I didnt found the motivation on why I want to think these thoughts. I know that as a baby my father overfed me. As soon as I made a sound my father came to spoon feed and I blew up like a ballon. As soon as I started walking I got rid of that extra fat and stayed lean for my entire life. I always found force feeding extremely disgusting and always tried to eat normal portions. Would you say that this is a traumatic experience that I have to live through again ? What tipps would you give me to overcome it ?

[Michal__]

Something similar happens to me because of all the dream work I do. It was disturbing at first and now I just find it funny.

[Jannes]

@Michal__ thanks for sharing your experience ?? . It’s not something you like to share so it feels good to know you are not the only one with weird fantasies of that kind. How long did it take you until the fantasies turned from disturbing to funny ?

[Michal__]

4 hours ago, Jannes said:

@Michal__ thanks for sharing your experience ?? . It’s not something you like to share so it feels good to know you are not the only one with weird fantasies of that kind. How long did it take you until the fantasies turned from disturbing to funny ?

More than a year. Maybe two. But I'm sure it can happen faster.

[Nahm]

The flesh of magic mushrooms can cause nausea and also skew thoughts. Chocolate (sugar) and other ingredients added can be like gas on that fire. 

When I was single digits I had high fevers sometimes and I’d hallucinate. Sometimes there would be two foot long insects climbing in & out of the kitchen cupboards. At first it did freak me out. By all measures they were as real as could be. I think it was the second time that I was really screaming to my parents about it. All they could say was that they couldn’t see them. So even though they were opening & closing the cupboard doors etc, I was aware my parents couldn’t even see them. Then it dawned on me, these insects aren’t seeing me either. They had zero interest in me. I actually remember it ‘clicking’, why am I even thinking about them. Why am I believing it’s a problem, when they’re just insects, doing insect stuff. 

[Loba]

@Jannes I have had weird things come up when doing Carl Jung's active imagination technique, and I just let them pass through without judging them as good or bad and sometimes they can get pretty weird.

I do feel at times that these things can be repressed memories and so I think if you write them down and then look into them later you can come to understand your Shadow side a little bit better it's as though the other side of your subconscious wants to be known, and it will make itself known in really obscene ways sometimes so please don't feel disgusted with yourself or bad for having such visions it's very normal.

I used to have OCD around a particular types of thoughts that would come into my head repeatedly and I eventually had to just accept them in order for them to go away, but first I took the time to look into where the thoughts might be coming from and this helped me to not feel as though I was a bad or disgusting person for having such thoughts.

If you're early experience in life was that of being overfed and you felt as though it was intrusive and disgusting to constantly be fed food and if it felt uncomfortable then there might be something way in the back of your mind that is trying to process those feelings and so I would thank the mushrooms for showing them to you and just continue to work through it and don't judge it.  You are doing good. Gl.

[Jannes]

19 hours ago, Nahm said:

The flesh of magic mushrooms can cause nausea and also skew thoughts. Chocolate (sugar) and other ingredients added can be like gas on that fire. 

When I was single digits I had high fevers sometimes and I’d hallucinate. Sometimes there would be two foot long insects climbing in & out of the kitchen cupboards. At first it did freak me out. By all measures they were as real as could be. I think it was the second time that I was really screaming to my parents about it. All they could say was that they couldn’t see them. So even though they were opening & closing the cupboard doors etc, I was aware my parents couldn’t even see them. Then it dawned on me, these insects aren’t seeing me either. They had zero interest in me. I actually remember it ‘clicking’, why am I even thinking about them. Why am I believing it’s a problem, when they’re just insects, doing insect stuff. 

Your are right. Its absurd but it so feels like spiders have some personal problem with me. Now that I see that my phobia seems smaller thanks.

[Jannes]

@Loba thanks for the advice ??